Finnegan Martin

Finnegan. 28. Firefighter. Ex-Orderly (and patient) of Glendale. PTSD and complications. ((This is a mature RP and will be posting things of 18+ nature. Writer and character are 21+))

[finneganinqueens]

ryanjamvson‌:

“I want every piece of you Ryan...” Finn murmured in the husky, honey drenched voice that deepened with his attraction. Ryan’s toying fingers were drowning Finn’s brain in a lake of dopamine. He felt dizzy in an intoxicating way. “Oh, fuck.” Finn breathed out as Ryan’s hand found Finn’s hardening cock. The defined muscles of his thighs and abs tightened for a minute as he held himself back from grinding into Ryan’s hand. Finn’s eyes closed and his head tipped back slightly as a hungry moan grew from his chest.  “Fuck, Ryan...” His hips bucked forward for a moment as his hardness became uncomfortable. He was dying for more sensation. “It feels so good.” He breathed, opening his clouded eyes and looking at Ryan. He captured the man’s lips against his own as soon as Ryan came in for a kiss. The way he moved against the man was desperate. Ryan’s fingers slipped below the fabric and stroked Finn. He moaned against Ryan’s lips; this time entirely unable to stop himself from grinding into the man’s palm. “I want to pin you down...” Finn admitted, hazy eyes locking onto Ryan’s as their lips parted. “I’m so fucking hard for you right now, Ryan. I need... I mean, either your mouth, or the rest of you right now.” Finn dropped his hands and pulled his briefs down enough for his hard cock to spring free. “I need you.”

[finneganinqueens]

ryanjamvson‌:

Ryan smiled. He knew the situation was meant to be serious but he couldn’t help the sense of pride that grew when he saw Finn’s reaction. “Good at what?” He asked. He wanted to tease him farther but he thought he would hear what he had to say first. Ryan didn’t drag the male all the way down here for sex anyway though he wouldn’t mind if they did just that. He wouldn’t be too surprised either. A lot of people only wanted sex from him and nothing else. There had been CJ and Keegan. But both of them disappeared on him. Keegan especially. He had developed certain feelings for him only to abandoned at the end. 

He listened to the male. A frown on his face. He was worried. Finn’s issue was something he could and could not relate concurrently. The male stripper put his guards up. He avoided getting into relationships as much as he could for the reason Finn had spoken about. They all had left him. They all had given him hope. Then crush him later. “Relationships are shit.” He said grimly and softly. He was showing a side of him he didn’t show to anyone else. What does it matter anyway? He knows Finn wouldn’t stick around either. Might as well. “People leave. They either get bored of you or they turn on you to chase for something else. Why do you think I refuse to let anyone get close to me darling?” He asked. His smile was there but bitter. “I wanted to open up once. This guy….. Keegan was his name. He gave me hope. He slept with me and treated me like I was his only one. I was stupid and started believing it would be different. It wasn’t. He left. I’ve had three people I loved. All of them left.” 

Slowly he kissed Finn on the lips. He looked so raw. So empty and lost. “I’m sorry to hear about your brother.” He couldn’t promise he wouldn’t leave. They were practically strangers still but he didn’t want to give him another false hope. Maybe he cared for him more than he had let on. He saw himself in this vulnerable man’s eyes. “I want you, Finn. I want every inch of you.” He said. He stroked his fingers down to his waistband. He moved his kisses to his neck. “Wanna help you and make you feel good. Let me make you forget.” He played with his pants and looked at him with big eyes, asking for his permission. 

“Good at getting what you want.” Finn smiled playfully. Ryan had a way of making moves on him that were unrivaled by any other guy Finn had been with. There was something honest in the way that Ryan spoke about what he wanted. Finn appreciated that. Ryan’s response did make him wonder who had done damage to Ryan’s hope in relationships. Finn had never realized that Ryan was so opposed to them before. 

