WARNING. VENT.
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I hate being the way I am. I hate being unable to move as much as I used to, I miss dancing. I miss being able to garden without limitations, I hate being like this. I hate being bedbound. I hate being in constant agonizing pain all the time, I wouldn’t want anybody I knew to ever deal with this kind of stuff. Because it hurts. It hurts too much.
I can just ride my night out through this, I still have yet to have access to the things I need. I want someone to hold me, yet touch burns. It stings. I want to feel clean again. Nothing was done, yet. I said it wouldn’t work. I just wanted out of the house, it’s not a game, it’s not funny, I wanna be normal. I wanna be fixed I don’t want to be broken for the rest of my life. I want someone to hold me. I don’t want to be alone. I just want someone to be here, I don’t care who it is, I’m just tired of being by myself, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t do as many great things as I used to. I miss dancing. I miss being normal. Am I not fun anymore? Are they going to become tired of me? I’m scared. I’m tired of feeling aches so strong I feel it shaking my bones underneath my skin. I hate every second of it, it makes me feel nauseous but nothing will come up. It just hurts. Hurts, a lot. Too much, even. I wish I could be free of this.
…do I burden my friends by making them deal with me when I’m like this.?.. I can’t do anything. I can never get any of this right. I want to do something right. Why can’t I do anything right?? Will she even think it’s worth it trying to dance with me anymore.? Am I worth struggling for.? Am I just— a drowning mess.?










