How to be Pretty

pretty flowers need the sun this is my beauty blog

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INSTANT TAN

Do you want to have darker skin without having to go sunning every single day? I know you do! Well I have the perfect solution for you! Yes, here’s another DIY.... for Insta-Tan! You’ll need..

a bathing suit

gasoline

a lighter

Pour that gasoline all over your pasty white skin, henny, then get out that lighter and put the flame to your skin! Now, be careful, because you don’t want to set the world on fire! Only use a little bit of fire. In about 10 minutes, your skin should be tanned to perfection! YOU’RE ALL WELCOME!

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BIG NOSES

Do you have a big nose? Do you want to get rid of it? Well you’ve come to the right blog because I have the perfect solution for you!!! All you need is a hammer and your big nose. 

Step 1: Smash the hammer onto your nose to permanently change your bone structure.... that’s it! Your nose should soon be petite and perfect like mine!

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LONG-LASTING EYE SHADOW TECHNIQUE

I know you’ve been dreaming for your eye shadow to last longer, but look good at the same time. Well I’ve got some news for you! A quick and easy way to get a stunning eye “makeup” look is to have someone strong punch you in the face! This will most likely bruise your eyes, leaving a bold colour that says, “Hello, I am here to be the best!” It may sting a bit, but pain is beauty, and you are the prettiest.

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FULLER LIPS

Do you want bouncy, beautiful lips without having to be injected with silicone? Well I’ve got a DIY just for your lips! Here’s a list of things you’ll need for this DIY:

lips

a CLEAN syringe

tomato soup

First, wash those nasty ass lips off.

Then, get your syringe and load it up with some HOT tomato soup - yum! 

This next step may be a little painful, so beware. Inject the soup into your lips.

....That’s it! Say hello to your (almost) permanent full lips! If you want to go back to your thinner look, just cut your lip open and the soup will flow out.

YOU ARE WELCOME FOR THIS QUICK AND EASY DIY FOR FULLER LIPS!!

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FLEEKALICIOUS BROWS

If you’ve seen my icon, you can see that my eyebrows are rather fleekalicious. I can hear you chanting, “HOW DO YOU GET YOUR EYEBROWS TO BE SO FLEEKY?” Well, it’s pretty simple! You want to get a straight razor, (yes, you read that right, a straight razor!!), and shave your eyebrows and the skin under it off. This may get a little messy so I’d recommend that you bring a few tissues with you. Next, you’ll want to find a girl (or guy) on the street with naturally fleekalicious eyebrows, kidnap her, and cut her eyebrows like you cut yours. Just get a little bit of super glue and glue those bitches above your eyes! TADA! Fleeky!

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This is my mother after she used our signature hydrochloric acid technique on her skin and teeth! She looks better than ever!

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ACNE + YELLOW TEETH

I used to struggle with horrible acne and painfully yellow teeth until I talked to my homosexual ex-boyfriend and my mother and they both told me that hydrochloric acid can fix that right up!!

For acne, you want to pour some of the acid into a cup and splash it onto your face. Make sure to close your eyes, unless you have acne on your eyeballs, because this will sting! However, it’s all worth it in the end because the acne should be gone in about 3 hours and you will having clear and glowing skin, like me!

For your teeth, just swish the acid around in your mouth as if it were mouthwash! It’s as simple as that! Do this for about 15 minutes, twice a day, for one week and your teeth should be whiter than ever!

Yes, go ahead and call me your saviour. I know I helped you.

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hello

i made this blog to teach @kimilsaturn how to be beautiful like me