Five's Tiny Man Shorts

[If you want me to source something and you know where it’s from please feel free to tell me!] This is a joint Umbrella Academy account between Austin and Jack (kinda jacks never on he says he’s on hiatus for 2 years). #Austin or #Jack will be on every post so u can tell us apart. Submissions Welcome!

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Klaus: Dave

Dave: Yeah?

Klaus: Do you like me?

Dave:

Dave:

Dave: WE’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 4 YEARS KLAUS

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Dave: You look like my first husband.

Klaus: You’ve been married before?

Dave: No :))

Klaus: *shook*

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Diego: Dig one moat around your house and everyone’s all “you’re being unreasonable” and “where did you get the alligators”

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Diego: If you sleep with more than two pillows you’re a psychopath.

Klaus in a heap of at least 7 pillows: A comfortable psychopath.

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Cop: I'm pulling you over for trying to fit three people on a motorcycle, license a-

Diego: Wait, what? Three??

Cop: Yes, you, the kid, an-

Klaus: VANYA FUCKING FELL OFF

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Kid Five: Who are you?

Adult Five: I’m you but smarter...fucking dumbass. 

[wowlfie]

ASK ME STUFF

1: Full name

2: Age

3: 3 Fears

4: 3 things I love

5: 4 turns on

6: 4 turns off

7: My best friend

8: Sexual orientation

9: My best first date

10: How tall am I

11: What do I miss

12: What time were I born

13: Favourite color

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote

16: Favourite place

17: Favourite food

18: Do I use sarcasm

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person

21: Shoe size

22: Eye color

23: Hair color

24: Favourite style of clothing

25: Ever done a prank call?

27: Meaning behind my URL

28: Favourite movie

29: Favourite song

30: Favourite band

31: How I feel right now

32: Someone I love

33: My current relationship status

34: My relationship with my parents

35: Favourite holiday

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

42: When did I last hold hands?

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

45: Where am I right now?

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

49: Am I excited for anything?

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

55: What is something I disliked about today?

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

57: What do I think about most?

58: What’s my strangest talent?

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

61: What was the last lie I told?

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

64: Do I believe in magic?

65: Do I believe in luck?

66: What’s the weather like right now?

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

69: Do I have any nicknames?

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

71: Do I spend money or save it?

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

74: Favourite animal?

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

78: How can you win my heart?

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

80: What is my favorite word?

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

86: What is my current desktop picture?

87: Had sex?

88: Bought condoms?

89: Gotten pregnant?

90: Failed a class?

91: Kissed a boy?

92: Kissed a girl?

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

94: Had job?

95: Left the house without my wallet?

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

97: Had sex in public?

98: Played on a sports team?

99: Smoked weed?

100: Did drugs?

101: Smoked cigarettes?

102: Drank alcohol?

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

104: Been overweight?

105: Been underweight?

106: Been to a wedding?

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

109: Been outside my home country?

110: Gotten my heart broken?

111: Been to a professional sports game?

112: Broken a bone?

113: Cut myself?

114: Been to prom?

115: Been in airplane?

116: Fly by helicopter?

117: What concerts have I been to?

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

119: Learned another language?

120: Wore make up?

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

122: Had oral sex?

123: Dyed my hair?

124: Voted in a presidential election?

125: Rode in an ambulance?

126: Had a surgery?

127: Met someone famous?

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

129: Peed outside?

130: Been fishing?

131: Helped with charity?

132: Been rejected by a crush?

133: Broken a mirror?

134: What do I want for birthday?

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

136: Was I named after anyone?

137: Do I like my handwriting?

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

139: Favourite Tv Show?

140: Where do I want to live when older?

141: Play any musical instrument?

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

143: Favourite pizza toping?

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

145: Am I afraid of heights?

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

148: What I’m really bad at

149: What my greatest achievments are

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

152: What do I like about myself

153: My closest Tumblr friend

154: Something I fantasise about

155: Any question you’d like?

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Ask me and Jack stuff!

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Dave: I would like to propose-

Klaus: :0

Dave: -an idea.

Klaus: :(

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Klaus: I’m totally straight

Diego: No, you’re not.

Klaus: Yeah I am Diego.

Diego: You’re about as straight as Vanya.

Klaus: See! There you go I’m straight.

Diego: Klaus..Vanyas not straight.

Klaus: Shes not?

Diego: *slowly shakes his head*

Klaus*suddenly wrapped in pride flagg* Guys I have something to tell you.

[stayfrostyklaus]

Klaus: I can’t believe Diego! “Klaus, your hummus obsession has gone too far”. The JERK!

Ben: Uhm … are you … sure he doesn’t have a point?

Klaus, shaking and on his third hummus jar that day: Why would you say such a thing?

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Hiatus!

Ima be on hiatus because

a) I’m on vacation for the weekend

b) I am going to avoid the internet until I see Endgame on Tuesday

Sors Guys I’ll be back on Wednesday!

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Klaus: You’re being so annoying!

Ben: So are you!

Klaus: Yeah But I’m always annoying what’s your excuse!!?

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Five: So Luther sneezed earlier, and I accidentally said “shut the fuck up” instead of “bless you”

Vanya: How do you accidentally say “shut the fuck up”?

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Ben: It’s your life Klaus! Live it how you want!

Klaus: I am! That’s why I’m currently drunk, sitting in my room writing erotica!

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Vanya: So hows living with Klaus?

Diego: I tried to give him water instead of vodka and he said it was against his religion.

Vanya *solomnly*: Hes always been the spiritual type.

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Hey Guys Gals and Nonbinary Pals!

With my blog getting a little more attention these days I wanted to lay out some dni rules.

If you are any of the following, do not follow this blog or like/reblog any of our posts.

-Homophobic

-Transphobic

-Don’t support non-binary people

-Don’t support asexual/aromantic people

-Support Pedophiles/other weird pseudo pedophiles who don’t say their pedos but totally r

-a terf/swerf or support terfs/swerfs

-are just generally an asshole

Okay have a good day everyone! (Except the above)

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Seriousl Props To @ace-nyctophyle for liking so many of our post! I appreciate it my dear human! ((Ps I want to say ur valid af don’t let anyone say nasty things about you!))