Finn’s eyes grew wide when Ryan mentioned Keegan’s name. Instantly his heart began to beat faster. He remembered their kiss a few weeks previous and then the radio silence from Keegan. “Yeah... “ Finn nodded. “People leave. You can’t trust any of them.” He pondered for a moment about bringing Keegan up, but he decided against it. Keegan was his past now. Same as Casey. He definitely didn’t want to know what Ryan meant when he said that he’d loved all the people who had left him. Had he been in love with Keegan? Finn didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t have the mental energy to think about it.

He sunk into Ryan’s kisses. I’m sorry about your brother. Why was that so healing to hear Ryan say that? Maybe Finn had kept those parts of him too close to his chest. It took a lot of energy to keep his vulnerable side hidden and it only hurt him and isolated him more to do that. I want you, Finn. He let out a satisfying hum of approval as he felt Ryan’s fingertips brushing the skin by his waistband. 

“Fuck.... Ryan...” Finn groaned as the man’s touch began to drive shivers up the taut muscles of his back. His lips parted as his breathing came out heavier. “That feels so good.” He looked down into the man’s eyes and another wave of lust washed over him and balled up in his gut. He moved his hands down and unbuttoned his pants, leaving the rest of the work to Ryan. Finn couldn’t keep his hands off of Ryan any longer than the time it took to undo the button. He brought his hands up into the dancer’s thick head of hair. “You drive me wild.” He murmured, basking in every physical delight of Ryan’s touch.

[finneganinqueens]

There's plenty of fish in the sea. You're a good person. You'll find someone who deserves your attention and love.

“I feel like love is out of the question at this point. How could I even find that again? Or even if I did find it, how could I trust it? Everyone leaves. Everyone. I can’t deal with that anymore. But attention, yeah, I’m alright with that. I need that to be honest. And not just romantic attention, but just... someone to fucking trust.”

[finneganinqueens]

[finneganinqueens]

ryanjamvson‌:

Finnegan was a tormented soul. That much was obvious. Ryan had worked under several establishments and seen his fair share of patrons harboring dark secrets even if only through a simple glance. Now under typical circumstances he would have elected to ignore the stress in other’s eyes but Finnegan was someone the male stripper had grown curiosity for and he would be lying if he hadn’t felt at least a twinge of attraction. Who could have possibly resist that? He was tall, dark, handsome and now mysterious. “I don’t think I do. The sorrow in your eyes though. It’s a tad obvious.” He said as he pushed him farther into the room. The world was spinning fast yet it felt like it just spun for the two of them. He could look at Finnegan’s eyes and allow himself to get lost in there forever, yearning to solve the unspoken riddles. 

“You can start by telling me what’s been hurtying you. You look like you’re in pain. Emotionally at the very least.” His voice was husky. He wanted him to enjoy all of this and not get turned off by the request. Ryan decided to be more brave a second after. After Finnegan had put his arms down, the male stripper lowered his own. Except he lifted back them up again, sneaking underneath Finnegan’s top and touching his toned skin appreciatively.  “You can talk about anything or not at all. I just want to help you.” He said. He leaned closer until his body was pressed flush against him. His lips lingered over his neck. “Let me help, darling.” 

If it was already so obvious, Finn wasn’t sure what he could possibly hold back. Perhaps it had all come to some kind of tipping point. It had been almost three years to the day since his brother had died. What was his life now? What did he have to show for those years? 

The feeling of Ryan’s fingertips trailing up his skin was an instant distraction. The noise that escaped Finn’s throat was somewhere between a sigh and a deep hum. It was fully involuntary as his body reacted to the proximity of the handsome dancer. Finn’s chest rose and fell with a few excited breaths as he willed his heart to stop racing so quickly. “Fuck you’re good at this.” He murmured, head tilting up slightly as Ryan’s breath brushed Finn’s neck. “I...  Fuck it, I’m falling apart, Ryan.” He stilled himself beneath the man’s touch. “I’ve been in this fucking city for what... two years now? And I’ve been with two guys, one girl, and they’ve all left me...” All gone. Empty apartment. Abandoned belongings. His life was becoming a storage unit of unwanted things. “I came here after I lost someone, my brother. I needed to be somewhere new. I keep thinking I’m not alone here and then... everyone leaves.” It was probably half the reason that losing track of people in the club had bothered him so much.

