Mike Driver
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@flamedrite
Friends, I’m in a bind. We are running this new TV ad, but it’s so expensive to buy airtime. Will you help by sharing this video, so it spreads on social media? This put our last ad in front of over 1 million people. Remember, we open on November 8—a dream come true! My deepest thanks – Uncle George
My Love Affair with a Fat Man
The year was 1995. A stellar year for some, but for me not my finest. I had recently been discharged from the U.S. Navy under less than desirable circumstances, and was in what can only be described as funk. Married for a year at that point to a woman who I spent a total of three days with since the wedding, I found myself trying to spend as much time away as possible. I filled the void with pointless jobs and copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. I don’t have a ton of memories of those hazy days, but someone asked me to write something today that brought one particular memory back from the abyss that my life was in 1995.
A friend of mine posed the question, why does Kevin Smith have such a loyal fanbase? Now, it would be a bit presumptuous to think that I could speak for millions of fans, but I can and will describe what makes me a fan of Kevin Smith. It all started in that year of 1995. That is when I saw what would become one of my favorite all time movies, Clerks. I don’t know who that well worn VHS tape belonged to, but it was passed on to me by a friend whose only words were “this movie is fucking bad ass”. Who in his right mind could possibly ignore such a stunning review? The tape was in a beat up cardboard sleeve and had made its rounds throughout our small community, probably stolen from the local rental establishment. It was black and white. That was the first thing I noticed and that fact nearly made me shut off the VCR right then and there. Luckily I didn’t.
It was almost like watching a day in the life of my friends and I. It was real. The things that the characters said sounded like the things that my friends and I would talk about. For christ’s sake the two main characters talked about Star Wars. Who was this person who had written such things for his characters to say? I had no idea. The internet was still not on my radar at this point. I had a guy make a copy of that tape for me, and proceeded to watch that movie over and over. That is of course until I bought Mallrats.
When Mallrats came into my possession is when the love affair with the man that is Kevin Smith really began. This fucker had done it again. He tapped into the minds of my circle of friends. The things that T.S. and Brodie argued over were the same deep philosophical issues that we were tackling. Could Lois Lane indeed handle Kryptonian cock, and if so what would be the fallout of such a union? Unfortunately Superman Returns ruined that idea, but I digress.
At this point I was hooked and never looked back, but I had no idea how far this would go.
Now twenty years later that love for all that is askew is still strong, but the question was why and that was something I had not really thought about. After all these years of movies, books, Q and A’s, podcasts and the fact that I’ve never met the man, Kevin Smith is like a friend.
It’s hard to be a fan of his and not feel that way. I’ve never come across another pseudo celebrity, in forty years of consumption of media, that interacts with fans on such an honest and personal level. Kevin has a way, whether it’s through his movies or his books, or any other of the cornucopia of mediums to interact with him, to make you feel like you’re the only one in the room, like he is speaking directly to you. I think that’s what draws so many into his orbit. Somehow it doesn’t seem fake, and whether it’s a win or a loss it’s always honest and that is the most important part for me. His willingness to be open and to share with the people who supported him is the one biggest thing that keeps me coming back day after day. If everyone in the world would sit and watch a Kevin Smith flick while partaking of some fine herb, the world would be a much better place. Thank you sir.
Fuck 2015
Well I officially can't wait for 2016 to get here because 2015 is already turning out to be a motherfucker. What are we two weeks in? If this is any indication on how the remainder of this fucker is gonna be I fucking give up.
1st official day of Movember!
Happy Birthday, Bill Murray! What’s your favorite quote from a Murray role? We want to hear it. Post it below.
Happy fuckin birthday
5/29
Had a good holiday weekend with the wife and kids. Now back to my shitty job. Gotta evict a tweeker today. Should be fun.
