Um, like, oh my gosh, you guys, I am, like, beyond freakin’ pissed right now, I can’t even deal, I’m, like, having the biggest meltdown of my life, and I don’t even care who hears me! My daddy just got me a car after I passed my drivving test, and I was, like, sooo ready to be the cutest lil princess on the road, ‘cause I wanted a pink Audi R8, duh, ‘cause that’s, like, super adorbs and stuff! But nooo, he got me a Corsa! A FUKKIN CORSA!!! LIKE, WHAT EVEN IS THAT DUMB CAR?! I’M SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF AND STOMPING MY FEET SO HARD I MIGHT BREAK MY FAVE HEELS, AND I DON’T EVEN CARE IF I BREAK EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE, ‘CAUSE THIS IS, LIKE, THE MOST UNFAIR THING EVER, DADDY, YOU’RE THE WORST EVER! I’m, like, supposed to be all sparkly and fab on Gram and TikTok, not, like, driving some gross Corsa that’s, like, for boring peasants or whatever! How am I even supposed to take cute car selfies in that?! It’s, like, so un-Insta, I can’t even, I’m, like, dying of shame already, and I deserve so much better, ‘cause I’m, like, me!
And, oh my gosh, it’s even worse—it’s, like, purple?! PURPLE?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, DADDY?! I’M, LIKE, THROWING THE BIGGEST TANTRUM EVER, ‘CAUSE I WANTED PINK, ‘CAUSE PINK IS, LIKE, MY WHOLE ENTIRE VIBE, IT’S ALL BARBIE AND CUTE AND STUFF, BUT PURPLE IS, LIKE, SO UGLY AND NOT ME AT ALL, AND NOW I LOOK LIKE SOME LAME NOBODY WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO MATCH HER AESTHETIC! I’m, like, kicking my chair and, like, screaming so loud my neighbors probly hate me, and I’m, like, throwing my phone across the room, and I hope it breaks, ‘cause I don’t even care, ‘cause daddy should care more about me! I can’t even show up to my shoots in a purple Corsa, my stylist will, like, laugh in my face, and my fans will be, like, “Eww, who even are you, why are you in that?!” I’m, like, crying my eyes out, ‘cause I’m supposed to be a total princess, not some nobody in a lame car, and daddy should know that, ‘cause he’s, like, rich, so he should’ve got me what I wanted, duh! I don’t even care if he spent his last penny, he should’ve made it happen, ‘cause I’m, like, his little girl, and I deserve everything!
And, like, hello, it took me, like, 7 tries to pass my drivving test, so an Audi R8 is, like, the only thing that makes sense, ‘cause 8 is, like, the next number after 7, and it’s, like, in the name, R8, so, like, obvs that’s the car I should have! Like, duh, daddy, why can’t you get that?! It’s, like, basic math or whatever, and I’m, like, so mad he didn’t even think about that! I worked so hard failing 7 times, and I finally passed, so I deserve the best car ever, not some dumb Corsa that’s, like, so not even cute! I can’t even fit all my Shein hauls in a Corsa, ‘cause it’s, like, so tiny and lame, and I need a big trunk for all my sparkly outfits, ‘cause I’m, like, the biggest deal on Gram, and I can’t be seen in something so un-Insta, it’s, like, ruining my whole life! I CAN’T EVEN POST A STORY WITH THAT CAR IN THE BACKGROUND, IT’S SO SHAMEFUL, DADDY, WHY WOULD YOU RUIN MY LIFE LIKE THIS?! I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME!
I’m, like, never ever talking to daddy again, he’s, like, the worst, and he doesn’t even love me, ‘cause if he did, he would’ve got me the pink Audi R8, not some stupid purple Corsa that’s, like, not even a real car! I’m, like, rolling on the floor crying, ‘cause this is, like, so unfair, and I deserve so much better, ‘cause I’m, like, the best, and I should have everything I want, ‘cause I’m, like, perfect! I don’t even care if daddy worked hard for his money, he should’ve spent it all on me, ‘cause I’m, like, his little princess, and I should have the best car ever! I’m, like, done with everything, I hate my life now, and it’s all daddy’s fault!
And, like, oh my gosh, I just know Lew (@otaku-orochi-okami) is, like, finding this so funny right now, and I’m, like, sooo pissed, ‘cause it’s not funny at all, okay?! I’M, LIKE, SCREAMING AND CRYING OVER HERE, AND THIS IS, LIKE, A HARD LIMIT FOR ME, LEW, YOU JERK! I can’t even deal with how much this purple Corsa is, like, ruining my whole life, and he’s probly laughing at me, thinking it’s, like, some big joke or whatever! But this is, like, serious, ‘cause I’m supposed to be a total princess, and I can’t even be seen in this dumb car, it’s, like, the worst thing ever! I’m, like, so mad I could, like, scream even louder, and I don’t even care if I lose my voice, ‘cause this is, like, the most unfair thing in the world, and Lew needs to, like, stop laughing and fix this, ‘cause I deserve a pink Audi R8, not some stupid Corsa that’s, like, making me look like a total loser! UGH, I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW, THIS IS SO NOT OKAY!
And, like, I’m, like, SO DONE WITH ALL THIS CRAP, I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE THIS STUPID MESS ANYMORE! LEW, YOU’RE, LIKE, THE WORST EVER, YOU STUPID FUKKIN JERK-FACE, YOU BIG DUMB BUTT-HEAD MEANIE, YOU DON’T EVEN GET HOW FREAKIN’ AWFUL THIS IS FOR ME, YOU SHITTY SHIT-SHIT! THIS UGLY-ASS PURPLE CORSA IS, LIKE, THE MOST HIDEOUS PIECE OF JUNK EVER, AND YOU’RE LAUGHING, YOU, YOU… UGH, YOU FUKKIN DICK-WAD IDIOT! I HATE YOU SO MUCH, I HATE DADDY, I HATE THIS STUPID CAR, I HATE ALL THIS BULLSHIT! I’M, LIKE, SCREAMING MY LIL HEAD OFF INTO MY HELLO KITTY PILLOW RIGHT NOW, ‘CAUSE I DESERVE SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS CRAP, AND NO ONE EVEN CARES, YOU BUNCH OF ASSHOLES! COCK! COCK! COCK! YOU’RE ALL FUKKIN COCKS, THIS CAR IS A NASTY COCK, THIS DAY IS A STUPID COCK, ALL THIS STUFF IS JUST A BIG FAT COCK! I’M, LIKE, THE BIGGEST PRINCESS EVER, AND YOU’RE ALL RUINING MY PERFECT LIFE, AND I HATE YOU ALL SO FREAKIN’ MUCH, YOU DUMB POOP-HEADS!
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