His arms wrapped around Ryan’s back, fingertips pressing in on the man’s shirt. “Tell me you want me.” Finn breathed, with complete honesty in his voice. That was what he needed. I don’t want to be forgotten. His heart was aching even while his skin was electric with Ryan’s touch. “Even if its just for right now. Let me forget.” 

[finneganinqueens]

[finneganinqueens]

ryanjamvson‌:

“Oh, darling. Don’t be so hard on yourself. This place is huge.” He liked Finnegan but he thought the guy was a bit too tense. Obviously a lot was burdening his mind. Ryan wanted to be one of the people who maybe could set him free from his own thoughts, even if only for a second. He looked trapped. Like he didn’t know what to do with his life or what to choose. He knew Finn was anything but a prude. He had seen those hungry eyes watching him and there wasn’t anything pure about it. So he wondered, what exactly was holding him back? Trauma or fear? Ryan’s mind was filled with questions. Finnegan was complex and Ryan wanted to scratch on every surface, finding the person behind this good guy exterior. “It could be both. Depends on your mood. You look like you really could use some relaxation. Am I right?” He listened to him and nodded his head. He didn’t know if he could relate exactly to what he was experiencing but he had been in a position where he had no idea where to go either. “Let me help?” He said softly. For a moment he lost his usual seduction and he looked at Finnegan with warmth in his eyes. He wanted to know what scarred this beautiful man. He took him into one of the rooms with less people and more furniture. There was an old television, frayed curtains and a surprisingly rather comfy couch. “You can tell me what’s on your mind while I touch you.” He said. He placed his hands on Finnegan’s chest. “How does that sound?” 

How did Ryan always get such a good read on him? Finn’s expression froze for a moment when Ryan asked if he needed to relax. He definitely did. Casey was gone.... Keegan was gone... The world had crumbled around him. Finn was a protector at his core, and he had lost. He had lost so many people that he had loved. “You are very right.” He breathed with a weak smile. He didn’t know how Ryan was going to help, but he was willing to surrender entirely at this point. Finn had run out of coping mechanisms. He was a tightly wound man and something in him had broken. Desperately, miserably, he was trying to hold himself together. Under the soft gaze of this well-known stranger, he finally realized how futile those efforts were. “You... know me too well.” Finn exhaled, feeling the true irony of that statement. He and Ryan couldn’t really be described as friends, but Ryan had always seemed to recognize him in an intimate sort of way. 

You can tell me what’s on your mind while I touch you. A shiver passed through Finn’s entire body. This was it. Ryan’s intoxicating mix of seduction and emotional release. “Amazing,” was the only word that Finn could muster. But he couldn’t focus purely on what was going on in his head when Ryan was standing in front of him in such an alluring and imposing manner. Finn’s hands came up and rest on Ryan’s shoulders for a moment before softly running down his biceps. Beneath Ryan’s hand, Finn’s heart was beating so fast. “I... don’t know what to say though.” He admitted, hands falling away from Ryan’s body. “I don’t know where to start.” He shook his head in disbelief and then looked back up at Ryan. 

[finneganinqueens]

keegan-anderson‌:

