drought; @finllyclean - Tumblr Blog

ok fuck recovery im back on my bullshit hello

#my new ugw is zero #oh my GOD it feels so amazing to finally admit it #ive spent weeks in denial #was doing good for a couple months but #rip #i wanna be skini

ALSO im starting to see my abs lol What the Fuck!!! my arms and thighs will prolly always be chubby but does it even fucking matter anymore??? (yeah i lil bit) i can touch feel and see my muscles and i feel so healthy and happy with there i'm headed and its all that really counts

#im still figuring my shit out #but im going so strong and ive been for a while now

its so weird to see the little ways my brain isnt asjusted to my new body yet

like even though i've lost all this weight, i still tend to do the "fat walk" (you know what im talking about)

i lose my balance a lot because i tend to move the same way i had to when i was fat

when i go shopping i try on clothes and then go "oh silly me these are fat people clothes" (the type of clothes that intentionally hide problem areas, the ones i always went for in the past)

dont even get me Started on serving sizes, i used to be shocked at how small one serving of basically everything was and now im like yeah sounds about right and i forget about that sometimes so i'll just order regular sized juices or coffees or whatever and then im like... oh.... thats..... too much imma burst

#this is coming from someone in recovery #someone who now has a healhy balanced diet and is currently building muscle #its just still strange i think i need more time to readjust #anamia #anorexiia #ed recovery

just a little heads up i gained some weight back oops lmfao but im eating healthy af and working out everyday and im overall feeling a lot better so YEAH recovery???

#it would be iconic if i could actually keep this up #building muscle and all #im just struggling with some stuff #like my eating window #and my protein intake #yikes i might need supplements bc it always ends up being like 45% carbs 45% fat and 10% jackshit protein #ew

me: ok lets do this recovery thing

me: *loses appetite*

what the fuck!!

hmmm should i try to recover

#ive kinda had it like im just so over this shit lol #but like im so scared of getting fat lol #i just want a nice vegan diet and to exercise regularly #which is like ok but #can i actually do it #mmmm probably?#anamia

i just saw a video of myself and for the first time ever i actually wasnt digusted by my size

#progresssssss #i could get used to this #im never letting myself get fat again

i also just had one sip of vodka+dietcoke and im tipsy i love getting drunk for basically free

so i ate breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks and 3/4 of a chocolate cake yesterday lmfaoooo what the fuck

and i woke up bloated af so i fasted today (water tea coffee) and its 10pm and ive literally never looked better lmfao? what???

face? snacthed

stomach? flat

thighs? borderline gap

collarbones?? HUGE

#this is the best day of my life #i guess these how to get over a plateau things actually work then?#wowza

im a bit drunk but i just wanna say that im so fucking happy because im the lightest ive ever been

#my biggest regret is deleting my before pics at a moment of despair #i just couldnt have it on my phone anymore #but now i wish i did #i have videos from a few months ago and my face was so chubby compared to now its so funny

treygotguap

#!!!!!!!!!!!! for the first time probably ever #im finally focusing on myself #and its time consuming everyday so #irl ppl tend to think im being bitchy ignoring them #but like.#i need this it feels so good and liberating

gay-renae

I 💘 my cat and it shows

i snacked at work today and i feel so bad because i could feel myself losing control agh

#luckily it was only about 400ish calories so im still under 1000 probably #but ..... what i felt scared me like shit #its prolly my pms #cause my brain is already planning the -monthly binge- which is Not Even A Thing wtf!!!#im trying not to focus on this shit and my brains just like ok heres what we're buying next time u have a day off :)#S T O P im doing so well with restricting and exercise!!!!! shut up!!!!!!#im p sure the only thing that could stop me is if i work everyday for this whole month #itd be good because its distraction + moving a shit ton #id die from exhaustion but at least i wouldnt binge!!

skinny-dreams-of-little-me

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