Many years have passed, I still think about you. Though I told myself not to and to stop this feeling that keeps my heart pumping every time I see you. All those times in almost 6 years I've waited in vain. Waiting for you to come back who you are. Waiting for you to look back and realize that what you've been doing is wrong. Those years of waiting, those years in pain, those years of hoping, (sigh) I think I'm tired.
I think I'm tired waiting for you to come back who you are. I think that all those times waiting for you is wasted. I think that my efforts of thinking about you is not worth it. I've come back to my senses. I want to move on. I want to finally delete my feelings that lingers in my heart. Whooo! For the first time, this thought cross my mind.
I never thought about this, moving on, living my life not thinking about you. Because you know, I never liked anyone like how I liked you. Well I guess, I'm a grown up now. Haha. Lucky me I'm all grown up now. So, I have this mission in my life, mission that I should never regret doing it, wanna know? This is a very hard and tremendously difficult desicion for me, it is to block him with all his accounts. Block him like "poof", you won't see him, every pic, every event, every updates in his like. Poof! Gone.
Right before I was going to block him, this question pops up in my mind, "Is this the best solution? You can just ignore him, you know?". You can hear the cracks that starting to form in my heart, it felt like I'm doing it in a wrong way. "This is wrong. Don't do it. You'll regret this for sure". Tears flow in my cheeks like rivers that flows on land, nonstop. "You gotta move on! Help yourself! You've done that before! It did not work! So do this in the hard way!". Yes, I will do it.
"Click", it is done. I messaged you before doing that hoping you would understand but I know, you won't. It will be difficult for you understand my feelings. Well it is a fact that understanding someones feelings is a dilemma.
Weeks after that, life is still going on. Eating, drinking, taking a bath, going to school, checking my social media account for like half time of my whole day. My life went on like nothing happened. Or did it?
There's a time when I really regret though. I sincerely regret blocking you because you unfriended me. Ouch! Burn! "Oh Gelli, your such an idiot. Your such a dumb girl. You should not have blocked him. Look on what happened. It hits you back. It hits you harder." Well, it's done. I won't be able to do anything anynore. It's done.
I closed my eyes, take a deep breath. "This is what I want. To not know anything about him. To forget everything about him. This will do. I can do it. I can move on. Everyone can, so why can't I?"
Well, sometimes, I can't deny, I still have feelings for him. I guess this saying is really true "First love never dies". It is a cheesy thing to say but hey! You'll agree to that saying right? It's just first love, it's not the true love though.
Right! There's still true love and I am waiting for that. Waiting for something that I know will benefit me. Waiting for something that I know he will love me, make me his number one cheerleader. Waiting for someone for me to be the right one. And you, Leandro, I know, this is childish, but I just want to say that thank you for having a big big part of my life, although maybe I don't have a single part in your life, I still want to thank you. Thank you for all of those lessons that you, not knowingly, gave to me. Thank you my first love and I wish you all the best. Goodluck
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