As Finn offered to take care of Pearl, Keegan was thankful for it. He would have asked Griffin, but given their last interaction, things were a little more tense than usual. Plus he didn’t know how he could face him after all of the openness that had been held in Keegan’s apartment tonight. “I actually don’t know how she’ll do. She’s never been around other cats before. Well, at least not as an adult. As a kitten she was in a cage full of her brothers and sisters. But we can try it out. I just don’t want her to be by herself here. A month or so is too long for that.” He wasn’t sure how long his rehab program was going to be but he figured that, that was a good time length to get better. “I’m sorry he just left them there for you. If you want..I can maybe take another cat in. After I get back that is. I was thinking about getting a dog but I don’t know if my landlady would allow that.” He shrugged. “I’m sure she will be fine. I can’t imagine her trying to start fights or anything. She’s a bit timid at first anyway.” Pearl had always been shy at first when it came to meeting new people, but once she warmed up to you then that was it. Keegan knew that she already liked Finnegan, so that wouldn’t be a problem. “I wouldn’t actually mind some help in picking a place out. I’m kind of lost in the department.” He paused as he thought about Finn driving him to the rehab facility. It was a little difficult to imagine. Finn driving away after dropping him off, but apart of Keegan didn’t want anyone else to be the one to take him. “You’d do that? Drive me there?” He asked curiously. He wanted to hold onto that promise. 

Keegan didn’t mean to make Finn go silent. He just had so many questions that he wanted answers to. He wasn’t sure himself how to resolve any of this and he hoped by some miracle that Finn would have known. “Maybe we can figure it out together somehow. You don’t have to figure it out yourself.” It was a long shot, but it was still possible. Both of them needed to heal from the past and that came with time and growth. 

When Finn said that he would grab the spoons, Keegan nodded and made his way to the living room area. He grabbed one of the DVD’s that Finn had picked out and set it up within the player. By the time Finn stepped back in the area everything was set up. Keegan sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to him for Finn to join. “You didn’t. Thing’s are only awkward if you let them get awkward. Plus, I think we’re past the point of feeling awkward in our relationship.” He chuckled as he took the pint of Cookie Dough Ice cream and opened up the lid and placed it back down on the coffee table. “I see that you’re trying to change Finn. And I appreciate the openness. I really do. And now it’s my turn to be open with you. I haven’t really shown much of my emotion and I apologize for that. I’m just…I’m trying to be careful.” He looked down at his hands for a moment before continuing and averting his attention back to the blue hues that were in front of him. “I don’t know what else is there to say in regards to us. I do know though, that I can’t just be your friend Finn. I’m sorry if that’s weird for you to hear….but I can’t hangout with you and become all buddy, buddy like we didn’t used to love each other. Because I still love you. And until somebody knocks me over the head with a bowling ball pin..I’ll probably continue to love you.” 

“I’m sure they’ll get along just fine.” Finn smiled, thinking fondly of Pearl and Ginger getting to know each other. “No need for her to be by herself. I’ll take really good care of her. I promise.” The thought of a whole month without Keegan sounded difficult. Finn had lived for a long time in the silence that he’d caused between them. Now that he had Keegan back in his life, the thought of him leaving again was heartbreaking. He sat on the couch next to his ex and watched the emotion in those bright blue eyes. Keegan had never been hard to read. Eventually his eyes would give him away. It seemed like Keegan was saddened by the thought of going away too, though Finn supposed that sadness was also coupled with deep anxiety. “Yeah, I’d be lost too. It sounds like a difficult decision to make. But between the two of us we can make the right choice.” He reassured Keegan. “And of course I can drive you. I don’t want you to have to go there alone. It’ll be tough to see you go, but at least I’ll get to spend those last couple minutes with you. And on the bright side, most places let you have visitors after a couple weeks.”

 The two of them opened their pints of ice cream to let them thaw a bit. Finn couldn’t focus on much else either than Keegan as the evenings’ openness continued. He couldn’t recall a single time that he’d had this much vulnerable conversation with another person- not since his brother had died. Getting all of these feelings out into the open was making him feel closer to Keegan than ever. I can’t just be your friend, Finn. That was fair. He was starting to accept that his feelings for Keegan weren’t ever just going to be platonic. “It’s not weird.” He said softly. “I don’t think I want that for us either. I can’t pretend that I don’t have feelings for you. And I can’t pretend that I didn’t just hear you say that you love me.” His eyes found Keegan’s and he leaned in an inch as he studied his ex’s expression. “Tell me to stop. Tell me if its too much for what’s going on right now.” He murmured, voice growing deep as he kept his eyes on Keegan. “Or…” He leaned forward, hands moving immediately to Keegan’s hair. His lips played hungrily against Keegan’s as he gently gripped the back of the younger man’s neck.

