THE BALLAD OF ME AND MY BRAIN

fitz vauxhall. gryffindor. 7th year. "people say that i'm heartless. i've just learned to use my heart less."

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

lennoxfraser:

Fitz’s words surprised Lennox, and for a moment he let the cigarette burn down between his fingers. “I’m not trying to be noble - it’s called loyalty. When I put my loyalty somewhere, I don’t sway,” he said, frowning, taking a drag of his smoke. “I wouldn’t’ve thought my life meant that much to you. They say no man’s an island but you might just be the exception, Fitz,” he said, exhaling with a smile. “But if it means that much to you, I won’t be a hero when the time comes. Believe it or not, I don’t actually want to die.” It wasn’t the first time that Lennox had thought that Fitz would make a good leader - he was the perfect balance of heart and heartlessnes; logic and passion. He was a leader that Lennox would’ve happily followed; would’ve put his heart and mind and body on the line for, to do whatever was asked of him. Lennox felt that loyalty tug in his gut as Fitz spoke; could feel the lure of the words, the kind that made him want to ask where he signed his name. “Maybe,” he said thoughtfully. “But the people sitting comfortable in offices and luxury while others fight aren’t taking risks, are they? That’s the people on the ground, the cannon fodder, so to speak. They get more of a say, don’t you think? If they’re putting their lives on the line, surely they’re more important than a man humming and hawing over strategy and sponsorships.” Lennox felt his anger rise - because he knew where he and Fitz would be, and it wouldn’t be the same place; Fitz would sit pretty, and Lennox would fight. When Fitz spoke of ruthlessness, Lennox nodded slowly. “So what do we do? Forget our humanity in order to defeat the real monsters, and perhaps in the process, become monsters ourselves? Or… I don’t know,” he said, taking another drag of his smoke. “You’re the thinker between the two of us.”

Fitz was quiet for a long moment, choosing his words carefully before he spoke. “It does mean that much to me,” he said finally, voice quiet. “I know how to be alone, and I can do it just fine, but given a choice between that and having you–” He cut himself short, eyes flicking down. He knew Lennox would understand the sentiment, and that’s what mattered. Not the fact that he couldn’t say, out loud, that he needed Lennox for fear of losing him. Not the fact that he was a coward. Lennox would understand. “Put your loyalty wherever you want to,” he said, clearing his throat and meeting Lennox’s eyes once more. “But be smart about it. That’s all I ask.” He lit a fresh cigarette, the rush of nicotine making him lightheaded in a pleasant, distracting sort of way. “It’s certainly not fair,” Fitz conceded. “But it’s the way the world works, isn’t it? We need people to fight, and we need people to lead. There has to be some sort of organization to the chaos. Otherwise, we’ll lose. Someone has to be watching out for the bigger picture, playing the whole field, rather than simply fighting the battle right in front of them. You certainly can’t begrudge people like Minister Tegus or Vice Minister Arundel for doing their jobs, can you? Even if they’re not fighting the way you want them to be fighting, they are doing important work. We simply have to rely on them, I suppose. Support them, listen to them, and speak up when they’re not doing enough or when they’re losing their way. That’s how we avoid becoming savages. We allow our government to do the jobs we’ve asked them to do, and we do what we can to help and support them.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

am-flying-solo:

“Oh, did I strike a nerve there?” Solomon offered the bottle back, reaching for his own pocket to find his pack of cigarettes. The Marlboro hung loosely between his lips for a moment, as he watched Fitz closely, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Relax. I’m secure in my luck and you’re secure in your money, my friend,” Solo offered, purposefully emphasizing that word. “And the world keeps spinning on, yeah?” He lit up the cigarette with the tip of his wand, staring at Fitz through smoke, as if he could see right through him - or could he?

