[shitbl0gger]

[vanilllagirlss]

[shimmeringterroroblivion]

[femmefair]

[femmefair]

credit: britain bosford (@bbritainnn on TiKTok)

[femmefair]

if he saw me singing along to these sabrina carpenter songs I just know he’d finally feel remorseful

[vanilllagirlss]

[bunprincees]

Now you suck♡

[lilalolix]

[queenofsaigonnnn]

[bl0ndeb4be]

[delicatetrashdelusion]

i just wear black on black on black on black

[rozzypozyy]

hehe

[queenbitchofthehimalayas]

Never been touched.

[femmefair]

ouch

me and error broke up today. I am so sad, but also relieved I don’t have to spend every waking second wondering what he’s feeling. He was so boarded up, his entire inner life was such a mystery to me. But the greater mystery is how he got away with all those “deep feelings” only to get over me in a week. I can’t believe I let myself fall in love, like fall in love fr fr with a skater-country boy w/ mommy issues. It hurt so badly deleting all the pictures and screenshots of text conversations. Not because I realized they’d be gone forever, but because I hated seeing the version of him that thought he loved me again. I feel so bamboozled, and I’m terrified of the person I might become after this. 

At first, it was like “remember, if catie can do what she did to you, you can never trust anyone.” So I told myself that I wouldn’t hold onto the niceties that anyone would feed me ever again. But damn. I guess love really is blind. And what’s worse is that I discovered my love language is words of affirmation. What a sick joke. He wore me down and made me feel so safe. But then he started taking it away. It started when I was having a sort of episode, opened up to him (ig twice too many times in one day), and he totally snapped on me. I deleted the messages, they made me feel so horrible, but I do remember that he texted “what are you even on???” That really sucked. So much for safety. 

After that, I felt an ounce of what it’d be feel like if he ever left me. So I kept my mouth shut. But I ended up losing him anyway. I’m starting to realize that, the whole way through, we really were fucked. But I wanted so badly for him to be the emotional soldier I needed, someone to show me that it was okay to be a little mentally ill and still be easy to love in my condition. Nope. 

I hate the entire world, and I am so disappointed by it. I’ve never felt more off the ground than I do today. 

Again, it is me versus the person I used to love so much. Why does everyone who loves me tolerate my absence so easily? If it’s not because I don’t belong here then it’s some cruel revenge being taken out on a version of myself that used to exist before me. Some ancestor along the way must have pissed off some witch and cursed the next generation of daughters to be barren with big bloody hearts that would yearn for the kind of partnership that doesn’t exist. And just to twist the knife, the world would dangle that exact fruit in front of me, so close that I could bite into it and finally taste what all the fuss is about. 

But of course, the fruit would turn sour, for reasons that I will invent for the rest of time. 

[femmefair]

big news - i've done the hard part for all of you. love really is dead. but the good news is that you can still experience it through y2k television.

good luck to you all xoxo

[femmefair]

How normal is it to be this dramatic? I am convinced that I am meant for another planet entirely. I hate the whole world, and I am disappointed by all of it.