[finneganinqueens]

ryanjamvson‌:

“Playing babysitter then?” Ryan couldn’t help teasing. He liked how caring Finn was of other people. He admired those who did. Ryan thought of himself as a selfish person, only giving a damn about himself so when a guy came down and turned out to be just as selfless as Finn was it trembled him to the core with curiosity. He was so much more than just the attractive dude he had met at the club. He was almost perfect but Ryan knew better that everyone held secrets. He wanted to get beyond those layers to figure who Finn really was. He couldn’t help the attraction. The need to know more. Simultaneously he also wanted to sit on his lap and make out with him until his tongue dried out. “There’s a room back there. Dim. If you can handle this fucking stoner that won’t shut up about his fucking preen at the entrance of the room then we should be fine. The view is great too.” He smiled. “What do you say, handsome?” 

“Yeah, a bit. A bad one though. I’ve lost track of all the familiar faces already.” He shrugged, casting his eyes over the crowd for a moment to confirm that he had, in fact, lost sight of everyone. His eyes returned to Ryan and he smiled. The other man was tied in Finn’s mind to relaxation, release, and comfort. He had visited the dancer a few times before in order to get himself out of his corrosive headspace. Ryan was a wonderful remedy and a very kind person at his core, from what Finn could tell. He felt a sudden rush of excitement flutter in his gut at the prospect of spending some time and getting to know the dancer a little better. “I can settle for a somewhat private room.” He teased. “A good view of the rave, or...are you promising something else?” Finn moved closer, ready to follow Ryan’s lead. “I’m in the midst of a strange and unexpected period of freedom... More than I’m used to.” He had mentioned Casey once to Ryan in passing, if only to say ‘I’m taken’, but now things had changed. Finn had no one waiting for him at home and nothing tethering him to responsibilities at this point. He was on a brief leave from work after everything had happened with Casey and Keegan. “So I’m trying to give in to the flow of things a little bit more.” He smiled softly, watching Ryan’s face as they made their way out of the ruckus of the main room. Loss of control was usually a major trigger of Finn’s panic, but so many things had fallen from his grasp at once that he had resigned himself to allowing the waves to pull him along as they wished. If they pulled him under...he wasn’t going to fight it.

[ryanjamvson]

Ryan wasn’t really a rave guy. He’d always been more of a high-end person, only going to clubs he considered superiour. He wanted to dip in and try something new though. Maybe he would be able to form some new connections here. He enjoyed being adventurous afterall. He wasn’t here for the drugs or even the drinks, he just wanted to survey what was happening. Leaning on one of the graffiti filled walls, he looked over to the crowd and saw many of them pushing one another already. One seemed out of place so he approached them with a charming smile. “You look a little lost.” The male stripper greeted. “Need a place to hide?” 

[finneganinqueens]

“Not lost, just... not super into whatever this is.” Finnegan admitted, noticing the familiar face. “But someone here has to keep a level head.” His instincts had told him from the very beginning that an underground rave was likely to end badly. Knowing that so many people that he cared about were in this one place, Finn felt the need to be on the scene. He pushed out from the close crowd and came within a few feet of Ryan. “I’m certainly not opposed to hiding out with you somewhere though. The lights are a bit much.” The blinding light show passed over the two of them for a moment, and then the area returned to a rare, soft darkness. “Got somewhere in mind?”

[keegan-anderson]

No, no, and hmm how about no.

Cane wasn’t a party goer much anymore but in his younger days that’s all he would ever do. But now he would normally drown himself in liquor alone at a bar until the bartender would cut him off. Cane had heard about the underground rave amongst a couple of fellow bar goers. He figured that he might as well go, since he knew there was probably going to be drugs being sold there. His supply was low and he wanted something stronger than marijuana. He had eventually found out the address where the place was going to be located and made his way to it. He was already about six or so beers deep when he began his journey into the unforgiving night, but he was holding himself together as if he were sober. At least for now.  

