The Dreamer @favoritewhatifmo - Tumblr Blog

Halloo nak,

If you're reading this, it means you've made it to my old tumblr. Forgive the cringe URL, forgive the angst (I doubt you'll deep dive my posts, but if you do, please forgive the angst, this is a young me we're talking about :)))).

So yes, I'll never get over how I completely missed the signs that your bday is today. Akala ko talaga July 14. I had it all planned out, I'd write back just like you did because I'm a writer, and writers write. However, such is life. I do not have anything to write with here. What I do have is my own little piece of cyber real-estate which I visit to remember how I was before, and to occasionally scream cathartic shit into cyberspace. I actually intended to use it after the yap I told you earlier to shout my frustrations on *that* issue.

Really, the only thing I want to say here are that one, I'm extremely proud of the woman you are, and two, I'm eternally grateful for the care and appreciation you show me. Now that you're updated with the stuff that's going on, I guess I can drop the thought here; whenever you entered the class room in that first sem right after I dismissed, maybe you notice that I just look tired (its a 730am class after all) or sometimes downcast, but I'd always smile when you greeted me with warmth and cheer. So that means, before you knew all that you know now, you've already helped cheer me up in your own unique way, simply by being you. As a neurodivergent overthinker that really longs to be accepted or understood, thank you for hearing me out without judging me. I'm always terrified that I have to overexplain myself so that people don't misunderstand me, but you are safe space that simply allows me to be me with the trust that you have given me.

Just like you said, not just your presence, but you, you yourself! You are seen, heard, valued, treasured, and appreciated.

Supporting you always,

DpK

I'm fucking tired.

I am not being listened to at home. Multiple times, i've voiced out my concerns and its dismissed or ignored.

There is no intimacy, and im being gaslight like its my fault.

All it does is make me feel that im not forgiven nor accepted.

I've painfully burned and ended friendships for her but nothing has changed.

Just kill me now idc. I'm tired. I'm done. I'm not happy being gaslit everyday to someone who comes home always angry and works at their own pace and makes everything about themselves and how their work sucks. I dont get complimented, I dont get comforted, I don't get asked how my day is. Hardly any of my real hobbies are interesting to her. Nothing.

I'm fucking done. I'm fucking done.

honestly?

Im tired and just wanna die.

I cant say it out loud, so hi tumblr its been a while.

Graduation 2023

Welcome guys! Part 2. I don’t want to make this long, so I will say this quickly. Dalawa ang target ko dito. Sa mga nakapagtapos: Finally! Habang nasa balcony ako kanina, iba yung sense of joy and pride na dama ko kahit di ako tumawag ng pangalan niyo. You are the batch I’ve known the longest and closest. And I’ve first hand seen you all to be amazing. I appreciate everyone of you. For those who are left behind: Konting kayod nalang, kayo ang next, and yes I will be there to see all of you off as well. So never give up, I will be right here to help you out. Actually, para sa inyong lahat yun. Don’t be a stranger. Marami nang batch ang nagdaan at nagsabi na keep in touch, but they barely do. Di ko alam, pero maganda feeling ko sa inyo. And I do hope you all keep in touch, thank you all for bringing me into your lives. By, Cza, Ella, Danie, Echo, Den, Mitchie, lahat ng mga +1, and so on and so forth. If there are a few things I want you all to collectively remember is that: 1. We need to be kind to ourselves 2. We need to be kind to others 3. We need to learn to love ourselves a bit more. 4. Things will get better, but even if they won’t, we can find peace. Ako, si sir James, nagsstruggle din ako. I sometimes can’t believe how happy/proud you guys are of me because I feel marami din akong shortcomings as an adviser. Pero thank you for sticking it out with me. I try to be a good listener, teacher, and role model. Di na ako prof niyo. Koya nalang pwede na, o kahit gwapo, solb na ako dun. Naalala niyo tinanong ko kayo kung naalala niyo ang bonus questions ko dati? Ano mga favorite bands ni sir James (local or foreign) at that time. Sa local 1. Urbandub 2. Mayonnaise 3. December Avenue Sa Foreign 1. 30 seconds to mars 2. One ok Rock 3. The Spill Canvas. Medyo regretti na nga ang foreign kasi nag peak na ang 30stm. Pero I’m leaving you with a collection of quotes, one song each. Alam niyo naman proud tayo sa musical tastes natin. 1. In this war The tears in my eyes says it all Put all of my faith in you now When all of the world says We wont make it through We'll battle the world. -Urbandub, Frailty 2. Say hello to everything you love Bid goodbye to anything you'd hide Leave this fight, set it free Overnight, follow me See the sights and the lights That will guide you home Celebrate and live your life -Live your Life, Mayonnaise (Or kinig kayo ng “Dear Classmate” kung madrama kayo) 3. It's on you To see a different world in front of you To find the answers right inside of you To know that it's trueMaybe it's time to see you fade Or shine like the brightest light in the milky way 'Cause all of the stars will fall for you now -Polaris, December Avenue 4. I do believe in the light Raise your hands into the sky The fight is done, the war is won Lift your hands toward the sun This is war - 30 seconds to mars (Segue: “Alibi” pwede rin kung madrama kayo) 5. So everybody ever be buddies Days we grew up are days we will treasure show Everybody show is beginning Curtain has risen Make your own storyline Dream as if you will live forever And live as if you'll die today Chaosmyth, One ok Rock and last but not the least 6. I am unbreakable but it looks like I could sometime soon And you are unreachable about as possible as me touching the moon I am unraveling unbearably empty and if this ground gives way I just hope that you'll catch me. You came and saved me tonight Defending all my life Whoa, now I'm content with my breath cause I'm alive -Saved, Spill Canvas. Alam niyo, dapat talaga naging music teacher nalang ako minsan >_< Keep in touch, don’t be a stranger. <3

