…to Angel she said, “Listen, you might not like it - but you have to live with it. After my mom died I went through a lot. And Spike was there. And then I came back from the dead, and guess what? Spike was also there. You don’t get to complain when you were never there. You left and I always feared there was something wrong with me, you know, because I couldn’t make it work. But then Spike happened. And it worked. It works.”
If Spike was the sun Buffy was pretty sure he would be glowing bright as could be, “Thanks pet.” He told her.
Buffy smiled at him but kept going because she still had a point to make and Angel needed to hear it, even if he didn’t want to, “Listen. I was cookie dough. After you left I had a whole lot of baking to do - a whole lot of becoming whoever the hell I was gonna be. Some of which, I still haven’t got figured out yet. But what I do know is that with Spike - I’m cookies. With him I get to be cookie me. Or at least part of cookie me. And I want it to be him who gets to enjoy the rest of cookie Buffy when I figure the other half out. When I’m done.”
Spike knew all this of course. They had talked about it from time to time. In between the soft touches and kisses. About how they were each other’s one - come hell or high water. But Buffy had never really defended him like this, had never gone into so much depth about how she felt about him to other people. It was sweet to tell Willow she loved Spike, or Dawn that he made her happy - but this was different, this felt different. It felt like a commitment, no matter the outcome of the battle, “So you’re saying Spike is the one you want to eat you.” Xander summarized only to realize exactly what he had said.
+ Buffy, Spike, Angel, and Xander “Chosen“ - Season 7, Episode 22 (Cookie Dough Speech - Revised)