Cane eventually made his way into the rave and he was amazed with how well the place was put together in such a short notice of time it seemed. He was already having flashbacks of his high school and college days. It made him feel young again. It made him feel alive. Cane immediately made his way to the bar area. It was hard to push through the people. They seemed to be shoving him in all sorts of directions. It was starting to piss him off. He was so close to the bar but soon he felt someone collide into him which made him stagger back a bit. “Hey! Watch it. What are you fucking blind? Or delusional?” His short temper was starting to show, he had to breath in and out to remain calm so he wouldn’t get thrown out of the party already. He was here for a reason. He just wanted some drugs and a few drinks, then he was going call an Uber and leave. 

[finneganinqueens]

Raves weren’t really Finnegan’s scene. The close quarters and the warmth of bodies all dancing underground brought him to a heightened state of vigilance. However, he knew that his friends were down here enjoying themselves and that they needed someone with a clear head around.... or at least a moderately clear head. He wasn’t about to watch all of this mayhem while totally sober. He squeezed his way through a few tight groups of people before closing in on the bar. His arm collided with someone who was thankfully his own size and not one of the young ravers. Before the ‘sorry’ could fall from his lips, he was affronted by a barrage of anger. Finn blinked, stunned, just looking at the angry man. “Geez, sorry. It’s a rave, man. Get used to crowds.” He turned away from the man, trying to brush the rude comments off. Finn was used to getting in bar fights, but that wasn’t him anymore. He was trying to leave the violence and aggression behind him. It was a remnant of the person he was when he was with Casey. Still, those impulses weren’t buried deep and he had to grit his teeth and be intentional about ignoring the stranger.

[finneganinqueens]

keegan-anderson‌:

“I hope you’re right about that.” He probably was. Keegan didn’t get angry very often. Keegan had been thrown a curve ball that night Finn had relinquished the news onto him that he had cheated. He had never been put in that kind of situation before. Hell, he had never even had a boyfriend before really. He didn’t know how any of this stuff worked and he only got a short taste of it all before it got taken away. He hoped that it could be better than their previous try. It had to be better than that. If it wasn’t then there wouldn’t be so many damn happy couples walking around everywhere. Keegan’s heart ached at the thought that consumed his brain in regards to the happy couples. Could Finn and him ever be happy again? Could they work through their problems? Would Finn even want to get back together? Would Keegan? He desperately wanted to be Finn’s again and he wanted Finn to be his, but how would he build up that trust factor again? There were so many complications that he didn’t know how it could possibly work. He figured they could die trying though. “You picked a bad time to make up for it. I’m locking myself away in a few weeks. I have to send out a few emails to work and my patients. Gotta get someone to take care of my cat. Then I’m finding a rehab facility and I’ll be on my way. We won’t have as much freedom in there as we do from the outside.” He ran his fingers through his dark locks. He wanted to focus on something else. He didn’t want to focus on the fact that he wouldn’t be able to see Finn anytime he wanted. Or the fact that he would going through detox. It was already hard enough as it was. The lack of sleep, the lack of eating, and the lack of enjoyment in regards to anything. 

Keegan snapped out of his thoughts at Finn’s next admission. ‘I still have those feelings for you.’ The words played in his mind over and over again. He was trying to grasp onto them and process everything but he was finding it very difficult to comprehend what he was hearing. Keegan had spent such a long time thinking that Finn had just forgotten about him and what they had, that he didn’t think there was any possibility that he still felt the same way. “What are you gonna do about that then Finn? Are we just going to confess whatever feelings we have left for each other and hope that it resolves something? Actions speak louder than words.” Keegan still felt skeptical. He was still hesitant. He had one foot in the door in case he needed to bolt and leave. 

