Not doing okay. People care but they canāt help in the ways i need, which often feels like me forever turning down this i donāt need and explaining that Iām grateful regardless.
Iām not okay. Iām trying.
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@flowlingual
Not doing okay. People care but they canāt help in the ways i need, which often feels like me forever turning down this i donāt need and explaining that Iām grateful regardless.
Iām not okay. Iām trying.
This world is too hard and I want to lay softly in your arms.
But itās a lie. Youād rather have anyone else. š¤®
I am too visible, perceivable⦠blegh.
Ingeborg Bachmann, from "Eyes to Wonder" in Three Paths to the Lake
I used to be much better at this on my old Nokia brick. FUCK i miss that phone.
I keep telling people I donāt want to unalive myself and I donāt, but could I please get some real help, PLEASE?! Stop asking me if I want to die and actually help me please! Fucking fuck fuck.
I always tell people to ask for help and they should and I should keep asking for help.
But i want to give up because I am and as Iām not getting any. Itās so frustrating. People tell you to reach out but then you do and theyāre like oh I have no idea what to do.
Well fuck me neither.
I just read something that your best is what you can accomplish without hurting yourself physically, mentally, or emotionally⦠and in that case I will be in the bed for the rest of forever. Because I canāt function anymore. I donāt know how under these circumstances without hurting myself and the sad thing is, is that no one cares even though theyāre all standing around saying they do.
Saying you care is nice and all but in reality it does Jack shit nothing.
Iām so exhausted.
Isn't it fucking insane that so many people think that IQs are real. Like people genuinely believe you are born with one set level of intelligence that can be measured on a scale from 1 to ~200. As if intelligence wasn't extremely nuanced and completely subjective. And the fact that the majority of scientists that have advocated for IQ tests in the past have been eugenicists doesn't seem to concern anyone either
November. rain glittering in wind-swept hair. caramel. stacks of unread books. leather and vanilla. oat milk chai latte. battered notebooks, handwritten notes. matching umbrella and scarf. chess tutorials on youtube. baby pink and warm brown. the endless search for a good winter coat. fresh baguette with chestnut spread. Ultraviolence on repeat.
Maybe if I pretend like Iām someone else⦠it will come true.
I am not doing okay in a loop of being blamed for someoneās problems and being told about their violent fantasies about me. This person days it is scaring them too and is trying to work on it. However, i donāt have the best support system here. I donāt even know who i can reach out to and there is fear they will report him, which might men either him going to the hospital where he says the loss of income will mean losing his home or that if they didnāt make him go he would be so angry at me for trying to get him help because it might result in that that he might get angrier.
Iāve been going through this for years and Iām so tired and i want real friends. People who just know me will enough that I donāt have to ask them for help, they offer it and know some of how i think so they have some idea of what to offer even. How did I end up with no people? My pele atĆ© pele who want me dead because Iām disabled.
Been crying all day because the person you love thinking all of their problems are your fault and threatening you is super traumatic.
Somebody told me they want to kill me today.
And i canāt report it because if they lose income from being in the hospital they might lose their home, which would obviously not be ok, but also would make them even more angry at me. Soā¦.
Iām really not okay. I wish I had anyone who genuinely gave a duck in my life.
It's a number that goes on and on... and on... and on...
ā”ļø Watch the new episode now only on Dropout
Lou, Ross, and Jiavani sing some Christian rock and rant about dinner choices.Ā Content Warning: Comedic Bit Referencing Pet Death - [8:20-
Literally just saving to show my math professor and a friend who is a programmer because they will love it.
Looks like Cernunnos
āI wanna fuck you in a field full of daisies until we both run dry! I wanna love you to death!ā