âim wearing a sort of chocolate colored suit.â (audience applauds with joy) (encouraged) âitâs a suit made out of pure chocolate.â (audience applauds even more) âand underneath it is another suit made of pure peanut butter.â (more cheers and applause) âyeah, these are the crowd-pleasers, thank you⊠i did my research!â (audience laughs) (rethinks entire life in the span of 0.3 seconds) âwell, itâs not actually made of chocolate, though. although we do have a saying in ireland, a very negative one. if you want to call someone useless, you can call them about as useful as a chocolate teakettle.â (beat) âlike⊠like a teapot.â (mimes pouring tea) âbecause you wouldnât be able to use a chocolate teakettle, because it would melt. so if my suit was really chocolate, it would just melt.â (audience applauds, but less - it doesnât sound like they understand him) âso if anyoneâs acting useless, you can keep that one in your back pocketâŠâ (starts playing âangel of small death and the codeine sceneâ)
(all following said with a slight stammer) âdonât worry, im not going to give you any more chocolate jokesâŠâ (audience laughs) âyou know how sometimes you say something and you know it just didnât land the way you wanted? when youâre in a room with five people it feels impossible to get over, and when youâre in a stadium with thirty thousand⊠you just kind of have to move on.â (starts playing âeat your youngâ)
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