self-strength @forward-living - Tumblr Blog

japan-overload

by koshi chiba

mauiw0w

f--o--r--e--v--e--r

sangatsunolion-deactivated20171

tokyostreetphoto

Cybercity, Shinjuku （新宿）

sun-liightt

Post Travels

I came back different, but everything was the same. I came back feeling like a new person but everyone else was the same. I came back excited for the new only to find myself wanting the old. I miss my old friends. I miss the friends I met abroad and I miss my life in Japan. The problems I left behind when I went to Japan are still here. They are still here trying to haunt me. The only difference is that I am different. I am stronger. But being stronger only brings me to face new challenges and new questions. Is this the life I want to live? Is this how I want my future to go? I constantly find myself wishing I was back in Japan, wishing that life was the way it was before, wishing for something that I know is impossible to have or do again. Why am I so confused? I always think about how I miss my study abroad because I can honestly say I have never been so happy. And now that it is over I’ve been so desperate in seeking happiness that I have just found myself lost and trapped in the middle. I don’t know what I want or what to do. I’m so desperate in trying to stay happy like I once was, that I just cut off anything or anybody that makes me go back to how I once felt when I was in the dark. Everyday I do try to look forward. I try. Because in the end, this is life. Life is great and it sucks at the same time. This is just my life and that is how it is going to be... For now I guess.

[side note] I’m okay enough to say I am happy. I’m just so damn confused.

#change #study abroad #lost #confused