5/24
Well it's Friday. Looks like an overcast end to a pretty dark and shitty week. Didn't get dick accomplished at work this week besides reaffirming the fact that I hate my job. Hopefully next week will be better. Nothing really feels better than sitting outside watching my dogs chase squirrels around the yard. That kinda shit makes me happy. Well at least the week is over. Gotta go.
Heat up those chimichangas.
Deadpool’s very own video game will be here on June 25! Pre-order it on Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 now!
Can't fucking wait for this game.
5/22
Well I finally took steps yesterday towards getting my head right. Hopefully all goes well tomorrow afternoon. Got a shitty night's sleep on the couch last night. Fell asleep watching some shitty movie, so I'm paying for that with a stiff back this morning. Well I guess I'm off to my horribly boring job. At least it's Wednesday and I can get some new comics today. Looking forward to this weekend. Not going to do shit and that is what I love at this point. Maybe I can get a little writing done.
Questions
I found this list of questions floating around on here and thought it looked fun so here goes.
1. Do you sleep with the closet doors open or closed?
A. Closed of course. Can't have any late night closet monster visits. As long as a closet monster can't figure out how to open sliding doors.
2. Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?
A. The answer to that question is both yes and no. I do however use up all the lotion during my stay and I have been known to leave with towels.
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
A. Definitely out. I feel like tucked in sheets put too much unnecessary stress on the tendons in my ankles.
4.Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
A. Yes. Funny thing about that is most of them were stop signs and I never really thought about how many accidents I must have caused until now. Thanks stupid questionnaire. Way to make me feel guilty.
5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
A. Yes, but never for their intended purpose. If you need to wallpaper a room they're awesome though.
6. Do you cut out coupons but never use them?
A. Trick question. I do not "cut" out coupons, I rip them out with good intentions but then never use them because of their uneven look.
7. Would you rather be attacked by a Grizzly bear or a swarm of bees?
A. Neither? I guess if I had to pick I'd go for the bear. Easier to see and you only gotta deal with the one. Swarm of bears? Fuck off.
8. Do you have freckles?
A. Doesn't everyone. I mean I'm not talking Ginger type freckles, but doesn't everybody have a few.
9. Do you always smile for pictures?
A. I seldom smile for any reason.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
A. My life. Yeah that and Christians.
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
A. Usually only on stairs. Only going up. And only to bitch about the number of stairs I just had to fucking climb.
12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
A. Uh yes. Actually I prefer to urinate outside. Doesn't everyone.
13. What about pooped in the woods?
A. Again yes, but this time out of necessity and not so much preference.
14. Do you ever dance even if there is no music playing?
A. Yes. Actually I only dance when there is no music playing.
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
A. I use to chew pencils a lot as a kid. Not so much anymore. Every now and then I will however fuck up a pen cap.
16. How many people have you slept with this week?
A. If we are talking purely sleep then one, unless you count my dogs. If we're talking sexually then 0.
17. What size is your bed?
A. fucking huge.
18. What is your song of the week?
A. I've been listening to this band called Grady for about the last month almost nonstop. Couldn't tell ya a song title if you held a knife to my throat.
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
A. Only in October.
20. Do you still watch cartoons?
A. YES! what of it?
21. What's your least favorite movie?
A. Anything my wife picks. Probably based on a Nicholas Sparks book. Yuck!
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had any?
A. In Bill Gates' backyard. I mean it's not like he needs it.
23. What is your pant's size?
A. Really? 34 x 34 if you must know.
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
A. my personal favorite is sweet and sour, with BBQ a close second.
25. What is your favorite food?
A. I love chili
26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
A. This could take awhile. The original Star Wars trilogy. Episode V being my favorite of those. Batman the Dark Knight Returns pt 1 and 2. Animated and by far the best Batman movie ever. Jaws, one of the greatest films ever made. I could go on and on. We better save the rest for another time.
27. Last person you kissed \ kissed you?
A. What is this high school? My wife.
28. Were you ever a boy scout?
A. Nope. As a matter of fact I don't remember any of my childhood friends ever being boy scouts. We spent all our time out in the woods anyway.
