Not thinking? I could have told you that, Elliot thought, snidely. It was an asinine and petty thought, totally unwarranted. Nevertheless, it made him feel the tiniest bit better. Elliotâs head began nodding, automatically, as Charlie began to issue orders and ressurance. Charlie did know his full speed, because Charlie paid attention. More attention than Elliot would have liked, actually. With Darcy it had always been, figure it out, Elliot. I donât care how. Get it done. If Elliot screwed up, he screwed up. It was a pass/fail thing. With Charlie it was different. It was like he said:Â âYou know Iâm here watching you.â Charlie didnât just want Elliot to perform. He wanted Elliot to perform better. Charlie took the time to study his playersâ times, speeds, tics, strengths, and weaknesses. If Elliot screwed up, he wanted to know why. Even Elliot didnât care to know why. Elliot tended to stay far away from people who asked him important questions, who said things like, âyou need to trust yourselfâ and âyou canât fool me.â But he couldnât ignore his Captain, and it chafed to be in that position.
âSing?â Elliot exclaimed, and groaned, tipping sideways into a barrel roll the way he might slide bodily off a couch to express the amount of I give up he felt. Mentally, however, he was already flipping studiously through a rodolex of bands and song titles. Something slow? Something fast? A classic? What would Charlie recognize? âCharlieââ But Charlie continued, talking over him, and his tone brooked no room for argument. Elliot huffed once more, for good measure. âGot it,â he said, too quickly, just thankful that Charlie was done analyzing him.Â
Trust himself? The gentle admonishment grated on him as Elliot tilted back and began to climb in altitude again. Trust himself? He trusted himself plenty. Who else could Elliot trust anymore? What did Charlie know? He didnât know â he didnât â
All too quickly, Elliot reached a height appropriate for diving straight towards the fucking ground. His mouth still tasted faintly of oranges from breakfast, bitter and sweet. He could taste it better when he inhaled through his mouth. Out through the nose, in through the mouth. Elliot stopped just level with the turrets of the faculty boxes, leaning forward on his broomstick with his head down and his eyes closed, and breathed in the chill air that smelled like spring. Trust himself. He was aware that Charlie was watching him, probably wondering what was taking so long. It was just that Elliotâs thoughts were â he was like a record, skipping, always tripping over thoughts heâd learned to ignore. It was Astoria, last semester, who had made Elliot realize that was why heâd had â still had, some days â difficulty with nonverbal spells. He didnât like to sink into his thoughts long enough to be able to produce a spell from them alone. What little trust he placed in his own judgement had always been frail. Ugh. Seriously, fuck Charlie.
Elliot rose up from where heâd leaned far over his broomstick, flashing the ready signal at Charlie and adjusting his goggles. Charlie didnât give him the go-ahead in response, and Elliot threw up his arms until he realized, oh. Right. Singing. Elliot gripped the broomstick more firmly and squared his shoulders, kicking forward into a slow glide. âYouâve transfigurated my heart,â Elliot began, through gritted teeth, shooting Charlie an is-this-what-you-want-you-sick-bastard look that was probably lost somewhere in the many meters between them. As his Starsweeper built up speed, Elliot was forced to raise his voice over the wind. His embarrassment became background noice in the face of focusing on controlling his flight. Making a mistake at these speeds was dangerous. âAnd now it only beats for you.â Elliotâs chest loosened as he whipped around the pitch for the second time, pushing 60, 80, 130 kph, and Charlie, and the whole world, became a blur below. âIf I could Apparate into your arms, maybe I wouldnât feel so blue. Feels like you slipped me a potion. Youâre all I think about, my only notion â and I wish youâd be my witch tonightââ
The scepticism on Elliotâs face only caused Charlie to raise a challenging eyebrow, knowing that his methods, however ridiculous, could actually get results. He needed Elliot focused on his feelings, not on his thoughts: he didnât want him to try, he wanted him to just do it. That was the key to Quidditch -- that was why they practised. They worked hard in training so it could be easy on the pitch. He spoke over Elliotâs attempts to interrupt him, his only reaction a slight smile at his response to the idea of singing, resisting an actual laugh. He wondered sometimes how ridiculous he could make his drills before his team twigged that it was a joke -- but for this particular exercise, Charlie was certain it would work. He watched as Elliot got ready to kick off, glancing around the stadium to ensure the sky was still clear -- no birds to hit, no sign of rain. Elliot would be thrilled to know that they had all evening to keep training.
âRemember -- wait until you see red sparks, and then dive as soon as you do. Donât think, just do it.â
His eyes followed Elliot as he rose into the air once more, fingers rapping on his broom handle where he gripped it lightly. After a few more attempts, they could stop for a break -- there were only so many times he could watch Elliot hurtle towards the ground before even he needed a drink and a snack, but for now, he wanted to get him into a rhythm. Donât think, just feel. Charlie felt cheesy for even daring to say it -- but if it was what Elliot needed to hear, then heâd repeat it like a broken record. His head rotated slightly as he watched Elliot race around the pitch, nodding slightly to himself as Elliot signalled that heâd reached full speed. Charlie was satisfied with that -- he wasnât satisfied with the lack of karaoke.
It was difficult not to laugh as Elliot remembered to sing, the tune just reaching him, sounding shaky and windswept. He approved of Elliotâs choice, bopping along jokingly as he continued to watch the other boy fly around the pitch. But for all his amusement, for all the gentle coaxing and coaching he was giving Elliot, Charlie knew that this was bigger than just Quidditch: this was about Elliot, and if Charlie could genuinely help him with... whatever, then heâd leave the pitch satisfied. And if it gave them a bolder, better seeker, and a better chance of winning the cup this year? Then that was just a bonus.
He let Elliot continue for about half a minute, watching him carefully as he flew. Hopefully, Elliot would be reacting by instinct -- and so it would be up to him to make sure Elliotâs dive was safe, the ground beneath him wide and clear. Calculating Elliotâs speed, he accounted for a countdown of his own, and for Elliotâs reaction time: and in a sharp motion, Charlie raised his wand. Red sparks flew over the pitch: Charlieâs eyes fixed on Elliot.