Fi's Mental Health Journey @fis-adhd-journey - Tumblr Blog

Glandular Fever is so degrading. I mean in terms of living with both someone who has had it (my mum) and someone who hasn't (my dad).

I'm not allowed to help cook lest I give this to dad. Tho he's already gotten sick (just a sore throat and cough) from the people on the train and bus he took to come a get me a week ago today.

I didn't even want to get out of bed today just cause I knew it was a public holiday and mum would be home. And I'm worried about going back to work cause before I got this I was barely a shell of my former self and I have been for months. Idk what else to do with my life. And I'm so far away from home. Idk what to do.

fis-adhd-journey

So I got diagnosed with Glandular Fever a few days ago. One thing I now realise is that this has lowered my tolerance level with my sensory sensitivities. Loud continual noises (such as your kitchens exhaust fan) usually just irritates me. Now it exhausts me to no end.

I taped up a box to seal it ready for postage and the sound of the duck tape screeching as I quickly measured out how much I needed each time wiped me out. I sat down with my elbows on my knees looking at my phone and I didn't last a minute before my head was falling towards my phone and eyes were getting heavy.

Fuck this, does anyone know how to accept rest? My body seems very resistant to accepting that long term rest is the only way to fix this.

fis-adhd-journey

So a few hours after I posted this I had a full on meltdown as all the lights were too bright. Dad turned the tv volume really really loud (to be louder than the noise in the kitchen) and mum had the exhaust fan on while she was cooking dinner. Which is all well and good. But from where we sit in the lounge room, the kitchen light has always been too bright and very bothersome.

Then dinner just kept cooking and cooking. All of a sudden it was 8pm, I'd been suffering with everything being too much for almost 2 solid hours. I cracked it. I got up and walked away. I sat on the bottom step of the stairs that lead to the second floor with my head on my knees. Close enough to everything that I can still hear what's being said on the tv (and can still hear the exhaust fan in the kitchen 🙄) but dark enough that I could try and regulate myself. But it wasn't working.

Then dad came over to check I was ok once or twice. What really ticked me over was the second time he came to check on me, dinner must have basically been ready (finally), but he asked me a question. I instantly started crying. I gave him a thumbs up to acknowledge the question so he would go away. But I kept crying. Why was I feeling this way? Why couldn't I tolerate these sensory annoyances like I used to?

So I made it into the bathroom very quickly and very quietly. Neither mum or dad heard me disappear and I just cried. And cried. And cried. They ended up eating dinner without me while I stayed in there cause I didn't have to explain myself. Then I hoped they would leave the kitchen a mess and go sit down and watch tv again so I could emerge. Nope they started washing up so I had to face both of them. Anyway, I did. I spoke with both of them about it. They ended up turning off lots of the lights to help me out.

I've never had to ask for anyone to make accommodations for me before. Since I moved out of home I just made conscious choices (buying soft fairy lights rather than using harsh standard lights - I have influenced so many people with this it's not funny 😅) and not having to explain anything to new people.

So I got diagnosed with Glandular Fever a few days ago. One thing I now realise is that this has lowered my tolerance level with my sensory sensitivities. Loud continual noises (such as your kitchens exhaust fan) usually just irritates me. Now it exhausts me to no end.

I taped up a box to seal it ready for postage and the sound of the duck tape screeching as I quickly measured out how much I needed each time wiped me out. I sat down with my elbows on my knees looking at my phone and I didn't last a minute before my head was falling towards my phone and eyes were getting heavy.

Fuck this, does anyone know how to accept rest? My body seems very resistant to accepting that long term rest is the only way to fix this.

peachdoxie

There's a bunch of adhd advice out there that's like "people with adhd tend to work better under deadlines due to the anxiety so here are ways to artificially induce a stress response in order to get you to get work done" and it's like well what if I don't want to be stressed out all the time in order to function

catchymemes

brehaaorgana

From the book Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD:

Putting a coat on the back of a chair by the door is fine, but if you prefer, use coat hooks and a large catch-all basket for dropping keys, hats, gloves.

Small bookcase end-table next to the couch to store craft projects, books, and other things being worked on for easy access.

Add a storage unit near the dining room table to transition between eating and working there.

Daily toiletry items should be stored in a basket that you can move easily

Extra toiletries and medicine cabinet items go in open shelf/basket storage so they can be seen and used easily. If items no longer fit, purge the excess. Don't obscure the view!

If you disrobe in the bathroom, place a tall hamper in there.

Keep a set of cleaning supplies in each bathroom

resqectable

“Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family.”

— Unknown

axolotls4eva

Dude when my social battery runs out there’s like no warning. I don’t get the 20% warnings it’s just I’ll be enjoying my time and then all of a sudden if one more word is spoken I’m going to kill myself and everyone around me.

Yesterday before working I ordered a large Dirty Chai instead of a medium and man did that fuck me right up. First thing I noticed after about an hour of finishing the drink was that my hands were shaking. And I literally shook until well after I ate lunch. Like I even tried to not shake, and tried to control it but I couldn't. My mind was a mess too. I wasn't just shaking, my mind was buzzing as well which is pretty scary. Made me feel like I forgot to take my meds for a while there.