Keegan had finished putting the dishes away in the dish washer when Finn mentioned that they could talk more about this when he got back. “That’s fine.” He figured that they had exhausted the conversation. What else was there to say? Both of them still had feelings for one another, but was anything really going to be done about it? “Can’t wait. It almost sounds more appealing then the dinner we had. Can’t tell you the last time I even had ice cream.” He flashed him a genuine smile. “Yeah, go right ahead.” Keegan noticed that Finn had grabbed the key already and it reminded him of all the times Finn would come over when they were together and how he made himself feel at home in the spacious apartment. Did he still feel at home here? He couldn’t help but wonder. 

As Finn headed out of the apartment, Keegan felt like he could breath again. He huddled over the sink and tried to focus on his breathing so that it could come out more even. He wasn’t doing a great job at it. After moments of recollecting himself and his thoughts, he finally calmed down. His ears perked up when he heard the door open again. That was a quick trip. Keegan immediately re-positioned himself as he made his way into the living room area to greet the older male once more. “Great! And yeah, If you want I can go ahead and put the movie in. Can you get us a couple of spoons?” He suggested. 

“I can take care of Pearl.” Finn offered earnestly. “As long as she’s alright with other cats. Casey... picked up and left so suddenly that he left half of his belongings and... all three of his cats.” It was yet another thing that fueled his lingering anger at the older man. Finn loved those cats. He couldn’t imagine just abandoning them like that and it was technically the second time that Casey has done that. “He did this once before and left them with a friend of his. She might take two of them now for good. But I’m keeping the littlest one, Ginger. So Pearl will have to put up with her at least.” Finn paused and took a moment to read Keegan’s body language. He looked uncomfortable, but it was understandable. This would be a difficult chapter in his life, for sure. “If you need help... like with choosing a place or even if you just need a ride. Let me know. Anything I can do to make less difficult for you. I’m here.”

Keegan’s question felt pressing, but Finn had too much fear in his heart. He didn’t want to lose Keegan. At this point Keegan needed a friend and Finn was prepared to be that for him. Likewise, if Finn lost Keegan all over again because of something stupid like moving too fast, he would be crushed. “I don’t know.” Finn admitted softly, almost shamefully. “I don’t know how to resolve any of this. I...” He trailed off, brow furrowed as he took his eyes off of Keegan. “I’ll try and find the words.” He promised, clearly frustrated with himself as he prepared to leave. Actions speak louder than words. The phrase repeated in Finn’s head still as he rejoined Keegan in the apartment, ice cream in hand. He had to be really careful with his actions then. There were things that he knew that he shouldn’t say: not with words and certainly not with his actions. 

“Yeah, I’ll grab the spoons.” Finn nodded, taking a breath and heading to the kitchen drawer for a moment while Keegan set up the movie. He came into the living room and placed the pints of ice cream on the coffee table. “I hope I didn’t make things awkward earlier.” He said with a bit of a level confidence in his words. “I am trying very hard actually to not be who I was before. And to actually talk things through and not just let them... build up or break down. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind already though, so if its best, we can table this for later. Its up to you. If you need me to just be an uncomplicated friend for a while, I can do that.”

[finneganinqueens]

Do you think you have a lot of luck in love?

“If you asked me a month ago I would’ve said no and laughed at the question. But I think I’m going to set aside everything that happened with Casey and get back to putting myself out there. So... I certainly hope that I have some luck.”

[finneganinqueens]

If your co-worker were to describe you in one sentence, what do you think he/she would say?

“I would hope that they’d say I’m dependable. That’s all I’ve been trying to be for the six months or so. But if you asked them now they’d probably say something about me being distant and quiet. I haven’t been the most social person lately.”

[finneganinqueens]

Miss Casey yet?

“Not...really. I missed him at first. And then I was angry. And now I’m just kind of numb to the whole thing. I’ve accepted the fact that he left me, and I think that any remaining anger towards him for that has stopped me from missing him. Who would want that person back? After something like that?”