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
A. Can't say I know anyone who would want to see that spread, but fuck yeah I would.
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
A. Pre-internet probably. Late eighties early nineties.
31. Can you change the oil on a car?
A. Yes. Do I enjoy it? No.
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
A. Easy one.
33. Ever ran out of gas?
A. Oh yeah. Better question would have been what's the farthest you've had to push a vehicle that is out of gas.
34. Favorite kind of sandwich?
A. Does bacon count? Of course it does. Bacon Sandwich.
35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
A. Pork roll and cheese on an everything bagel.
36. What is your usual bedtime?
A. 10:30 or 11:00 on weekdays. All bets are off on the weekend although the older I get the earlier my bedtime gets.
37. Are you lazy?
A. Depends on the situation but for the most part yes.
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress as for Halloween?
A. Gene Simmons
39. What is your Chinese Astrological sign?
A. Had to look that one up. Animal : Ox Element : water
40. Are you horny?
A. Now or in general. I guess the correct answer is more often than not.
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
A. No. I do not.
42. Which are better Lego or Lincoln Logs?
A. I'm gonna have to go with Lego until someone makes a Millennium Falcon out of Lincoln Logs.
43. Are you stubborn?
A. Going to have to go with yes.
44. Who is better Leno or Letterman?
A. I'm definitely more of a Letterman guy.
45. Ever watch Soap Operas?
A. I didn't even know they still existed, but yes when I was a kid I watched them with my Mom
46. Are you afraid of heights?
A. No not unless I'm falling from them.
47. Do you sing in the car?
A. Yes
48. Do you sing in the shower?
A. From time to time
49. Do you dance in the car?
A. Only if there is no music on. Talk radio I'm a dancing machine.
50. Ever used a gun?
A. I wish this question was a little more specific but yes.
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
A. Wedding photos
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
A. Not all of them. Grease was cool.
53. Is Christmas stressful?
A. Extremely. #hatetheholidays
54. Ever eat a pierogi?
A. I think so. I also think I remember not liking them.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
A. Dutch Apple.
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
A. vigilante crimefighter. Still wanna do that one day.
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
A. YES!
58. Take a vitamin daily?
A. Nope. Not even bi-annually
59. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
A. yes I experience glitches in the Matrix quite often.
60. Wear slippers?
A. Yes. Actually they're fuzzy Saints Crocs
61. Wear a bath robe?
A. Yes. Usually only in winter, but I have three to choose from.
62. What do you wear to bed?
A. A suit.
63. First concert?
A. I think it was Marty Robbins. My grandmother took me when I was like 5.
64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-mart?
A. gonna go with Target. I hate Wal-Mart and K-marts are kinda hard to find these days.
65. Nike or Adidas?
A. I prefer Adidas.
66. Cheetos or Fritos?
A. See #25. It should be obvious.
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
A. Situational.
68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
A. Uh no. that's a very good answer.
69. Ever take dance lessons?
A. No and never will until there is a Dance without music class.
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
A. I really don't see another spouse in my future, but independently wealthy would be nice.
71. Can you curl your tongue?
A. I don't think so. My tongue doesn't get much exercise these days.
72. Ever won a spelling bee?
A. Yes, yes I have.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
A. I have cried and do still cry from laughing too hard.
74. Own any record albums?
A. Yes. Unfortunately I don't own anything to play them on.
75. Own a record player?
A. should have known this would be the next question. I may not be able to listen to my records but they will come in handy during the next zombie apocalypse.
76. Regularly burn incense?
A. Yes. Nag Champa and Super Hit are my favorites.
77. Ever been in love?
A. Yup and I still am.
78. Who would you like to see in concert?
A. The Rat Pack.
79. What was the last concert you saw?
A. Last actual concert not at a nightclub was The Sword, Down and Metallica.
80. Hot tea or cold tea?
A. Hot tea when it's cold and cold tea when it's hot
81. Tea or Coffee?
A. Coffee is better.
82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?
