[faultyinsidebroker]

[faultyinsidebroker]

i'm frozen,

or weightless

my body is suspended in air when i move

my perception is images cobbled

or a habit of color

i am lying to me

this isn't true

i want to thrash to the surface,

i want noise

the distraction of crisis

a rationalization through purpose

and an illusion of prioritization

my heart racing to anchor me

physiology is the only proof of reality

i'm overlooking relationships

i'm only expectations

i can't stand this

i feel like a memory in the eyes of others

i am afterglow

a promise of love

and the failure to acknowledge it

i'm growing out my hair to prove that time is reality

progression is pattern recognition and that's all

theres a narrative to knowing comfort

i'm inches from acknowledging discomfort

playing chicken with shoulder shrugs

and staring too long

sleepy with routine so that every moment feels like a dream

i'm frozen

or underwater

but you already knew that.

this is comfortable,

this is home,

the time is passing anyways.

[faultyinsidebroker]

https://faultyinsidebroker.bandcamp.com/album/rough-edges

[faultyinsidebroker]

[faultyinsidebroker]

i don't give a fuckkkkk

[faultyinsidebroker]

got off work

[faultyinsidebroker]

[faultyinsidebroker]

[faultyinsidebroker]

inloveeeeeeewitbeinfdrunkkkkkk

[faultyinsidebroker]

[faultyinsidebroker]

[faultyinsidebroker]

i lost my wallet, replaced it, then my friend found it. it felt weird to toss something i've had for at least 7 years at that point so i made this and hung it up on my bedroom wall to keep for even longer

[faultyinsidebroker]

[faultyinsidebroker]

I'll spend the rest of my life in disbelief. I see your handwriting & wonder how I got so lucky. I sound like everyone else or the last thing. But in the face of everything unknown to me, old habits come to claim me as theirs. It's comforting, and irrefutable--even if a little boring. You know me better now, so you can tell: there's something missing, right? Fill in for me.

[faultyinsidebroker]

We're only friends because of you

It's all the ways you're around

without reservation

and every way i stick around

without warning

i always miss you,

even when i'm with you

i don't think i understand what it means to be close to someone

every interaction feels like a missed connection,

when i don't mention that

everything i do or don't mean

is a shot in the dark

that adds to the distance

in hopes of a stab to the heart of things

i am a cut bundle of gestures,

gathered into a bouquet at your feet

we'll mean something to each other eventually

even if that eventually means nothing

[faultyinsidebroker]

my phone camera is broken

[faultyinsidebroker]

Life is Long and I Am Condemned

it's all the ways i can experience something for the first time again.

impact is deadened by disillusionment,

of, and by, too much memory

it all feels new again,

enough to displace time

seconds are days are hours are yesterday are years from now are right now.

it's right now,

and i'll look to my hands for context

at images dated to objective measures,

at the sound of a voice that's mine,

listening to stories of things that exist in my memory.

i am reminders and to-do lists,

the feeling of a sunrise,

every song i return to,

the daily drive.

replication in the face of the passage of time.

there's latency in the mirror,

and i am exhausted.