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Friday Five

1. Kids are at sleep away camp and I’m making the most of my time.

2. Things happened today and the result was to move my exploratory heart procedure up to 10 days out.

3. I needed a pick me up and also toothpaste, so ran into Walmart. Coffee mate has these little dirty soda mixers to pair with soda. I did a bit of one with a diet Dr pepper and it was like summer in a bottle! It tasted like a resort drink. Y’all find them- just $1.50 and it might stop you from choking out the dumb girl at the mahjong table. Might.

4. Someone sent me an anonymous about keeping up with Assasin’s Blade. I stayed up last night and am almost finished with the second book. It is getting better.

5. An acquaintance from high school had their partner die from cancer this week. Second partner to pass. The first one died in 2020 from covid and this one from some rare cancer. Life is hard.

Why I Cried in the Car (Today)

The cardiac appointment was a nightmare and left me feeling just awful, physically and mentally.

I came home and got a message asking me to sub this evening in this mahjong tournament. It was 25 minutes away, but thought it might take my mind off the heart stuff. I fed the kids an early supper and got dressed and drove in traffic to the other side of town. The tournament was being held on a rooftop balcony that was like four flights of stairs in a historic building.

I can barely do stairs because I have no fucking heart capacity, so there was a woman behind me on the stairs on my heels. I scoot to the side and smile and just laugh and make a joke about being slow and she can go around me. She looks at me, head to toe, huffs and walks around me.

I made it up to the registration desk and check in. They say I’m a few minutes late and they gave my spot to an alternate- the lady who passed me on the stairs. I just said okay and the organizer then calls the alternate over says they’ve already rolled for East, essentially already starting the game. Everyone is looking and so I just say it’s okay, because I know I’m red faced and can still barely take a breath.

It shouldn’t bother me to the point of crying in my car, but it does. I’m tired of having fucking diabetes. I’m tired of having a fucking defective heart. I’m tired of figuring out how to make everything work.

Well, didn’t go well. My heart function is where it was before the open heart. “High likelihood of hard cardic event.”

I had to have some cardiac testing and imaging done this morning. It’s at a new office location that I haven’t been to before and I don’t know the staff.

They’re all like “oh, you’re so young! What brings you in today? Any symptoms?”

Then I tell them and they look at my chart and it quickly becomes serious and the one tech was like “oh, shit, let me get Donna in here, just in case.”

Not sure who Donna was, but she didn’t take her eyes off of me until it was all finished and I was deposited in the cardiologist’s office.

And now we wait.

I was asked today by my team lead to write a personal statement about my leave. Confused, I asked if they meant the letter and physician statements about not being released back to work that I gave to HR. No. Work wants me to give a personal statement about why I’m out of work so “it can go into my personnel file.”

I have never been asked to do that before and in my many years of management, I’ve never asked an employee to submit a statement when they’ve submitted physician statements and have been approved for LTD.

I decided at 4am that I’m going to become a mahjong instructor and start a mahjong event business.

Will this cockamamie plan die on the vine or just amass a mint of personal debt?

Sunday Seven

1. I did not think I’d have nerve pain in my chest this far out from surgery. I asked the cardio thoracic surgeon and he said it can take years for nerves to regenerate, especially in br.east tissue. When the nerve pain hits, no matter where I am, it’s a natural instinct to grab my br.east and push into my chest until the pain goes away. I wonder if the closure wires in my sternum are part of the pain.

2. June’s Book Club selection is Margot has Money Problems. I just can’t get into it.

3. I’m also reading through the Assassin’s Blade series. I buy the book and also the audible. I love Sarah Maas, but Assassin’s Blade series seems much slower pace.

4. Can we talk about how much food teenagers consume on summer break? Holy smokes.

5. I have made it a point to schedule something weekly that is just for me and does not involve my children. Right now, that looks like either a book club or mahjong event.

6. Just in case anyone has fallen behind my hobbies and interests are reading, gardening, birds, tennis and mahjong. I also like a good sudoku workbook.

7. This week I planted Carolina jessamine, cucumbers , and musk melon. The deer ate the cucumbers vines but left the melon alone.

Is it wrong to buy mahjong tiles from Alibaba? They look like an exact dupe for oh my mahjong tiles. And the person Inwas chatting with on alibaba said they manufacture the OMM tiles too. I was afraid to buy things off the TT shop, but that mini chainsaw was a game changer.