A. Don't really know what a Snickerdoodle is but it sounds fun.
83. Can you swim well?
A. Like a fish. Don't float worth a shit though.
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
A. Yes
85. Are you patient?
A. Would you hurry up and ask the fucking question alrea... oh. Yeah pretty patient.
86. DJ or band at a wedding?
A. Have to say DJ, just not the DJ from my wedding. Guess that's what we get for hiring a DJ from a strip club.
87. Ever won a contest?
A. See question # 72
88. Ever have plastic surgery?
A. Nope
89. Which are better black or green olives?
A. Again situational.
90. Can you knit or crochet?
A. Crocheted a hanging plant holder at summer camp once.
91. Best room for a fireplace?
A. Bathroom
92. Do you want to get married?
A. Not Again.
93. If married, how long?
A. Eight years on November 5th
94. Who was your high school crush?
A. There were so many. I'll go with Most girls
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your way?
A. Not usually. I do hear that as a child I was a pro at it however.
96. Do you have kids?
A. Yes one. didn't do a great job with that.
97. Do you want kids?
A. Not anymore
98. What's your favorite color?
A. Black
99. Do you miss anyone right now?
A. Yes.
MARVEL PANEL OF THE DAY
From: Carnage (2010) #1
DON’T SPILL!
(Source: marvel.com)
moral: A superheroes breakfast never gets finished.
Epiphany
So, I've been having this Tumblr thing for awhile now and haven't really done anything with it. Until now. I don't know exactly what I'm expecting from all this if anything. What I do know is that this seems like as good a place as any to talk to myself. I guess I'm hoping that posting what I'm thinking or feeling here will somehow be therapeutic. So, as I become more and more internalized, I've decided that I needed a place to vent. Lucky for all of you, that place is here. And by all of you I mean the one person that will read any of this shit, ME.
Oh where to begin? I guess the best place to start is why. I'm a 40 year old boy. Best way I can begin to describe myself. I guess I've never really grown up. I know for sure that over the course of 40 years I don't think I've ever really taken anything in my life seriously.
I like to think that for probably the first fifteen years I was on the right track, but events in the early summer of 1989 changed that path dramatically. In June of 1989 my family lost it's lightning rod. The one person that kept our tiny clan grounded was suddenly and in a hurry taken from us. This one event, I believe, changed my life forever. It probably changed everyone in my family's lives forever. The event that I am speaking of was the death of my father, Tommy James Primeaux.
My "Pop" was very important to me. He was my idol. He was everything that I wanted to be. My Dad was my hero. Now I know that at some point in almost everyone's life they feel this way about one parent or another. And I also know that everyone has had to at some point deal with the loss of their hero. Problem is, it's been 24 years since the passing of my father, and I don't think that I've ever really dealt with the grief or the guilt that stems from that event, and to be completely honest I think that it has affected my life negatively for all these years.
It's really hard for me to say that. I've always been of the mindset that you control your own life. That it is always possible to make your life as good or as bad as you want it to be. No one can make your life what you want it to be but you. It always felt like a cop out to place the blame for what I've have or have not become on a person or an event. Unfortunately I don't really believe that to be the case anymore. I have come to the conclusion that everyone needs a helping hand in life. Some sort of support system if you will.
It's taken me 24 years to come to the conclusion that something is wrong in my head and that I need help to fix it. So I have come to the decision to seek that help, but also thought that getting some of the crap that swims around in my mind out couldn't hurt.
I guess everyone needs someone to talk to about what's going on in his\her life. So being that I'm not so social anymore talking to myself here was my best option. So over the course of the next few months I will be spilling it here. If anyone comes across this post and isn't completely disgusted by my whiny ramblings, hopefully something on here helps. As for me, I'm not completely certain that any of this will be helpful but fuck it, it's worth a shot.
