Today's Document
Cosimo Galluzzi
cherry valley forever
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
YOU ARE THE REASON
tumblr dot com
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
izzy's playlists!
almost home
AnasAbdin
taylor price
No title available
ellievsbear
styofa doing anything
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Product Placement
Mike Driver
Show & Tell
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Discoholic 🪩
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@foolandsquish
bae: goodnight sweet prince....you'll die on the morrow
me: babe the line is "may angels guide thee to thy rest" or something
bae: did i ever claim to know anything about shakespeare
me: *snorts*
bae: i used to think the line was "goodnight sweet prince, parting is such sweet sorrow"
me: ...no, babe, that one's from romeo and juliet!
bae: ...i thought...they were both from romeo and juliet??
me: NO babe, the first part is from hamlet!!!
bae: ...you married me, no take backs
Me: i finally started!
Her: oh noooooo
Me: also my brain is saying "let's do some yoga, and by yoga i mean watch tv in corpse pose"
Her: is that matt damon
Me: i don't think it is no
Her: well he looks familiar.
Me: you know who he looks like? a poor man's ryan gosling. no, wait, not ryan gosling, ryan reynolds
Me: *looks up cast list*
Me: oh waiT that iS ryan reynolds
Her: *snort* good job friend
Me: you're a poor man's you, sir, a poor man's you
i got news for you, my dude, if you're that into that slice of bacon it's entirely possible you're ace. i don't think it's possible for you to enjoy sex after having this kind of experience
the bae, watching a video of a toddler eating bacon for the first time and losing his crap about it
the bae: *playing a new game* you know how i'm having to think of this?
me: how
the bae: s is South and w is Wup
so the bae showed me the picture of "when u tol and u hanging with ur smol friend in the 5ft side of the pool"
Me: you are a mean mean person
Her: *laughing*
Me: you wanna go SWIMMING? i'll fighT you in the 5ft side of the pool
Her: i'd just have to push down like this *pushes my forehead away*
*silence*
*sounds of ceramic thing being hit lightly*
her: *whispered* dangit
me: ...were you sneAKING uP on me???
her: nO
me: were you attempting sneAKING sMOOCHES???
her: *giggling* nO i was noT
*suddenly there's attack hugs and cheek kisses*
babE come look at this sweET setUP
she, having figured out how to hook the portable washing machine into the washing machine hookups after installing our real dryer
there's no prada in the polygon
the bae, trying to say there’s no protocol for women in the pentagon
tfw you and the bae have the same taste in pizza
Cat shaming
Me: no beta readers we publish like men
Her: babe...you are the beta reader
Me: ...I am?
Her: yES. That's your joB
Me: oh yeAH
Her: why'd they call it vantablack anyway? that's not a cool name.
Me: idk
Her: they shoulda called it something cool. like Abyss
Me, looking it up: it's a--
Her: Existential Crisis at 2 AM
Her: he poos so much. i know he's a little guy, but...he's so full of crap
Me: well he's definitely our son
what up b i'm here, i'm queer, and i'm here to take your stuff
the bae, playing fallout
Her: it has no nose, no tail, no ears, only one eye--
Me: it's his favorite!
Her: it's a nubbin!
Her: he aint runnin very fast
Me: It's the thought that counts
Her: tell that to the zombies
Me: babe there aren't any zombies in Frosty The Snowman
Her: That's what you think