Le Jardin Secret

[febyfebri]

"I keep running when both my feet hurt, I won't stop 'till I get where you are~"

[febyfebri]

One of my dear friends just texted me.

Her question was “how’s lyfe”

Little did I know that the basis question is really hard to answer these days.

I even replied “I don’t know how to answer that question” 🙃

[febyfebri]

Waktu, pada akhirnya

Tidak akan pernah sudi untuk kembali

Ia tak abadi

Tapi pedihku kerap merambat dalam bara

Kutau ini karma, kuterima.

Waktu, pada akhirnya

Tidak akan pernah cukup untuk menutup deretan dekap yang sudah hilang

Sebagai cara-Nya menamparku dan mengajak ku pulang

Sampai aku, sekadar tulang.

***

Febs.

[febyfebri]

Hallucinate

You get what you believe, you earn what you ask. You stand in between, it means no. You carefully step back, it was clueless. As clueless as it can be. Be it.

You don't go for a yes, you justify, you mistify, you (try to) clarify, later you just lie.

Run from your desire. Running so far that you might not recall a thing, beautiful or no. Making some stories, creating, and much hallucinating.

Then forgetting. What is ridiculous because it is plain obvious.

:"(

***

In the beginning of June,

Febs.

[febyfebri]

You’d want to remember them, in many ways you never know. We’re made to feel things, however blissful, however horrid. We’re intricate and at the same time delicate—for so many reasons we never know.

***

Me at 2 a.m

[febyfebri]

How can I even love the heartbreak

When you're the one I love

I can't give up on us solely because of love

And experience heart wrenching pain

How could I, to you

Our love so deep as the ocean

Waiting till it runs dry will be our farewell~

***

[febyfebri]

[febyfebri]

JJK - Never Not by Lauv 💜

[febyfebri]

Well explained!!! 👏

***

Source : IGTV @pukulduamalam

[febyfebri]

It was a fleeting moment

Inconsequential

But the sky is quicker than my words

It blushed the way my face would've

And you caught that, didn't you?

Said the sky looked prettiest in mauve

So tell me now, will you :

Why do we put our hearts in places they don't belong?

[febyfebri]

DIARY SENJANI. *Pages, 10.

“What’s so special about him?”

“Nothing, it’s just that there’s nothing special without him.”

===

Unik dia orangnya. Kalau disuruh senyum seringkali ngga mau, tapi bisa jayus sampai bikin ilfil, atau tiba-tiba jadi lucu banget. Bingung.

Sangat jujur dan straightforward, no basa-basi. Kalau bagus, bilang bagus. Jelek, bilang jelek. Sangat detail. Love language-nya Acts of Services 50% dan Physical Touch 50% yang lain jangan harap.

Very self-sufficient, pintar, responsible, pendengar yang baik meski kadang suka memotong pembicaraan tiba-tiba, sedikit perfeksionis dan sangat bisa diandalkan. A great friend.

Bertahun-tahun mengenalnya sama sekali ngga pernah bosan. Banyak hal yang kita pelajari dari masing-masing, tapi satu hal terpenting yang kita pelajari selama ini adalah : Treating each other with respect, accepting and tolerating each other, and endlessly supporting one another to reach their dreams. 

Terdengar klise tapi memang kenyataannya seperti itu, terutama aku. Belajar banyak hal dari dia.

Sampai sini, cengeng me being extra cengeng menulisnya.

Kalau diingat-ingat lagi, aku memang belum pernah mendeskripsikan tentangnya baik lisan atau tulisan.

So sorry, alasannya yah karena memang bukan kah butuh bertahun-tahun untuk saling mengenal dengan baik?

Terima kasih untuk selalu ada. Love language-ku Words of Affirmations, so I’m just gonna make sure the world knows that I adore US a lot hehe. ❤😊

[febyfebri]

[febyfebri]

[febyfebri]

Ini mungkin sedikit sentimental dan penuh ego, tetapi sejak bersama dia, saya sedikit bisa menolong diri saya sendiri dan kembali bisa memahami bahwa kedua lengan saya sangat kecil untuk memeluk semua keinginan-keinginan.

Saya kadang berkata kepadanya, “Saya sudah lama menyerah dengan dunia ini, tetapi tidak dengan kita.”

