Laugh It Off

I like it when you smile, You should do that more often.

[brandnewcountrystar]

my history professor told me today that he “likes the way I look vaguely pissed off” during class

[finest-text-posts-blog]

Interviewer: what sort of things have you accomplished in your life?

Me: idk I'm pretty proud of my right eyebrow

[gothstan]

ma: u high

me: 

[h0odrich]

Shoutout to every black and white cat named oreo

[finest-text-posts-blog]

Me: accidentally says something that implies I have emotions

Me: oh no

[finest-text-posts-blog]

Hetero Humor™

Man: *get shot in the leg and robbed*

Man: heh heh heh… Well boys… It could’ve been worse… I could’ve been SHOPPING with the WIFE! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[aguaman-deactivated20170531]

when i lose this baby fat on my face then u will realize

[jasonhorton]

Never go to work again

[finest-text-posts-blog]

Me: *walks on stage*

Me: *adjusts my outfit*

Me: *clears throat*

Me: *brings microphone close*

Me: *looks down at my notecards*

Me:

Me: *throws the notecards away*

Me: *looks at the audience with confidence*

Me: Garlic bread.

Crowd: *cheers loudly*

Crowd: *throws roses and cherry blossoms at the stage*

Me: *nods in agreement*

[theziallhorlikbible]

Me: good dick *pats dick lightly

[finest-text-posts-blog]

friend: *judges everything I do for no reason*

me: Confused.com as to why your such a prick

[individualise-deactivated201601]

me being classy: I’ll take a mimosa without champagne please 

[jean-shut-up-blog]

Video: *cat meows*

Me: Same.

Video: *Cook boils carrots*

Me: Same.

Video: *pretends to snap neck and proceed to fall into wave for comedic effect*

Me: Same.

Video: *A feather. Just a fucking feather. Theres nothing special about it, its just a feather, theres no way a human being could identify with it.*

Me: Same

[glasevass-deactivated20190527]

how do i look rich and stylish when i’m poor and don’t want to take a shower

[glasevass-deactivated20190527]

i just found five bucks in my bra i feel rich thank you world

[makingmary-blog]

Me : *takes a nap*

Life : wakey wakey big mistakey

[ruinedchildhood]

when you’re hungry and you remember there’s leftovers

when you realize someone already ate them