For upcoming International Tumbleweed Day, I would like to recommend The Flame Alchemist, the Traitor Lieutenant, and the Great Prank War of 1913, which is just as stupid as the episode it’s inspired by, and I fully intend that as a compliment. (rated T, 12k words one-shot)
Featuring:
blind dates
prank wars
ill-advised use of Fuery’s phone tapping skills
underground mini-camel fighting rings (no animals were harmed in the making of this fic)
incredible stupidity on the part of Team Mustang, except Riza, and especially including Roy and Maes
a small (*ahem*) and angry cameo by the Elric brothers, although this mission has a minimum height clearance
Hey. Come with me, let me show you something really powerful in the hymn O Come O Come Emmanuel. I think you will appreciate it even if you don’t agree with the sentiments the hymn expresses. I mean, if you’re interested in poetry.
So this thing is old. Like really old. Like, based on a liturgy attested to in the 700s old. It sounds medieval, doesn’t it? Can’t you hear it echoing off the stone cathedral walls?
Anyway, it was originally in Latin, paraphrasing that liturgy, which was also in Latin. That original contained 7 titles for Christ:
Sapientia
Adonai
Radix Jesse
Clavis David
Oriens
Rex gentium
Emmanuel
Which is a fucking REVERSE ACROSTIC for “ero cras,” which is Latin for “I’ll be [there] tomorrow.”
If it were a normal acrostic, that would be cool enough; the whole point of the song is begging God for this event to happen, to keep his promise, to show up and end this pain at last. The acrostic is like God’s whispered acknowledgment.
But for that response to be reversed? What a gut punch. It puts the statement in doubt. It is a cosmic shrug. It’s God saying “I won’t be there tomorrow. Maybe I never will. Maybe you are foolish to hope.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a reverse acrostic before. Certainly never seen one so utterly devastating.
Spending my evening decorating my Christmas tree, but instead of having a Hallmark movie on in the background like a normal human, I’m watching Davey Wreden stream a kaizo Mario World where you play as Sonic and the soundtrack has been replaced by an endless midi loop of All-Star
Seriously considering writing my own text editing app For the sole purpose of having an “export to AO3 formatting” option
Out of curiosity, would this be useful for anyone else? I waste SO MUCH TIME manually removing extra empty paragraphs, italicizing words, just generally fighting with the parser... this way *I* could set the rules and type like I freakin want to
(it could easily be extended to “export to Tumblr formatting” too...)
Fandom: Star Trek: Lower Decks
Ships: friendship
Word Count: 440
Rating: PG
Mariner fell to her knees in the dirt.
"Go on," she gasped. "Leave... me..."
Boimler, three strides ahead, turned around. Even in the darkness, the exasperation on his face was clear.
"Get up, Mariner. It's just another mile."
In response, she flopped onto her belly. "No... I'm done for... I'll never... make it..."
Tendi stepped over her to pluck a leaf from a bush, rubbing it between her fingers and smiling at the scent it released. "I think it's nice to be in real nature for a change. We don't have high deserts like this on Orion. It's beautiful, in its own way."
Boimler nodded at her. "Thank you, Tendi."
"It's literally called The Badlands," Mariner groaned. "We could have gone to Althivuk City, but nooo, you just HAD to go on a predawn death march to see the [beep]ing suns rise over a [beep]ing broken pile of rocks..."
Boimler crossed his arms. "It's one of the seven wonders of the sector. You shouldn't have come if you didn't want to see it."
"What, and let you three wander around an alien wilderness without my protection? Yeah right."
"Hey," Rutherford interjected, "It's only 18 minutes till dawn. We better hurry."
"Et tu, Ruth-e?" But Mariner pushed herself to her feet and dusted herself off.
"Well, yeah," Rutherford said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I actually haven't seen a real sunrise since I got my implant. And I've never seen a double-dawn before!"
"I have, once," Tendi said. "But it was on a moon. It's just not the same without atmosphere!"
Despite Mariner’s complaints, they made quick work of the final mile. As the sky turned from black to gray, the trail ahead of them suddenly opened up to a precipice. Spreading out below them, far as the horizon, was a sea of jagged stone peaks.
Boimler pulled a blanket from his bag and spread it over the least lumpy patch of ground. Tendi produced a thermos of Orion-style coffee and passed it around. As they settled in, a small red sun crested the horizon, spilling its light into the canyon. Bands on the peaks fluoresced in response, as if they were lit from within.
"Oooh," the group breathed in unison.
A moment later, a larger, bluer sun emerged from the north to join it. For a few dazzling, disorienting minutes, everything cast shadows in chromatic aberrations, like a hologram with a misaligned emitter. The rocks glowed in all colors now, shifting with the rising of the suns.
And so they sat together in awed silence until the sky was fully light.
Aaaaaand then Mariner pulled a speaker from her backpack. "Computer!" She grinned. "Play Mariner Dance Party 4."