Hi Class, Welcome to my tumblr. Pwede na kayo mag focus dito lang dahil mahaba habang halungkatan ito pag binrowse niyo lahat. Sayang data, oras at pasensya. Wala na rin ibang laman ito after all kung hindi mga ka-dramahan ko nung ako’y mas bata pa.

Each batch that I’ve had graduate since the time I started teaching were special in its own way.

The first batch was special because it was my first. Naririnig ko na si Arone humirit ng “You never forget your first.” chos.

The second batch, eto sina Kuya Richmond niyo, they were special because they were my first students.

You guys are the third, and you are special in your own right, dahil kayo ang aking unang mga students from 1st to 4th year. Ako gumawa ng program ninyo sa best na makakaya ko kahit noob pa ako noon sa trabahong program head, pero I tried to mold your experience to what I experienced as an undergraduate in Psychology, with slight improvements of course. Hindi naging madali ang buhay Chair adviser, maraming adjustments na pinagdaanan lahat kayo. K-12 palang eh, tas nag pandemic pa, yet here you all are here today, surviving, about to graduate, and I couldn’t be more proud.

Two things I want to leave with you as my last lesson as a teacher, though perhaps not as a friend.

1. I want to apologize for all my shortcomings as a professor and head. Lahat tayo were thrust into an unfamiliar situation with the Pandemic, and I gave it my best. I tried to help everyone to the best I can, in terms of counsel, advice, or trying to teach the best I could. I gave it my best, but I know I could’ve done better if we were in a better situation. Kaya kahit na ang dami nang program binigay sa akin, inuuna ko parin problemahin yung concerns ninyo. (Mga MOA juicecolored). Kaya pinilit kong magkaroon kayo ng tribute na kahit online, mas naging heart-felt and meaningful pa. I wanted to leave you guys with memories that college life was hard, but it was fulfilling.

2. As you take your first step to become full fledged Psychology professionals, always remember that you now carry the banner of the school and our profession. If we want people to understand us, remember that we have to do more work to understand them because we are burdened with the privilege of knowledge. Tayo ang may alam, tayo ang dapat marunong umintindi, so ingatan natin ang image natin. Remember you can be empathetic but FIRM in your principles. Its simply about finding the proper way or path to express so that we can be understood. Aanhin mo ang passion mo kung hindi dama sa’yo ang COMpassion mo? Wala din.

Finally, Be brave, (Hindi FEU yan ha. BRAVO nga baste eh, hindi yung Biscuit) and be confident, I believe in all of you, pero balewala yung belief na iyon kung kayo mismo hindi naniniwala sa sarili ninyo. At the end of the day, what you make of your life; you answer only to two people, to yourself and to God. Not to your parents, not to me, not to your friends. Believe in yourself and your capabilities, but do not settle only for the potential you have. All our potentials, whether in life or love, cannot remain potential forever because reality will have to measure it.

Cherish the people you love and let them know as often as you can. Relying on others is not a weakness (Alam niyo yan, iba ang dependence disorders sa simpleng social-support seeking coping mechanisms. Pag hindi, babawiin ko grad niyo). Congratulations batch ‘22 SSCR BS PSYCHOLOGY

Be Brave.

Hi Class, Welcome to my tumblr. Pwede na kayo mag focus dito lang dahil mahaba habang halungkatan ito pag binrowse niyo lahat. Sayang data, oras at pasensya.

