filia sapphonis sum

•she’s called j. xx•

[sea-stars-and-the-sun]

[loving-tc-deactivated20210421]

Everything I do, I wonder what you’d think about it.

[drunkenacademia]

-the greedy heart.

[filiasapphonis]

27/12/22

so i’m seeing her next week :)

[filiasapphonis]

We need updates?! Did you meet her before going to uni?

ok so i know it’s been like 3 months sorry !!! but i did meet her and we just had a really long conversation , i don’t really remember the details of it

i’ve moved countries now but i’m coming home next week for a good while for christmas, i plan to see her at some point then

we have emailed pretty frequently since i moved and some of the stuff she sends me is so cute (also she’s started signing her emails with her first name and now her nickname 🥹)

[filiasapphonis]

what did she reply !!?!

she was just like !!! use my email also miss u come see me before u move to university

so

i’m seeing her on friday

crying screaming throwing up

[filiasapphonis]

she replied ???????????

[bnmxfld]

“In my memory, it doesn’t end. We just stay there, looking at each other, forever.”

— John Green / Paper Towns

[filiasapphonis]

i think our story just ended. made a reason to go into school today and she had left by the time i got there. tomorrow is the last day of term and there’s so little chance of seeing her and i have no reason to be there . but i wanted to apologise for the email and leave a way to get in touch but our last interaction is now just a normal conversation and that stupid email. i know it’s stupid to think that her leaving early today had anything to do with me but i can’t stop thinking that she wants to avoid me.

she’s not going to be here all summer as she’s going travelling so i can’t even dream about running into her some random day, and the next time i could see her is next year now if even .

i don’t want to email her again because i feel like she hates me but i feel so…. crushed

how does 7 years and all those chats and silly memories just end on a random week day and i didn’t even know it was the last one ?

[patronsaintofteachercrushes]

how do u guys deal with the guilt ? sometimes i feel like i make him so uncomfortable and that’s the last thing i ever wanna do.

[filiasapphonis]

went to leave books back in to school today and she wasn’t there .

[filiasapphonis]

exception by renforshort should be the tc community anthem tbh

i just listened to it there and it’s on repeat now

[filiasapphonis]

my friends and i went out the other night and i got drunk and emailed her 😭😭😭😭😭so embarrassed i just deleted the whole email app

it wasn’t even bad , but i have to go in and give books back now so going to be very awkward. also mildly afraid she’ll hate me ??

[filiasapphonis]

re downloaded the app and thankfully no reply

but

what if i get in trouble or she hates me or won’t speak to me anymore ???

i already don’t know what to do because i am officially out of school. it’ll only be a few weeks before we lose our school email addresses , i have no reason to be in school anymore and to top it off she’ll be away all summer . it’s pretty common here to come back at christmas time after you have started uni to say hi to teachers , but i can’t wait that long . 7 years can’t be reduced to this .

and it hurts so so so much because no matter how strong my feelings are it won’t change anything for her and there is nothing i can do to change that and the email was . stupid . but here we are

[filiasapphonis]

my friends and i went out the other night and i got drunk and emailed her 😭😭😭😭😭so embarrassed i just deleted the whole email app

it wasn’t even bad , but i have to go in and give books back now so going to be very awkward. also mildly afraid she’ll hate me ??

[filiasapphonis]

just did my last exam so i will ….. never see her again

unless i go in next week to return books so i can speak to her

what do i SAY tho she’s not here all summer and i’m too nervous too ask for her number

[filiasapphonis]

i literally hate when i go to talk to her and there’s someone in her room… it’s always the same guy too like LEAVE this is my time

[filiasapphonis]

she emailed me unprompted today WHAT