The right side of the bed is empty.
Iggy doesn’t know why he does it, but he reaches out before his eyes are fully open, expecting to find Carl’s warm body still laying there. Instead, he touches the cold sheet and instantly fills with disappointment that he pushes past.
Ain’t got no reason to feel that way. They’re not- it’s not like that. Yeah, they’re goin’ out and shit, but it’s different. Iggy doesn’t expect him to stay the whole night or do all that couply stuff. It’s fine. Whatever.
He sits up, yawning, ignoring the tugging in his chest. It’s still plenty dark in the room, not much light coming in except for what’s streaming in under his curtains. Despite knowing better, Iggy risks a look around the room and just as he thought, none of Carl’s belongings are in there. The shoes he kicked off last night are gone, so are his clothes and even his phone isn’t laying on the nightstand any longer.
It’s a pussy move, checking his phone like some lovesick chick, but he does it anyway. It’s supposed to be his day off but Carl’s had to go in before so he probably just slipped out and left Iggy a message to explain-
Iggy quickly shuts it off. There’s this feelin’ in his gut now, swirling around. Look, he’s not expecting Carl to be prince fucking charming. He doesn’t expect shit.
Woulda been nice if he was told. It’s a lot to admit this, and he sure as hell won’t say it out loud. But some part of Iggy wishes Carl was still here or at least thought of him long enough to say something. Bit rich comin’ from him, he knows. It’s not like Iggy ever thought of doin’ it before. Usually, he’s a fuck and done kinda guy. The sooner he gets outta there the better. Course, sometimes there were occasions he stayed the night, but that didn’t lead to anything more than some more fucking in the morning. Wasn’t like he made it a habit of seeing those girls more than once, unless they were really good, of course.
Somethin’s changed. Somewhere along the line he got different. For some reason or other. Deep down, Iggy knows Carl’s got something to do with it. A lot of things have changed because of Carl, more than he wants to acknowledge.
He just wishes it didn’t make him feel so damn weird.
There wasn’t any reason to fuckin’ miss him like he ain’t been here for days. God, when did he get like this?
When Carl came into the picture. He thinks of messy hair, crooked grins, that laugh that plunges straight through Iggy’s stomach.
He wishes the shithead was here. Wishes he coulda touched him like he wants, not in a sexual way - course Iggy ain’t gonna say no to that. Just a brush on his skin, a simple glide through his hair. Anything, any reason to feel him.
It hurts. Hurts that he just up and left. He’s got no reason to expect otherwise, he knows that. They’re not that kinda couple. They’re just not.
He gets it. He accepts it.
Even if he wishes it was different.
A loud clang nearly stops Iggy’s heart right there. He’s taken back all of a sudden, back to when he was younger and dumber and Terry was stumbling around all over the place, making a mess of things.
That familiar voice muttering in annoyance. Iggy can hardly believe it. He slides out of the bed wearing nothin’ but his boxers and decides to throw on a t-shirt just in case.
An aroma wafts through the air. It’s not sweat or stale beer or cigarette smoke. It’s sweeter, Iggy inhales deeply at the same time that his stomach rumbles.
He pads out to where the kitchen is, stopping in his tracks when the first thing he sees is a plateful of pancakes in the middle of the table along with a couple glasses of orange juice already set.
Iggy gawks. He’s just sorta taken aback all at once and can’t form words or anythin’.
And his heart does somethin’ fuckin’ stupid. It skips a fucking beat when he finally notices Carl.
He didn’t leave. Just standing at the stove, huffing as one pancake is stuck to the bottom of the pan.
“Ay,” Iggy finds his voice, and it’s a little breathless, a little awed. Carl spares him a glance, still trying to use the spatula to lift the damn pancake. “What’s all this for?”
He’s still here. Carl just shrugs. “I was hungry and figured you’d be too. I made regular and Oreo ones. There’s some bacon too, if you want it.”
“No shit,” Iggy says, amazed. He can’t remember the last time - or anytime, actually - that someone ever made him breakfast.
