i watched all five twilight movies in less than a day and here is my definitive ranking from best to worst:
twilight. the best by far. unintentionally hilarious and fun and weird. hardwick wanted it to have style and my god did she give it style. low budget and feels like an indie and i love it so much. everybody’s awkward. fantastic representation of stupid teenagers i love them all. esme speaks italian to bella and makes her italian food bc her name is bella and no other reason how amazing. edward bounces an apple off his foot and gives it back to bella unwashed. best soundtrack of them all.
breaking dawn pt 2. so underratedly funny. bella sprinting at a chair and then folding her legs so slowly. the way she hunts the mountain lion is comedy gold. edward laughing when she kicks jacobs ass. you nicknamed my daughter after the loch ness monster. milf vampire bella. shock factor of them killing all the cullens and then taking it all back. the mood of one of the volturi saying ‘finally’ before dying. the fan-esque final credits sequence where they show you every single character from all the films. cons: cgi babychild scares me.
breaking dawn pt1. horny bella on main. bella who literally cries after having a dream where she fucks her husband. bella trying to seduce her husband. kristen stewart looks way hotter when she’s slightly tanned in rio. crazy vampire human sex. lots of hottie leah clearwater. anna kendrick has one line and kills it. the wedding is beautiful. cons: i hate the scene where they show the wolves communicating telepathically.
eclipse. introduced me to hottie leah clearwater. has the two best backstories, rosalie and jasper. bella punches jacob in the face. newborn fight is dope. first time the wolves and vampires buddy up. dakota fanning is scary and i love it. edward asks bella to marry him and she says no like five times lol cons: not enough charlie. new victoria irks me.
new moon. boring. edwards abs are spraypainted on. bella does a lot of stupid shit. bella almost gets herself killed a lot and also jessica once. taylor lautner is very huffy but thats just his acting. i dont like the way he says bloodsuckers. he also almost kills mike newton at the movies (who definitely kinda deserves it lol). introduced dakota fanning which is a plus. showed alice drive a fast car and i gotta say it did something for me.
there you have it this is the definitive twilight list i’ll stop talking about it now for a while also god bless their soundtracks.
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