[finneganinqueens]

[finneganinqueens]

keegan-anderson‌:

Finn seemed like he was struggling with something that he wanted to say. Keegan couldn’t help but wonder what that something was. But he wouldn’t push the older male into confessing. That was the opposite of who he was. Keegan’s ears perked up when he heard Finn mention his own lingering feelings. He didn’t realize he had any. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with the information. “We’ll always be okay Finn…don’t…don’t ever doubt that. No matter the argument we have or how mad I get at you..we’ll always be fine.” Keegan took a deep breath and then let it out quietly. “The logical part of my brain says no and that I should move on. But I don’t really make logical decisions when it comes to you. It’s honestly probably a really bad idea and anyone else would probably call me insane for letting you stay. I don’t blame them. But I don’t care. I want you here. I don’t want you to go.” He finally looked up at Finn, he wanted to see the look on his face. “Also, lingering feelings? What’s that about? This is news to me.” It was the truth. Keegan figured that if Finn had any kind of lingering feelings then those feelings would be held safe for Casey. Keegan thought that he was the last thing on Finn’s mind. 

“If I still drank, I’d be making a drinking game out of how many times you say sorry. I’d be on the floor though for sure.” He joked as he nudged Finn a bit in the process. “Me too. We can always make up for that lost time.” He smiled softly. “If they have it, I’ll have Cookie Dough and if not then Cookies and Cream is a good second choice.” He hadn’t had ice cream in a while so it would be nice to finally eat some. Keegan fought the urge to say what he really wanted to say when Finn mentioned getting anything else that he needed.  What he really wanted to say was that he needed him. “Just…ice cream is fine. Thanks.” His voice was low as he made his way over to the sink to collect the dishes to put them inside the dishwasher. 

We’ll always be okay Finn… don’t ever doubt that. That sounded so reassuring. Finn was going to do everything possible in order to not hurt Keegan again, but he still had fears that this would fall apart. It was still so new to even be in the same room with Keegan in a friendly manner. He wanted to hold fast to this assurance that no matter what happened, things with Keegan would be okay. The younger man’s statement seemed to already contain the admission that there would be future tensions between the two of them. Finn wondered if Keegan was right. “I think we’ve met our quota for arguments and anger for a while.” Finn smiled with a soft, hollow chuckle. “I’m hoping to spend some time with you now and make up for all of that. I hope things will be better from now on.”

Finn’s fondness was becoming more transparent the longer that they spoke. I want you here. That was all that mattered now. He could leave the harsh realities around him behind and focus just on Keegan here and now. “Well… I guess I’ve never said it outright, but I hope you could still feel it when we saw each other at your office…and the other day in the park… I still have those feelings for you.” Finn took a breath and tried to find the right words. “What we had didn’t disappear last year. It couldn’t just shut off like that. So I’ve just lived with it. Part of the harm in what I did was rob us both from some closure.” He tried his best to not let another apology slip out. Keegan had heard enough of that from him.

“We can talk about this more when I get back if you want.” Finn added softly, studying Keegan for some hint of his own feelings. He didn’t want to ruin the evening with these heavy thoughts, but it also felt like it was overdue for them to talk about. “One cookie flavored ice cream coming right up.” Finn smiled, grabbing the apartment keys off the hook by habit. “Oh, uh, I’ll just let myself back in the building. If that’s okay.” Finn said nervously, holding the keys up for a second so that Keegan could see that he’d grabbed them before heading out. Sorry. He held his tongue. If he started apologizing for acting too familiar, he’d never stop. Finn quickly ducked out of the apartment and took a breath. His heart was beating too quickly. He had to cool off. Finn stood there for a moment, just breathing, before he finally headed down the couple flights of stairs, out of the apartment building and into the cold night air. The bodega was empty, and he was quickly able to pick up two pints of ice cream and a couple rental movies. “Hey, turns out they had cookie dough.” Finn smiled as he unlocked Keegan’s door and stepped back in the cozy apartment. “You ready for a movie night?”