The pancake Carl’s been struggling with goes flying. It lands on the floor, one side completely burnt. Carl scowls, muttering, “Fukc,” under his breath.
He doesn’t seem to notice the softened look on Iggy's face. Doesn’t seem to realize how much this means to him.
“You didn’t have to do this.”
Carl looks at him, furrowing his brows. “What, make breakfast?”
This is nothing to him. Just a simple gesture he doesn’t think twice before doing, and once again, Iggy is reminded that despite being raised similarly, their households were vastly different.
Iggy’s not used to kindness. He’s not used to people being thoughtful, thinkin’ about him and all.
“Coulda done it myself,” Iggy mutters.
This makes Carl scrunch up his face slightly. “What’s the big deal? You’re hungry, right?”
He is, it’s just - Iggy doesn’t even know. Doesn’t know here he’s going with it or why he’s not just sitting down, tucking in. He’s starving but too uncomfortable to do much other than stand there.
“I know how to cook, Shithead.”
Carl snorts. “You suck at cooking, Iggy.”
“Do not,” Iggy shoots back, cuz, no the fuck he doesn’t.
“So what...” Iggy grumbles, dragging a hand down his face. This got really stupid. “Look-” Carl’s midway to the trash to dump that botched pancake when he stops. The words are right there, he knows what he wants to say. Knows what’s so close to coming out.
“They better be good,” he says instead. Carl rolls his eyes, and flips him off.
It lightens things considerably, but Iggy is still on edge, just a bit. While Carl’s back is turned to dump some boiling hot water on that pan, Iggy swallows.
There’s this...weird feelin’ again. It’s not an ache, not a throb like earlier. This one’s different, full of appreciation, something that’s foreign to him.
He's crossing the room before he realizes what he's doing, arms wrapping around Carl. Iggy doesn't know what's come over him, just knows that all he wants is to feel him.
Iggy presses his face in the crook of Carl's neck. His boyfriend doesn't seem to mind, just grumbles a little.
“Jesus, Ig. Warn a guy next time.”
Iggy inhales, eyes closed, breathing in that scent of Carl. He don’t know what it is, some weird shit about himself or what, but the smell calms him. Makes it easier to think. Course, he ain’t gonna say that. That’s a lil too gay for his taste.
‘Sides. That little shithead will just let his ego get huge and he’s got enough of that going on with his own brothers. He don’t need it from his boyfriend either.
It gets quiet between them. A lull that lasts for nearly a minute or so. Slowly, Iggy feels himself relax, just resting against Carl comfortably.
It’s just...nice, this is. Feels real nice. And well, it makes the truth come spilling out.
It’s not like he means to say it. He doesn’t. Just sort of tumbles out of him.
It comes out quietly, but Carl hears it nonetheless.
“What?” Carl says, confused. He's no longer washing the pan, just still.
Now Iggy's a little embarrassed. What the fuck was wrong with him? He shoulda just sat down and ate. “Fuckin’ forget it-”
“No,” Carl interrupts. He reaches back to grasp Iggy's hip. “What's your problem? Why'd you think I left?”
He hears it, the frown. Iggy groans, wishing he just kept his damn mouth shut.
“You weren’t in bed,” he says with reluctance, can practically hear Terry scoffing at him for being a fucking pussy, “thought you just left.”
“I wouldn’t have left without saying something,” Carl says, like it’s simple. Like it’s obvious. “Or a note.”
“Yeah?” Iggy says, a little more hopeful.
Well, now he feels fucking stupid.
Iggy backs up when Carl turns around. He’s got this look on him like he’s staring through Iggy.
“I wouldn't just leave,” he repeats, soft and firm all at the same time.
Iggy swallows. He can't say he knows, there's still this bit of doubt that won't leave.
Carl steps forward, just so, maintaining eye contact the whole time, he hugs Iggy properly this time around. Arms around him, cheek pressed against his chest and it kinda catches Iggy off guard because they don't hug. Not really.
Iggy stays frozen for a split second, and then he's holding him back, and they stay like that for God knows how long. Just enjoying this moment.