I taught the kids mahjong over the weekend. Bee got her first mahjong this afternoon.

Our neighbor took his boat out this morning and invited Dino to go. I went back and forth and finally decided to let him go. I have known him since we moved into there neighborhood and didn’t get any weird vibes. The man is a retired Navy Seal who likes to fish in the mornings and was being kind to invite Dino. I think he knew I was nervous so they went out for just a few hours and came back and docked.

Sunday Seven

1. School is out.

2. Dino passed honors bio by the skin on his teeth. No summer school and he gets promoted to sophomore.

3. Did a fancy mahjong event at a country club and the crowd was definitely….interesting. It was all women, average age range late 30s to 60s. Some were very nice and some clearly have kids who have likely gone no contact. Saw the kids’ pediatrician there.

3. Dino and I used the mini chainsaw to clear some small sweet gums and other little trees and shrubs. Why do I do stupid shit? I can barely walk now.

4. My longchamp arrived. It was “I survived necrotic tissue and a wound vac” treat to myself.

5. With open heart, people talk about depression being pretty common along with cognitive issues. My cognition definitely took a hit. Thinking complex things through is very hard for me a lot of times. Playing mahjong is really challenging for me because I can’t compute things quickly and lots of thinking is exhausting.

6. I took Bee to hit balls at our court and practice her serve. I explained to her that she can do one private lesson and one clinic a week and then we have to supplement at home to get her ready for the season. We used ChatGPT to come up with a training plan that includes strength and conditioning and mechanics. I went to her clinic yesterday to size up her competition and see where she compares.

7. I’m having some diagnostic testing done in a couple of weeks and then I have a second opinion scheduled for July.

I was crying in the minivan in the hospital parking lot because the cardiologist said I need another surgery. But then I see @squirrels-and-whales liked my post 🩷🩷🩷🩷

There was an ask about Bee and her mental health.

Overall, she’s doing well. Middle school is hard. Sixth grade was the worst and finishing 8th seems like a relief. I think she will do well in high school.

I am not one to hand out parenting advice. Mostly. I will say this about girls and trauma and pervasive mental illness. Sleep, nutrition, and a shit ton of physical activity.

I control as much as possible so Bee gets a minimum of 10 hours, but we aim for 12 hours sleep a night. There are things we have to forego so that I can protect her sleep.

Nutrition- like any teenager, she eats a ton of junk. But every night we sit down to a dinner of a lean protein, a fruit, and a vegetable. She also has lots of healthy snacks and always a water bottle on her. Hangry is a real thing for this kid.

Tennis is her thing. She is on the court after school and then every weekend she’s at a tennis clinic for 2 to 3, 4 hours. Tennis isn’t just a 45 minute lesson, it’s hours of footwork, conditioning, games, coaching. It just changes her entire mood and she asks to go to the clinics and lessons and once there, asks to stay longer.

The other thing I would say is no social media. None. The psychos on there (and usually those are fellow classmates) are too many and the messaging to young girls are toxic. Also, I check and monitor cell phone and Chromebook usage pretty regularly. Sometimes, there are innocuous topics that can open up a conversation. Sometimes, kids are little shits and on more than one occasion, I have found mean girl messages and bullying.

Formal for Bee tonight.

She had an amazing time. 🩷

What’s my super power?

Surviving a half dozen heart attacks? Maybe.

Seeing a contractor working on a neighbor’s house and seeing if they can do mine for some quick cash? Yes. Had a bunch of trees trimmed for a fraction of what I was quoted a few ago.

Mahjong party was so much fun. I got phone numbers from two people who live not far from me.

After the mahjong party, I picked the girls up from a tennis clinic. Another mom came over to me and was telling me she drove by our house and loved the garden beds we (the kids) put in and the fountain and the window boxes.

My half-dead clearance Walmart and Lowe’s plants and flowers have taken off for me. The yard is filled with blooming plants and we have tons of birds and half a dozen hummingbirds.

Happy Mother’s Day

I got invited to my first mahjong party this weekend. I did classes and it was fun and I met some really interesting folks. Here, people dress up and it’s kind of fancy and I am really looking forward to it.

Is Mahjong a cult? Maybe.

Am I showing up in a new dress and sans wound vac? Definitely.

Dino: Mom, can you please just not talk until I’ve left the house?

That 7am wake up is hard for 15 year olds.

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