“If you truly were secure in your luck, you wouldn’t be getting in fist fights in front of the Minister,” Fitz shot back coolly, the words leaving his lips before he could think better of it. Antagonizing Solo was never a good idea, especially because he was willing to fight dirty where Fitz wasn’t. But Solo had gotten close, and Fitz had let him. He had gotten lazy and complacent, letting people into his life without a second thought, lowering his guard without even realizing. It was time to change that. “Granted that speaks more to character than luck, but either way – boasting about your good fortune seems to be a bit of a stretch,” he said critically, a vindictive edge to his voice.

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

summerharlowe:

Inhaling deeply, as if to settle herself, Summer nodded. “Yep, those are my beloved dormmates. I swear, if they were demanding payment for sex, our dorm might as well be a brothel.” She rolled her eyes, and shuddered. “What about your dorm though, it isn’t any better than mine, is it?”

“Who’s to say they aren’t?” Fitz scowled darkly. “I wouldn’t put it past Flora, honestly. That girl is a fucking mess. How she and Lennox are related is beyond me.” He grimaced at the mention of his dormmates, nose wrinkling at the thought. “Arcus is a fucking child, and Griffin isn’t much better. It’s one of the many pitfalls of being in a house full of cocksure, loud-mouthed idiots.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

izzyarundel:

“No, not really. I guess I’m just trying to take after my mom and become more politically correct in these talks. Or at least try.

“I could or I could take a sip and see what it takes like. I wouldn’t be a true Ravenclaw if I didn’t try it at least once right?”

“Certainly, it’s important to save face and maintain some semblance of civility, but you have to remember we’re talking about creatures. Not humans. I don’t particularly care whether or not they feel respected or well treated. And I would venture a guess that neither does your mother.”

Fitz handed over the bottle, albeit after a beat of hesitation. “Don’t tell your sister. I won’t hear the end of it if she thinks I’m being a bad influence.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

charliecraw:

“Not really, no. It’s actually about as simple as it can get.”

“I understand, given your...background, that the distinction between fact and fiction in the magical world might be hard for you, so let me clarify: there is nothing human about them. You’d do well to remember that.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

lennoxfraser:

The smell of smoke was familiar, and Lennox placed his half-empty glass down to reach for the proffered pack. He lit one after Fitz, adding to the smoke in the air as he listened to his friend. He smiled at Fitz’s bleak outlook. “Do you think we’re on the winning side?” he asked, taking a drag and exhaling, contemplatively. “I mean… I don’t doubt what we’re doing or what I believe, and I’d die for that cause, even if I knew we’d lose, but… Do you think it’ll come to that? Do we have a chance?” Fitz was the smartest, most rational person that Lennox knew; Fitz wouldn’t lie, and his estimations had to be closer to the truth than anyone else’s. But he knew Fitz had a point about vigilante justice - it didn’t help their cause, just like it didn’t help the werewolf cause when their own hassled or killed innocent children. “But if it were structured?” Lennox said, eyebrows raised as he took a sip of his drink, cigarette between his fingers over the rim. “If the violence was sanctioned and governed, would you do it? Would you fight? Because we all have larger aspirations, Fitz,” Lennox said with a frown. “War means putting those aside and doing your part. Sitting in an office somewhere helps no one, not when they break the law as easily as breathing. We can’t fight fire with fire, but… I think we need to change tack, don’t you?”

“I think,” he said slowly, measuring his words, “it’s easy for people’s sentimentality to get in the way.” If he were a different person, what happened to his mother might have sent him careening down the same path as Penny Hawkins and Jack Longdale. Everyone had the capacity for sympathy, even people who claimed it was a long forgotten relic of their consciousness. And that’s what would lose them this war. “Don’t die for a losing cause, Lennox,” Fitz said after a long pause. “If you see the ship going down, jump. Don’t stay on out of some elevated sense of nobility. Your life is more valuable than that.” He admired Lennox’s strength of conviction, but he also knew that if Lennox was gone, he would be more alone than he’d been in years, and ultimately, Fitz was too selfish to let that happen. He cleared his throat, taking a long drag on his cigarette, as Lennox spoke of activeness over passivity, of valor over legislation. It was very impassioned of him, but then again, Lennox was the sort of person they needed to be in the heat of battle -- he was smart, capable, and driven, but he was also disposable. If he was a Thornbrook, however, it would be an entirely different story. “You and I will have to agree to disagree on this,” Fitz sighed. “Everyone participates in a war in different ways. The people outside the field of battle are just as important as those on it. I commend your spirit, Lennox, but wars don’t just happen anymore. Someone needs to sanction it. And that someone sits in an office somewhere. Granted,” he added with a grimace, “you are right about their ruthlessness. How do you fight a savage without becoming a savage yourself? Our capacity for reason, sense, and logic sets us apart from them, but it’s what’s keeping us from winning this war.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

