I just found your page and I love it so much. I was hoping you could help me with something. I've known my boyfriend for nearly 5 years and we've been dating for about a year. My boyfriend is self conscious about his size. To me it is perfect but he considers himself small. I always reassure him but it's sometimes not enough. I don't want him to always dwell over something that doesn't really matter but he feels like he isn't pleasing me. Is there anything I can do to help? Thank you so much.
That’s a really good question. So, there’s a few things here!
This issue comes from comparing ourselves to others. There’s thousands of things we could compare with other people. We might want to be taller, more muscular, smarter, have a PhD, etc. etc. But if you have a PhD, there will always be a guy with two PhDs. So then you could compare yourself to that guy. The guy with a ten inch cock could always be insecure that he doesn’t have a twelve in cock.
I think this can come from a general feeling of not being good enough. I don’t think any amount of re-assurance will help this but, it does take the edge off. If he says he doesn’t feel big enough and you don’t re-assure him, he’ll just take that as confirmation of his delusion in his head. So do keep re-assuring. I know it’s tiring to keep saying positive things, and for him to keep replying, ‘I don’t believe you’. But keep it up.
Because it’s probably not feeling good enough generally, I would encourage him to do things that make him feel better about himself as a person in general. That could be anything. It could be exercising, becoming good at a skill, getting new clothes, improving his self discipline, or whatever else you can think of. General confidence in yourself as a person makes a big difference to putting the irrational worries in our lives in to perspective.
Second thing, I truly believe that doing things for others makes a big difference. It’s hard to worry about your cock size when you’ve spent the day helping at an old people’s home or visiting people in hospital - or whatever. It puts things in to perspective and changes your mindset from, ‘oh isn’t my life so bad because my cock isn’t as big as some other guy’s’, to ‘wow, I have a blessed life’.Finally, (related to the above) find a way to help him explore the things he is grateful for in his life. Thinking about all of the things that you do have, puts things in perspective. I mean, he might feel he has a small cock, but at least he has a functional cock, right? At least he has two arms. The dude with no arms could feel really inadequate about not being able to finger his girlfriend, right? But your boyfriend can! Help him spend more time thinking about what he HAS not what he hasn’t.
1. He will rebuff all of your encouragement about his cock size but deep down it probably helps. Do it, if it’s not too tiring for you to constantly keep encouraging and having it thrown back in your face as ‘lies’.
2. Help him build his confidence and feeling of being ‘good enough’ generally. The cock thing is probably just one expression of many things he believes are not good enough about himself.
3. Get him to do things for others, to put things in perspective. Thinking about those far less fortunate than ourselves really does make it hard to worry about your cock size. Plus you’re doing positive social action which helps society AND makes you feel better about yourself generally too (see point 2).
4. See if you can get him talking or writing about the things that he’s grateful for in his life. It helps you realise how much you have rather than thinking about what you don’t have. I write five things I’m grateful for in my life before I sleep every single day.
Sorry, that’s all a bit philosophical for a porn blog but I hope those perspectives help a bit :)
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