Getting married was one of the craziest experiences of my life. Both the process and the act of. The process because it made me realize how intensely I involve myself with my friends. I cannot not analyze all their words, actions; it’s the most annoying trait I’ve realized and despite this realization, I find myself doing it more than ever. While, years ago, I told Matt how annoying it was that a friend of mine wouldn’t leave me alone and wanted to hang out all the time, I find myself wondering why she doesn’t want talk to me all the time and hangs out with other friends of ours without telling me. How fucking annoying am I that I would even be sensitive about that? I’ve had a lot of time alone this week because Matt is gone and I can’t help but think of how annoying my friendship must be to others at times and how badly I need to change that about myself. There are some people I have established very chill, relaxed relationships with and others, I get so insane about. Example: a friend borrowed some stuff from me for a trip and in addition to wanting it back, I wanted to talk to her about a mutual friend but she would say she’d call me to come over and then end up not calling. In my head, she hates me, I did something wrong, I’m annoying her, etc. and of course I’ll text the shit out of her to make sure she’s not angry at me which in and of itself, is pretty fucking annoying. The reality is that we are all poor because we don’t work and she has been busting her ass for days babysitting. The end. This is my ultimate new years resolution I think. I need to be less offended, less sensitive, take more advantage of fun outings with friends, and branch out so I don’t rely on my best friends to constantly need to pay attention to me (I’m pathetic).