In less than 24 hours, the first batch of Psychology students that I've taught will be walking on stage to receive their diplomas, and I couldn't be any prouder. With that, there is one last reading, one last lecture I wish to impart to each and every one of you as a collective unit:

I want you all to remember to always, as much as you possibly can, search for the good in every situation life throws your way.

This is not to tell you that it is wrong to be sad, far from it. We are Psychology Majors after all. What I am saying is that in this world where it is easy to be outraged, it is easy to accuse, it is easy to hate, be a person who will temper their idealism with reality. Be a person who, before judging, will try their hardest to understand why other people think or feel certain ways, be a person that wishes to change the world through kindess and understanding, educating others while preserving another person's dignity and without ridicule. Be humble, Be happy. Always be thankful, even for the little things; especially for the little things, for it is in the little things where we can see what other people truly want to say. Whether its in the angry, worried voice of a friend. Or a simple offer for help which really means that another person cares for you. Always pay attention to the little things.

Always know what is important in your life, and always fight for it in a way that you are also doing right. Follow your dreams and passions, yet be flexible when there is a need to re-align them. Do. Not. Be. Afraid. Instead, use your fear as a motivation to push you forward. I was touted as a gifted child, but I was always terrified and insecure when it comes to many things, both personal and professional. Only when I allowed myself to push forward did I learn that it was a way to show self-love. Be kind to yourself. Everyone deserves a break.

Last but not the least, I want to apologize: I know I'm not the perfect professor. I'm sometimes disorganized, I teach at a weird pace, I lose patience every now and then, I'm still quite inexperienced, I feel like at times I'm too nice or abused, but I have learned so many valuable lessons from each of you. Apart from that, the greatest treasure that you guys have left me is the honor to be trusted and regarded as a friend by some. I can't say that I don't have regrets, but I can say that I did my best, and that's all anyone could ever ask of me.

To those who aren't graduating, know that you aren't left behind. Life is not a race, each on of you will blossom at your own time. I look forward to the knew stories we can both tell your friends due to the extra one or two semesters you still have left here in school.

Finally, always remember that life could be a lot easier for our hearts if we learned how to communicate properly, efficiently, and honestly. Its a lesson you will find valuable not only in the professional field, but also in your families and in your relationships with friends or romantic partners.

I truly believe that the call of teaching was put in my heart by God in order for me to share my testimonies: On school, love, and life. Thank you for allowing me to share my story to each and every one of you. Mica had always told me that I have a kind heart, even if at times I don't believe it. I always go the extra mile, even if I complain a lot, whether it was for my friends, work, family, or students, because it was who I was. Even though I was a pretty insecure person, I realized after two years of teaching you, that she was right. The love of my life saved my life so many times in the course of two teaching years through her patience and kindness, and I'm pretty sure she indirectly saved the class everytime I was about to lose my cool. Lord knows I can have a very bad temper.

Congratulations batch 2018-2019. Go out in that vast world and make your dreams come true.

Thank you.

-James

deceptivelips

“To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me.”

— Alanis Morissette, Sorry to Myself

dabard

Every time I watch the first season of Scrubs it hits me so damn hard when JD complains about his dad to Dr. Cox and he gives one of his best speeches about how in the grand scheme Mr Dorian had done a fine job. Because Cox didn’t have a dad, he had an alcoholic and abusive “father” that Cox and his sister barely survived growing up with.

He told JD to give his dad a break because Cox, he would have given anything to have a father like JD’s.

Dati rati, malaya tayo isipin at sabihin ang lahat.

Ganun parin naman ngayon, pero dapat pareho tayo.

Tuwing magsasalita sila tungkol sa mga ayaw nila

Titiklop nalang ako dahil isa pala ako doon.

Sabay tatanungin nila ano ang problema? Kamusta ka na ba?

Yan ang mga taong tinulungan ko at sinuportahan ko, ngunit ganyan pala ang tingin sa mga taong tulad ko, na hindi binibili lahat ng sigaw nila.

Hindi ko alam kung ano isasagot: sila ba, ako ba, o ang mundo ba ang problema?

Kalayaan raw sa pagiisip, at mabuting kinabukasan ang pinaglalaban, pero putang ina mo naman sa mga hindi kapareho nila magisip.

Malaya nga ba?

Siguro ako nga ang problema.

Solusyonan na natin ang problema para matapos na

christophernolan

I think owning your burdens is half the battle. Still, it’s not that daunting if you look around and see what other people have to deal with.

liia144

christophernolan

favoritewhatifmo

Me and mica

christophernolan

I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You’d never know it, but there’s most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way.

favoritewhatifmo

"Im dressed all in blue and i'm remembering you

And the dress you wore when you broke my heart."

Scrubs is such a powerful show