So, over 12mths ago I was working at the Bathurst 1000 for a staffing group who hire and send people where they need to go. I'd never worked the 1000 or any of the races before so I was quite nervous and didn't know where I was going or where anything was. I was escorted by my boss to one of the corporate rooms and introduced to the room's supervisor who told me the lay of the land for that particular room. All's going well, I begin to settle in until she asks me if I can make coffee's. Now, I can make coffee - dad has a coffee machine and has taught me how to make coffee to what he likes and a few other things that he's learnt over the years, but in terms of being an actual trained Barista I am not. When this was revealed to the supervisor of this particular room, the way she rounded on me, made me feel like everything was my fault. I felt terrible for not having a qualification that I'd never considered having nor told my boss I had in the first place. I was absolutely gutted and the rejection I felt cut really deep and until I was moved to another room by my boss, I was holding in tears from this supervisor. I remember messaging a close friend group in tears and talking to my parents later that afternoon (after I'd been moved to another corporate room with a different supervisor who was absolutely amazing) in tears because of the RSD I felt that morning. This unravelled all within 30-40mins, (first 25-30mins I was helping to set up that room, then all was revealed). I was absolutely fucking crushed and felt very unwanted. RSD sucks.

studentlifeproblems

Things my ADHD made me do.....today's edition........

I COULDN'T MAKE A FUCKING DECISION

All I was doing was whether/to do the jobs for work (I can opt out if they're not needed) and which order to complete them in. In one building I open all doors, THEN get the bins and wipe the tables, then vacuum/mop if necessary. Another building, I unlock doors and do the bins then wipe tables, then vacuum. The third building is usually a shit show so I have to do everything BUT I was paralyzed. I couldn't decide what the fuck to do.

At the court house there are cameras, I fell over 3 times in the span of 2 hours and it's ALL caught on camera FML.

Before I got to my other job this afternoon I was walking by my chemist and I had a script, I don't need it to be filled yet but after I walked past the chemist I thought, no I should hand that in so I don't lose it. Then after not even 5 steps back up the small slope towards the chemist I decided that I would not lose it and to just go grab my coffee and head to work.

Can I just make ONE fucking decision without second guessing myself for FUCKS sake.

I think I was about 13/14 and I came home from an incredibly exhausting weekend possibly with my nan and pop, I don't really remember. It was during the school holidays, the Christmas one and I got home only to turn around and go straight with my aunt and cousin to their house for a few days. No time to process things, no time to unpack and repack, no time for anything other than to jump out of one car and into the next.

I exhibited a lot of outward anger and frustration and neither my mum or my aunt could figure out what was wrong. I remember my aunt reminding me that going with her wasn't a bad thing and I wasn't going to be harmed or in any danger. My mum I don't really remember anything she said, but I remember it took me a while to release the frustration and anger before I was then calm enough (tho I think I was still crying a little) and able to go with my aunt and cousin for the few days.

That was the most prolific example of misplaced anger. Cause I wouldn't have been angry about going with my aunt and cousin, my cousin and I get on like a house on fire, I would have been angry at having to hide my ADHD behaviours for a long amount of time. At that age I would have been learning what everyone in my family seemed acceptable behaviours (and absolutely nothing I would have been doing around my nan would have been acceptable at all).

So I remember this quite vividly. One time as a kid, I must have been between 8 to 10 years old, my god parents were travelling to see us. I was super excited, I probably hadn't seen them in a while, and I got so physically hyperactive that I was sliding across the floor on my socks super super fast.

I remember I slid down the hallway into the open plan living area and I couldn't stop quick enough so I crash landed into a chair.

I think I got in trouble for it. But I was so excited to see my family and I needed to let the energy out.

golden-guide

Things my undiagnosed ADHD has made me do, todays edition:

I couldn't remember the name of a venue I've eaten at once with my parents, but I could remember every other detail of the buildings, businesses, road and landmarks that surround it. And when told the name of one of the places that I was describing that is near the venue I couldn't remember, the lady my mum and I were talking to gave me a strange look cause she knows that I know the name of that place. But in the moment I remembered nothing except the general landmarks.

I forgot the town name of Stockton and instead called it Scotland. (At least I got the first letter right :/ )..........fuck was it the town I forgot or the venue name Scratchleys I forgot................I'm pretty sure I forgot Stockton............it was definately Stockton.

For dinner, I ordered what I thought was this (braised beef, mash and veg):

But the menu read 'twice cooked pork with rice and beans' which for some reason I thought was the above.

Instead what was brought out to us, was this:

I was mad. I looked at it and said to myself, that's not what I ordered. I then looked over to my dad's plate (as we had ordered the same meal) and it was the direct above as well. I snagged a look at the menu again and it clicked that pork looks like this and the other thing that I actually wanted to eat was called braised beef.

The pork was amazing so I am glad I didn't raise a stink about it - which I was planning on doing.