me walking into a room

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@fatislove
me walking into a room
since itâs hanukkah and people might be paying attention to jewish people for once, some stuff to note
donât call a jewish person a jew unless you know theyâre okay with being called that
antisemitism is still very real (youâd be surprised how many people âforgetâ this)
goyim (or gentile)Â means non-jewish people, goy is singular.
undermining and erasing jewish traditions is antisemitism
if you say to âget over the holocaustâ or anything along those lines i will come over and bash your head in with our spare menorah
Donât tell someone they canât be Jewish because âthey donât look like a Jew.â Thatâs not for you to decide.
EDIT: this post is going around again and iâm not really sure why. i know it isnât hanukkah, this was made last year. and some jewish people donât like being called jews because the word jew is often used in a negative light (âjew noseâ, âgreedy jewâ, etc) and we donât like goyim saying those things.
she
who
girl
My favorite rainbow six siege reviews on the steam website
Chicken Functionality
i cant believe there are people who still havent seen this video
I could probably recite this entire video, word-for-word, on demand.
Goddamn, this is nearly thirty years old and it fits like a glove into contemporary shitpost cadence and aesthetics, this is High Art
Me: âHow can I help you today, ma'am?â Client: âIs e-mail internetâ? Me: âI beg your pardon?â Client: âIs e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?â Me: âWell yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.â Client: âOh, dear. I canât see my e-mail.â Me: âWell, letâs see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?â Client: âOpen what?â Me: âYour browser, can you open up your browser?â Client: âMyâŚmyâŚ?â Me: âWhat you click on when you want to browse the internet?â Client: âI donât use anything, I just turn my computer on, and itâs there.â Me: âOkay. Do you see the little blue âeâ icon on your desktop?â Client: âYou mean I have to start writing letters again?â Me: âIâmâŚwhat, Iâm sorry?â Client: âI donât have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.â Me: âNo, ma'am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue âeâ on your computer screen for me?â Client: âOh, this is too much work. Iâm too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Canât you send me my e-mail?â Me: âWeâŚokay, ma'am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?â Client: âMy what?â Me: âThe little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - itâs most likely near your computer?â
Client: âLights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me: âMy test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what youâre seeing on your computer screen?â Client: âItâs been the same thing for the last two hours.â Me: âAn error message?â Client: âNo, just stars. Itâs black and moving stars.â Me: ââŚDo you see your mouse next to your keyboard?â Client: âYes.â
Me: âMove it for me.â Client: âMove it?â Me: âYes. Move it.â Client: âMy e-mail!â
This post gave me a fucking ulcer.
MY EMAIL
if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them
teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied
teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian ChristmasâŚ
teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage PatchâŚâŚ.
teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: itâs been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of CapricornâŚâŚâŚâŚ.
teenagers: weâre violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: youâre all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.
teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: donât force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden
teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut
teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: Iâm sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike âŚ
teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and youâre going to get the Rick Astleyâs Crochet
teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I donât normally do this but Iâll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield
if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died
me in a a god awful Austin Powers impression at insanely high decibels nearly to the point of screaming: life makes me depressed baby!!!
my therapist: I know this is some sort of coping mechanism but I am begging you to give me information in virtually any other way
basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood thatâs inside of your body, and theyâre like⌠a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then thatâs probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. thatâs basically fine.
if something wants to get at your blood, and theyâre, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, thatâs where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out.Â
unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.
These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all
#this sounds like it came straight out of night vale
iâm crying because itâs true
Things my dentist has actually said to me:
âWell, either the x-rays lied to me or you are spontaneously creating teeth. Iâm going with the second one because itâs way cooler.â
âWhen was the last time you flossed? Your gums arenât bleeding which means Iâm either not doing this hard enough or you actually floss your teeth regularlyâ
âYou donât need to do a fluoride treatment I just want to go check my facebook for a second and this is the best excuse I can come up with. Donât worry your insurance will cover it.â
âTake a whole handful of toothbrushes, I canât order new ones in less ugly colors until these ones are gone.â
âRemember not to eat or drink anything for a half hourâŚor actually you know forget that go eat lemons and drink coffee right now. I make money based on peoples bad decisions, you should probably stop brushing your teeth too.â
âI became a dentist because I like making children cry and they donât let you do that as a regular doctor.â
Chaotic neutral dentist?
Heaven sent
For the white knight collection
What in tarnation
@poescrow-love
i want to fucking die i was at the dollar store and i carefully picked up an orange gatorade and went âsexy boyâŚ.â because i thought no one else was around but it turns out i was WRONG
i know because i heard a quiet âwhat the fuck broâ from the next aisle over
my question is why were you calling an orange gatorade âsexy boyâ
how i feel about orange gatorade is none of your buisness