theprxdigalson:

Darcy stiffened. Whilst Fitz spiralled into cold laughter, Darcy found himself at the mercy of whatever was in his cup, another long sip, jaw inexorably tight. He’d be foolish to let the swirl of emotions coerce his composure into buckling, this wasn’t anyone. Discussing loveless marriages with a Vauxhall, with all his spiteful sentiment towards the matter, would only give the other boy a one-up, and Darcy was already one down. ❝Be careful what you wish for,❞ he muttered into the goblet. Fingers danced across the intricate glass before he set it aside, canted his head and regarded Fitz with a thin smile, the kind that didn’t touch his eyes. Was it really a comfort to realise that Fitz would end up in the same position as him? ❝It’s 2025 you’d think that is one tradition they would’ve got rid of.❞ There was no real reason for it, but Darcy chortled, a desperate attempt to keep face. ❝Frankly, there’s not many families left and I’m not sure how you feel about inbreeding but I’d rather not.❞

“Trust me. Every time a female cousin gets a little too friendly at one of my grandmother’s dinner parties, I get out of there as fast as I can,” Fitz said with a shudder, expression twisting into something sour. “It’s a shame really. The rest of the wizarding world has moved forwards by bounds and leaps, and we’re still stuck in the twentieth century. Granted, I’m not entirely sure they’ve moved in a direction that’s any better, but still. There’s something to be said for progress.” He took a gulp of his drink and glanced over at Darcy, curious. “Have your parents found you a match, then? Or have you managed to stave them off?” Fitz wasn’t one for idle gossip, but his grandmother often measured her own decisions about these sort of things based on the rumors she heard from the rest of the pureblood matriarchs. If the Oldridges had arranged a match for Darcy before Yvette Vauxhall could find one for her grandson, Fitz was certain he would be receiving a long-winded, passive aggressive letter full of guilt trips and emotional manipulation within the next few weeks.

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

the-yunhaneul:

“It’s a lot easier to be cruel than kind.” Han wasn’t sure Fitz would get it though, that was the problem who took the easy road but believed it to be the harder one, they didn’t like to see it from the other side. He also thought Fitz was completely misunderstanding his opinion, trying but failing to hide a small smile when he pointed out, “I never said I disagreed with Tegus making Greyfield.” Han actually thought a school with specified learning could be very useful, muggles had schools that taught various things and various people too so why couldn’t the magical community? Though he did think it was stupid to have set the ages he had, if it was meant to be a school it should follow the same age guidelines as any other school, he could see why forcing adults back into education could cause friction. “I disagree with people having prejudices against people they don’t really know anything about.”

“Well, I disagree with innocent people getting slaughtered for no goddamn reason because a half-breed can’t control itself,” Fitz snapped, annoyed at the oversimplification of this whole situation. “This isn’t some massive civil rights violation. For Merlin’s sake, the beasts aren’t even human. They’d kill you in half a second if the thought occurred to them. So why the hell are you being so precious about protecting their lives and their rights?”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

summerharlowe:

Summer pulled her shoulders up in a shrug. “I’m really not much of a drinker at all, I don’t want to be yet another one of the idiots running around this castle, either high or drunk. But I can celebrate good news.” Sometimes she missed the fact that she had never been able to be a regular teenager, there was too much to lose if she started acting out. “I’m glad I’m not the only one, I swear, my dormmates are drunk 99% of the time.”

