Sonic the Hedgehog

[RP] AU; 30 years in the future. Sonic the hedgehog, husband and father.

[fatheringfast]

Hubbbyyyyy, come rub my back.

Uh. Kay?

[fatheringfast]

Hey, I exercise! I exercise a lot. … I just really really like food, too.

Tell me more.

[hissweetestwifey]

I like food! I just like better food. And not chili dogs every chance that I have.

Oh, you still have your smile, you cutie. ♥

[fatheringfast]

Chili dogs is the best food there is, shut up.

Mm. Good! So do you.

[fatheringfast]

hissweetestwifey replied to your post:... I THINK PAIGE'S FRIEND IS FLIRTING WITH ME.

I take care of my body, Sonic. Oh, shut up! You’re hot! I think you’re plenty dreamy.

Hey, I exercise! I exercise a lot. ... I just really really like food, too.

Tell me more.

[fatheringfast]

arcticmechanic replied to your post:... I THINK PAIGE'S FRIEND IS FLIRTING WITH ME.

*Swoons*

Thank you, Frost. You're a good kid.

[fatheringfast]

... I THINK PAIGE'S FRIEND IS FLIRTING WITH ME.

Whaaaat?

Dammit. You know, you've still got it. I'm just some old guy. Why don't kids flirt with me?

[fatheringfast]

TELL MOM THAT SHE CAN'T MAKE ME DO BALLET

Fine by me.

[2cool4fast]

fatheringfast replied to your post:Go tell your mom to have sex with me.

Only if you make it happen. And only if you actually run.

I’ve been running, you know. It’s good for your heart and I’m on a total health kick.

Fine. I’ll ask mom. Maybe. 

[fatheringfast]

Good! Keep it up. That's why I had you.

Please do.

[fatheringfast]

You don’t eat! Nothing you eat is anything I’d consider food. You need some meat on your bones, kiddo. Eat some meat.

Well, good! I like that you like your weight. And don’t care so much about your chest size, geesh. It’s not like you need ‘em to attract any guys, Frost is already putty in your hands.

[2cool4fast]

I hate meat. I’m not going to eat an animal. I’d sooner cut off my own arm.

Well… yeah, after all of the pep talks I got from Mom growing up, I’m comfortable with my weight. I’m not going to do any of the shit that she did when she was messed up. 

… Frost has big hands. I feel bad. 

[fatheringfast]

Okay, okay. But milk? Really? Drink some freakin' milk. Ice cream is way better than your dumb sorbet crap.

Please and thank you! I don't think I can deal with that stuff a second time. It was pretty draining. 

Frost can deal. Trust me, there's a lot more to like about a girl than just boobs. Like legs.

[2cool4fast]

I eat. Fuck, I eat. It’s just hard to find things around the house to eat considering my diet. 

I like my weight. I just don’t want to be mistaken as a man anymore. 

[fatheringfast]

You don't eat! Nothing you eat is anything I'd consider food. You need some meat on your bones, kiddo. Eat some meat.

Well, good! I like that you like your weight. And don't care so much about your chest size, geesh. It's not like you need 'em to attract any guys, Frost is already putty in your hands.

[fatheringfast]

I’d rather hear “I’m not having sex” as an answer, but okay.

What do you mean I didn’t? Buh. You sound like your mother.

[2cool4fast]

… Yes, dad. I am a virginous angel and I’ve never snuck out for a quickie. 

It was half your fault and half mom’s fault. Genetics suck. I’m too skinny for tits anyways… fuck, that’d hurt when I was running. 

[fatheringfast]

Shut up. I don't wanna hear about it.

You know what you could do if you wanna gain some weight? Possibly in the chest area? Eat a goddamn thing. And I'm not talking about your dumb ass salad.

[fatheringfast]

So it WAS a prank, right!? You’re not pregnant?

Let’s talk about tits. I like touching them.

[2cool4fast]

I’m on birth control, dad. 

I wish I had bigger tits. You didn’t give me very big tits. 

[fatheringfast]

I'd rather hear "I'm not having sex" as an answer, but okay.

What do you mean I didn't? Buh. You sound like your mother.

[fatheringfast]

2cool4fast replied to your post:Dad, I'm pregnant. And I think I'm gay. And I don't know if it's Frost's baby.

… I don’t know. I was going for shock factor. We can talk about tits. I appreciate tits.

So it WAS a prank, right!? You're not pregnant?

Let's talk about tits. I like touching them.

[fatheringfast]

Dad, I'm pregnant. And I think I'm gay. And I don't know if it's Frost's baby.

Please tell me this is an April Fool's joke.

... ... Wait. Why would telling me you're gay make me upset? I WISH I could talk about boobs with you. Princeton's ignorant.

[fatheringfast]

[fatheringfast]

… Okay. OKAy. Okay.

Quiet. Nuh uh. Shhhh. Shut your mouth. SShhhhh. NANANANANANANANAICANTHEARYOU

[2cool4fast]

… HE’S A GENTLEMAN ABOUT IT.

[fatheringfast]

SHUT YOUR MOUTH UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ALL THE STUFF YOUR MOTHER AND I DO IN BED.

[fatheringfast]

[2cool4fast]

Mom will be fine after, though. No more periods! No more PMS!

[fatheringfast]

No more sex.

[2cool4fast]

Ew. I don’t want to hear about you boning mom. I don’t tell you about Frost drilling me.

… Shit. 

[fatheringfast]

... Okay. OKAy. Okay.

Quiet. Nuh uh. Shhhh. Shut your mouth. SShhhhh. NANANANANANANANAICANTHEARYOU

[fatheringfast]

[fatheringfast]

…? Uh. Yeah. Just always run.

Augh. Please, no. Let’s not talk about that.

[2cool4fast]

Mom will be fine after, though. No more periods! No more PMS!

[fatheringfast]

No more sex.

[fatheringfast]

[fatheringfast]

Yeah, yeah. Hope you don’t get all of that from me. I’ve been kinda impulsive. If you encounter someone with a gun, just run. Kay? Kay.

Augh, you’re right! She’s kinda sensitive.

[2cool4fast]

… A gun? Chaos, dad. If you encounter someone with chloroform, don’t turn around to tell them off. Run.

Fuck. Can you imagine what she’s going to be like through menopause? 

[fatheringfast]

...? Uh. Yeah. Just always run.

Augh. Please, no. Let's not talk about that.