Saya tahu betapa rapuh kalimat ini tetapi pada waktu yang sama ada sesuatu yang lepas dari kecemasan di dalam diri.

Dia selalu tahu dan bisa menunjukkan apa yang dia inginkan dan tidak dia inginkan. Dia bisa langsung mengatakan apa yang ada di dalam kepalanya. Sementara saya adalah kebalikan dari semua itu.

Saya kadang harus memendam apa yang ada di dalam kepala saya, berminggu-minggu atau selama saya belum menemukan sedikit jalan keluar.

Saya pernah beberapa kali cukup percaya diri mengatakan langsung apa yang ada di dalam kepala dan hasilnya selalu sama.

Dan dia tidak pernah memaksa saya untuk bercerita sesuatu walau dia tahu saya sudah butuh pertolongan dan terlihat tertekan. Betapa ini membuat saya nyaman dan mensyukuri hal sederhana ini.

Tapi di satu momen, dia dengan caranya sendiri, kadang bisa membuat saya akhirnya mengutarakan segala keluhan saya. Dan saya yakin, dia kewalahan menghadapi bahasa saya. Tapi dia berusaha mendengarnya di sana dan sesekali membenarkan maksud kalimat saya.

Di akhir percakapan semacam itu, dia akan tertawa lalu diam barang 3 detik dilanjutkan dengan memanggil nama saya dan berkata, “Aku cinta kamu..”

***

Just try to write a fiction :)

Febs.

[febyfebri]

DIARY SENJANI. *Pages, 9.

Boba Waffle in Panglima Polim

[ Story Time ]

I was sitting alone at a small coffee shop when a family came in. There were five of them; parents, two daughters, and one son. The kids are all teenagers. While the eldest son made an order at the cashier, the dad took selfies with his wife and daughter. When the son has finished ordering, he joined everyone for selfies. Sometimes, the dad walked out of the frame and took candids from different angles.

“Over here.” said the dad after he’s done with the candids. All three of his kids gave him a big smile, and the mom joked about how the dad almost knocked over a bottle to get a shot. They all laughed.

At first, I was suprised that the dad literally spent 10+ minutes taking picture of his wife and kids. The kids, who seem to be enjoying their time, didn’t look annoyed at all when the dad constantly interrupted their chit-chat and told them to smile.

Hell, if it were me, I can totally see myself complaining, “Enough pleaseeeee...”

Then the scene changed when their order arrived. It was a waffle, and all five of them were enthusiastically taking picture (of course!). The kids with a close-up shot (which I think would be VSCO-ed later) and of course, the dad with the weird angles. The mom stopped taking picture early, and being a total mom; she said, “Hurry up, the ice cream’s melting!”.

So they shared the waffle. I didn’t hear the conversation, but all of them were laughing, and not a single pair of eyes were glued to their phones. Then, the mom put out her phone and dialed someone, which I assumed is another family member.

“Hey! How are you?”

“Have you done your lunch?”

“Why does your mustache look so thick?”

“Take care..”

Everyone else took turns chatting with the person on the phones. Before hanging up, the mom held the camera up high so that everyone fit the frame, and all of them shouted, “Byeeee!”.

And then they continued with their waffle.

See, 17-year old me would think “What a LaMe hUmaN bEing I am if I’m a Teenager aNd I’m spEndinG my LazY sUnday wiTh my FamiLy”.

23-year old me would be irritated that this family next to me is taking picture almost non-stop. I’d mumbled something like, “God, enough already.”

But, guess what 28-year-old me thinks?

I actually think they’re cute :)

If I’m 50 years old, I’d want my husband to take picture of our teenage kids from weird angles.

I’d want my kids to smile happily for their dad. I’d love to try this strange-looking boba waffle just because my kids recommended it. And if I have one kid who lives far away, I’d want him or her to know that our family’s okay, were hanging out together, and we’re thinking of you.

Families are awesome. I know nobody asked, but I feel obliged to pass around this warmth I got from the waffle family. It’s sunday. After all, and aren’t sunday supposed to be warm? <3

___

Febs.

[febyfebri]

semoga bumi bergulir,

mengalirkan takdir,

sungai hidup berdua,

pada satu muara.

***

Febs

[febyfebri]