“You live with...Royce and the lesser Fraser, right?” Fitz asked, straining to remember who exactly was in Summer’s dorm. “I don’t envy you, if that’s the case. Royce is a meddlesome little cow, and Flora--” He gagged a little at the very thought of her. “Horrid. It’s as though they were raised in a goddamn barn.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

charliecraw:

“No celebration quite like one celebrating the violation of basic human rights.”

“Human is a bit strong of a word, isn’t it?”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

izzyarundel:

“Mutts is such a harsh word. Why not half-breeds and magical creatures? And I’ll take a drink only if it’s not too strong.” 

“I don’t particularly care if I offend them, but if I’ve offended you, Iz, my apologies.”

“Then, perhaps you should sit this one out. It’s my father’s liquor, and strong is the only way he knows how to take it.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

summerharlowe:

“Eh, better to celebrate while there is actually something to celebrate. Tomorrow, there might be bad news, and we will have wasted a day of possible happiness and bliss.” Summer didn’t often get to celebrate, but now she was feeling glad, relieved. Werewolves were terrifying, it was better that they were locked away, where they couldn’t hurt anyone. She lifted her glass and took a sip. “Here’s to the safety of our people.”

After raising his glass in Summer’s direction, Fitz took a long gulp of his drink, nose wrinkling at the taste. “I didn’t take you for much of a drinker,” he commented mildly. “Granted, neither am I. There are too many people stumbling around this goddamn school. I see no reason to join their ranks.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

theprxdigalson:

❝Change is inevitable.❞ Darcy poured himself a drink, his nose wrinkled at the stench of the liquor but he still took a sip of it. Surprisingly delicate for a boy who had a vicelike grip on the cup. There was a part of him that wondered just how many creatures lingered in the hallways of the castle. How many parents had foolishly put the castle in danger for the sake of a child that was no longer human. Too many. His jaw tightened, ❝Tegus is optimistic. The school is more than they deserve. Enough of that and them, even the thought of it all is repulsive.❞ He brought the cup to his lips again, tipped it back just enough that a sliver of the wretched liquor could drip against the back of his throat. ❝Despite the news you look like someone has pissed in your goblet.❞

Fitz was ready to argue in defense of the Minister, but he dropped it when Darcy changed the subject. There was no need to fight with someone who already agreed with him on the issue that really mattered. Ministers would come and go, but the wolves would never leave -- not unless they did something about it. “It’s a victory, certainly,” Fitz sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose in hopes of staving off the headache that was beginning to form behind his eyes. “But we need something more.” He cleared his throat, forcing a cordial smile onto his lips. “You’re right -- enough of this. I feel like my father, drinking scotch and talking myself in circles about politics. All I need now is a loveless marriage and a son who never heeds my advice.” He laughed, although the noise was devoid of any warmth. It was the fate that awaited them both, whether they wanted to acknowledge it or not.

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

the-yunhaneul:

“Everyone is capable of being nice, it just depends on how strong a person you are.” Haneul was very sold on the idea that it took a lot more strength and energy to be nice… He also believed his ability to talk calmly to people like Fitz was proof of that. “They’re people, like anyone else, you should be pleased they’re being given the opportunity to learn without judging them on a small part of their being.”

“Kindness is a luxury of the simple and the meek,” Fitz snapped. “Strength comes from doing what is necessary, even if it makes you no friends. Take Minister Tegus for example,” he added, giving the Hufflepuff a pointed glower. “He’s protecting all of us from the threat these wolves pose on our very existence, and then people like you have the fucking audacity to protest on the grounds that they’re people too. They’re not people. They’re fucking animals.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

lennoxfraser:

