I told myself all the time that I'm not that depressed. Until I start to feel overwhelmed, and do stupid things, and get very stressed out, and start to feel lonely. My PTSD kicks in and I think of all the things that I've ever done wrong and relive them one after another in my head. And never fully understood why someone would take their life because they're depressed. But thinking about that today, just how I don't have the ambition to do anything, and how I hurt people with my stupid selfish actions, and can't always succeed at being a good person, I came to the realization that I may not want to take my life but I just sometimes feel like giving up again and quitting school again and just quitting my job, and being homeless or at least doing the bare minimum to get by in hopes of not being so stressed out, even just checking myself into a mental institution. But I know that would never work, I would fail it bad even and end up being a burden on my family and friends and that is why I think people give up entirely and take their lives. I'm thankful that I am aware of this and I can see this in myself and know that it's not going to last. I hope I'm always that lucky.
