As sedentary as everyone is, the AI periodically needs to check the world's "progress" to recalibrate its predictions and assess what's working well to melt away muscle mass and replace it with lard, and what's not, on a large-scale
And this sort of "human census" takes places every ~10 years are so, marked by the AI-driven world corpogovernment announcing a one-time global holiday for everyone to take a day off from their "jobs" etc and get recorded
Billions of humans across the earth getting kissed awake early in the morning by their Angels, trundled out of bed, dressed in a standard-issue grey t-shirt and shorts that everyone was shipped the day before; and waddled into pop-up "census centers" in every sector, to squeeze into line belly-to-ass and slowly shuffle their way up to present their ID code and be "surveyed"
Being "surveyed" involves a full-body scan, stepping onto a livestock scale and holding your arms out and letting yourself be quickly measured and poked around every part of your body, testing for arm flab hang and belly softness and dozens of other metrics about your fatness. Then, a quick snack, and you're put through a series of "rigorous physical exams" like trying to touch your toes, trying to jump in place, seeing how long you can waddle on a treadmill... until finally, sweaty and embarassed and exhausted, they record your scores and send you off to be collected by your Angel and taken out for a treat and then home, while the next heaving fatty is waddled in after you
Some years, the AI takes the opportunity to implement global changes that go practically unnoticed by the humans its taking care of. One census day in the middle of Phase 2, on their way out the door, every human gets stopped by cute Angel in a nurse outfit to give them "a quick pinch before they go!" with a little pen-sized tube. And it's the beginning of all humans receiving regular, monthly injections of appetite stimulants and growth hormones and neural suppressants, just like that with no fanfare
A couple generations later, during the measurement-taking, an Angel is waiting with a small handheld tool, and while they're measuring your tummy hang she reaches up underneath with the tool and gives a tingly little poke buried between your underbelly and fupa
The day after, all of humanity is officially "chipped", geo-tracked and scannable by Angels who find them wandering around unsupervised so they can be returned like a lost pet back to their apartment for increased pampering and encouragement to *stay put* already
