“I’m not trigger happy,” Lennox said with an eye roll. “And it wouldn’t be senseless - you know that I’m in favour of logic and reason, just as you are. It’d be methodical, if anything.” But Lennox also knew that there was no trying to bargain with Fitz if his stance was set - he wouldn’t budge, and instead held firm to his beliefs. It was one of the reasons why he and Lennox got along so well, even if they didn’t agree on everything. Lennox admired Fitz’s resoluteness on any given topic, and looked across at the other boy contemplatively. “When you put it in terms of fighting for our lives, it makes the whole thing seem very… primal,” Lennox said, nodding his thanks to Fitz as his glass was topped up. “But you’re right about coexisting. They might’ve been around for as long as mankind has, but it hasn’t been a peaceful or happy coexistence. And their numbers only grow,” Lennox added, taking a sip, feeling the alcohol already beginning to lighten his head. “The articles coming out about their attacks are… horrible,” he said, less full of anger now, shaking his head. “Doesn’t it make you want to do something? To help?”

“Well, that’s what it is, isn’t it?” Fitz asked, lighting a cigarette for himself before offering the pack to Lennox. “It’s survival of the fittest. Homo sapiens versus the neanderthals. We both believe we have the most compelling argument for our own continued existence, and we’re willing to fight to the death to prove it.” Exhaling a thick cloud of dark smoke, he looked at Lennox, grinning humorlessly. “All I can say is I hope we’re on the winning side. If not-- say goodbye to civilization as we know it.” At the mention of the Prophet articles, Fitz took a long gulp of his drink, cursing the high tolerance for liquor that had seemed to pass from his father to him. He’d stopped reading them months ago, as all they did was bring back memories of his mother that he’d rather forget. “Of course I want to do something,” Fitz sighed. “But I also have larger aspirations than some vigilante justice on the side. Acting without structure, without law, without some sort of official guideline makes us just as bad as they are.”

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

am-flying-solo:

“I keep waiting for the day you realize I thrive in antagonizing people,” Solo smirked, drinking directly from the bottle Fitz offered him. It was strong and it warmed him up fast. Good stuff - he wouldn’t expect less of a Vauxhall. “Now now, don’t play hard to get. I know tolerable is almost dirty talk in Fitz-language.” Solo teased, undisturbed. “So you should know I also find you very tolerable.” His voice dropped an octave, purposefully flirty. “Are we having a moment right now? I feel like we’re having a moment.” he lifted the bottle in a toast, solemnly, which was mostly an excuse to take another long swig. “To Moments. I shall cherish ours ‘till the inevitable end, probably by a well-deserved natural cataclysm or violent revolution. Personally hoping for the latter, myself.” He joked, amused.

“We’re not having a moment,” Fitz said, his voice sharp with sudden annoyance. Many people in the castle were content to overlook and underestimate Solomon Renfield, but not Fitz. Underneath the Ravenclaw’s reckless, uncivilized exterior was someone far more clever and observant than most gave him credit for, and Fitz had no desire to be bested by someone as low born as the boy in front of him. What’s more, he had too many secrets, and Solo was the type of person who could sniff out weakness. “If I find you tolerable, it means just that. Don’t push your fucking luck, Solomon.” Fitz’s words were tinged with a warning he knew the other boy would understand. He and Solo were friendly, but they were not friends, and Renfield would do well to remember it.

[fitzwilliamvauxhall-blog]

am-flying-solo:

“C’mon, this ain’t new. We’ve discussed this shit for hours before. All that talk of justice, revenge, morality. Am I the only one that remembers our talks? I’m wounded, Fitz. Wounded,” Solo put a hand over his chest, dramatically. “Natural charms it is, then?”

“I keep waiting for the day you realize I’m right,” Fitz smirked, enjoying the easy combativeness that was a hallmark of his and Solo’s relationship. “Why fight the inevitable?” But nevertheless, Fitz pushed the bottle in the Ravenclaw’s direction. “Don’t let it get to your head,” he added bluntly. “I’m only sharing because it’s more entertaining to drink with others than it is to drink alone – or so I’ve heard. And you’re at least tolerable in comparison to the rest of the idiots in this castle.”