i've been the best i can be.

indie, selective, private original character. unaffiliated. 18+. written by al.

[immaterialed-archive]

HIATUS NOTICE (indefinite)

hey guys, this is my announcement for a hiatus. right now, my muse is really dead but more than that, my mental health has not been doing well. i am dealing with intense O/C/D or at least something similar to it, and being on social media is really making it hard for me to recover at all. i keep finding new obsessions. it makes it too easy to do my compulsions. i thought tumblr would be okay for me to use, but it’s really part of what started this whole mess.

i don’t know when i’ll be back, but i have a lot of you on d*scord. if you’d like to contact me, you can do so there. thank you for reading.

[fauxbrado]

okay girls i’m. moving back to my multimuse lmao

[fauxbrado]

i’m trying to forgive myself for things i did when i was literally still being groomed. i have made many mistakes, but for a lot of them, i was operating under a framework given to me by an adult who was harming me for all of my teen years. i should’ve known better than to write some of the things i wrote, but i didn’t. i was not able to get out of this until i was twenty/nearly twenty one. once i broke this, i was able to change. i did the best i could with what i was dealing with. i have to be nicer to myself -- my therapist, who literally knows every bad thing i’ve ever done, has told me a million times that i have to be kinder to myself. it’s just hard to listen to that.

[fauxbrado]

b*ulet brothers will vogue for FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT before letting us see the damn floorshow

[fauxbrado]

slowly coming to the conclusion that i am NOT a horrible person despite what i’ve done in the past, i’ve already owned up to the things that i’m guilty about, and other things i’m guilty about are not actually my fault

[fauxbrado]

also i uhhh. definitely have ocd

[fauxbrado]

slowly coming to the conclusion that i am NOT a horrible person despite what i’ve done in the past, i’ve already owned up to the things that i’m guilty about to the people i care about, i don’t owe everyone every single detail about myself, and other things i’m guilty about are not actually my fault

[fauxbrado]

what I love about being mentally ill is that sometimes, my brain will be so desperate to be anxious about something, that it’ll switch rapidly between subjects and just won’t stop

[fauxbrado]

just forgot how to tie a bow ❤️

[fauxbrado]

i have been experiencing anxiety the past few days (clearly) but tonight was so fucking insane and stressful I think it somehow snapped me out of it

[fauxbrado]

not to get on a soapbox but i genuinely, truly believe in a better world. for me, that’s why i’m a leftist at all -- i believe there is something more for us. i believe there’s a real chance we can create a future that is better than what we have now. if i didn’t believe that -- if others didn’t believe that -- why would we be fighting for it at all?

a good future doesn’t have to be a pipe dream. and i don’t think it is. humans are not inherently evil. we are not parasites. we can create something better.

[fauxbrado]

i don’t care if it makes me dumb, I genuinely believe that humanity is good and that humans are not inherently evil

[fauxbrado]

the world is a beautiful place. humans are amazing — we can be kind to each other, smart, stunningly adaptable. i am tired of constantly seeing the opposite. pessimism is not intelligent or wiser than optimism.

[fauxbrado]

i don’t care if it makes me dumb, I genuinely believe that humanity is good and that humans are not inherently evil

[fauxbrado]

okay tw*tter is deleted bc it was driving me crazy

that’s right girls, yet another Twitter account of mine is gone

[fauxbrado]

forcing a tw*tter break bc I just triggered my anxiety over something I saw and I can not do this rn

[fauxbrado]

not to brag but i’m great at dr*g (k*ng?) names

[fauxbrado]

see the thing that sucks is so many dr*g k*ngs is a lot of them are skinny

[fauxbrado]

me and gren are going to perfect the art of the non-sexual dr*g k*ng. we’re going to be cole skash and dykel myers, husbands and??? murderers??? we’re gonna be workshopping it

[fauxbrado]

we’re bringing GLAM and FASHION to the king scene

[fauxbrado]

the thing is queens bring sewing, they bring choreo, they bring hair, they bring makeup!!! they bring it all to the table and all kings seem to bring tj maxx men’s section