Starbase 44 is a boring place: nothing but chain stores, solidly in the middle of Federation space, not even much of a view. Boimler could think of a thousand places he'd rather spend a day of shore leave, but hey, they're making the most of it. Rutherford found a retro "game center" gathering dust on a low level, and now they're trying to speedrun getting a prize out of every machine.
Boimler steps away from a claw game, pink arthopod plushie proudly in hand, and rejoins the others.
Mariner is bent, glaring, over a different type of claw game: rather than the normal tantalizing mountain of goodies, it's full of opaque fist-sized spheres. They glow softly... and seem to resist all attempts at grabbing.
"How long has she been at it?" Boimler asks, sidling over to Rutherford.
"Fifteen minutes," he groans. "Which doesn't sound like a lot, but in arcade years? That's an eternity!"
Boimler nods and raises his voice. "Come on Mariner, give it up. It's obviously rigged. Let it go."
"No!" She snarls, not looking away from the machine. "I've almost got it! See-- there!--"
The sphere wobbles in the claw's fragile grasp.
"DON'T YOU DARE."
The sphere rolls to one side, plopping back into the pile. The machine helpfully informs her that's "GAME OVER :)"
"Ugh, stupid machine!" She winds up to kick it, but then pauses with her foot in midair.
"Wait. Rutherford!"
Rutherford's eyes go wide at the summons. Boimler doesn’t blame him--she’s in the zone. The Vengeance Zone.
"Y-yes?" Rutherford squeaks.
"Can you tell if this thing's rigged?"
"Oh! Uh, maybe?" he flicks his gaze upward briefly, then walks around the game, looking it up and down. "Huh. It's not rigged exactly, but it's basically humanly impossible," he concludes. "Sorry. You're not gonna win. Guess that’s it for our speedrun."
"Hmm.” Yeah, now it’s personal. Boimler just hopes she can come up with a solution that doesn’t involve phasers. No matter how boring a starbase might be, he doesn’t want to be banned from it.
“Can you?" Mariner asks Rutherford. "Beat the game? With your enhancements?"
He frowns. "Isn't that cheating?"
Mariner waves dismissively. "Pff. They cheated first."
Rutherford shrugs, convinced, and drops a token into the game. “Okeedokee!”
Boimler and Tendi exchange a glance.
"Does it ever worry you," he stage-whispers, "how easily Rutherford can be convinced to do evil?"
Tendi responds, "Yep, all the time."
A sphere clatters into the prize chute. Rutherford plucks it out and holds it aloft with a "Haha!" and then gives the machine the finger. "That's what I think of your unwinnable scenario. You’re not so bad." He pitches the sphere to Mariner.
"What's inside that thing anyway?" Boimler asks. The game gives no hints as to what prizes it might contain.
"Let's find out," Mariner says, cracking it like an egg against the side of a token dispenser. "If it's so hard to get, it must be good..."
She pries the crack wider and peers inside, puzzled. Then--
"Oh my god." She cackles in delight, tugging out a strand of black lace. It unfurls to arm’s length, revealing itself to be...
Oh.
It's lingerie. Of... course.
"What the heck, why is a crane game filled with underwear?" Tendi sounds as bewildered as Boimler feels.
"Better question: how did it know my size?" Mariner's stepping into it, pulling it on over her clothes.
Well. There's a thing Boimler's never going to be able to unsee.
Mariner tugs the last bits into place and does a little turnaround. Rutherford and Tendi whistle and clap.
"You are NOT walking around the station like that." Boimler can feel the heat in his cheeks. He can't look at her. Look at something else. Look at anything else. Hey, there’s the ceiling! Oof, it’s seen better days.
"Why not? You’re all wearing your prizes. I won a prize, now I get to show it off!"
Tendi interjects, "Technically, Rutherford won the prize--"
"FOR HER! FOR HER!"
Boimler feels Mariner approach. She stands right behind him, entirely too close. He refuses to turn his head.
"I guess you'll just have to win me something better," she says.
"If I do, will you-- take that off?"
"Why Bradward! So forward of you. Buy me dinner first!"
Boimler drags a hand down his face. "I'm going back to the ship." Still not looking at her, he turns and starts walking to the exit.
Mariner's voice calls after him. "Boimler, wait! Come on, I was just having fun."
He stops, but doesn't turn around. "Are you done?"
"Yeah, I'm done."
He sighs and turns around, and--
"Sike!"
Definitely still wearing it. Really though, what was he expecting?
🎵 If you're wondering how he eats & breathes
And other science facts (la! la! la!)
Then repeat to yourself its just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000....... 🎵
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Words: 853
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Sam Rutherford
Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, Introspection, implant stuff
Summary:
Set shortly before S1E1: Rutherford adjusts to having an implant.
origamiaround
baratheonpilled
titsay
blakekathryn
kianamaiart
romaincrisis
janainaart
