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Echo of God’s Love

My church started a weekly group meeting for the brothers at our church, and this have been giving me so much joy for Fridays. I believe a lot of times Sundays aren’t enough to foster a loving relationship with brothers and sisters. We consider church our family in Christ, but yet we don’t even think about them throughout the week because we don’t know enough about what is going on in their lives. Yesterday was one of those meetings, and being able to share how God is working in my life has been very sobering. When we gather, we sing a couple of praise songs, pray together, read His word, and share out highs, low, and prayer requests for the week. In the highs and lows, we glorify God. In the highs, we give praise to God, and in the lows, we desperately seek God. These past couple of days, I have been asking for prayer to see God’s glory all around me to fuel me in my battle between my flesh, heart, and thoughts. As I press into God’s calling for me, seminary, I constantly need to battle the desire to find pride in myself, the desire to survive financially, and desire to maintain the limited time I have. Every inch of my body wants to not pursue seminary because in the worldly view, in every angle, this doesn’t make sense. The brothers around me and my fiancée have shown me an echo of God’s love and support in my pursuit of obeying God. Jaimie, my fiancée, has been supporting of my pursuit for seminary and didn’t even hesitate to support me in this path. I am very grateful that God placed her in my life because even a hesitation would have made another internal warfare for me not to pursue seminary. This is all glory to God as he has made my path straight and have provided everything I need to be sufficient in the Lord. Now all I need to focus on is obeying and loving God because He first loved me.

What do I seek?

Matthew 10

I have been feeling God call me to Seminary once again, and today I read Matthew 10, where Jesus speaks to his disciples before sending them to the town proclaiming who Jesus is to those who are lost. Earlier in the chapter Jesus mentions that a student and the teacher are the same and not one is great than the other. As the chapter continues, it brings up those who seek and love their family more than Jesus and also those who love themselves more than Jesus. Things like picking up our cross to follow Him and those who seek their lives will lose it and those who lose their lives will find it. These were the key words that were emphasized to me from the Holy Spirit from reading and listening to God’s word this time around.

Having been called to seminary before, I started to reflect what my mind goes through whenever this challenge is set before me by God. I say challenge, but it is probably more of a command and that I choose time and time again to ignore and disobey. I am already fighting with the enemy, my flesh, my thoughts, and my heart. I immediately think of my age and how I am already 30 years old, which means I will graduate around 35 years old. I also think about the finances that I could be losing from pursing a MDIV. Even things like wanting to go to Paraguay again is making my flesh hesitant from pursing this degree. In the worldly aspects of life, seminary is not the way to go in any way. I wont make money from being a pastor, I am afraid to increase instead of God, my flesh and thoughts are tricking me to think that pursing my relationship with those in Paraguay is godly, and I won’t have a good basis to pour my life onto the younger generation at the age of 35 anymore.

I need confidence in God and unfortunately, as someone who is very type-A and likes to get things done, I think about my plan, my degree, my money, and my ministry. I need to trust God and submit these things before Him to be able to clearly state that if God is calling me to do this, that I will pursue it and lay it at the foot of the cross, because in my worldly eyes, I cannot justify it. Family and friends may look at me weird but this will test how much I trust God and how much I depend on Him. I need to remember to depend and fear the Lord as it will guide me to many things that He wants to reveal to me.

Fear of God

Romans 9

I just got back from a missions trip to Paraguay, which was a 10 day trip. God has not only shown me a lot of His power, and glory, but also His heart for His people. The missionary team has locals that help teach students of all ages from sunday school/camp, instruments, and education. I met fellow brothers and sisters during the trip, but there were 4 brothers who I have come to love deeply: Pastor Adan, Daniel, Geraldo, and Alex. Luckily, I was able to communicate with my lack of knowledge in the Spanish language. During my time there with our team, we were able to serve God together and strive to work hard for God’s glory. The day-to-day was usually 2 VBS sessions, with a quick bible teaching, and craft session in between. We ended around 3 PM and after 3PM, we would have some free time before doing anything else together. We would eventually build such a strong relationship that the free time would always be in the presence of one another. We played, soccer, volleyball, went to the local creek/river, and attended church services together. This was basically what we were doing every day, during our time there. My body ached everyday from jump, running, and always being on my feet. Even though I may have felt tired and weak, I felt so fulfilled for being in line with God’s will in pursing after the children and fellow brothers and sisters.

During my time there, internally, I was able to realize God’s heart for using the weak, the meek, and the humble to lead his kingdom and be the people He uses. I say this because the love they gave from sacrificing the very little that they have, felt much more powerful than anything I could sacrifice. The living situation there was hard to describe, but in comparison to America, there was a vast contrast. They weren’t ever allowed to throw toilet paper in the trash, trash was burnt every night due to a lack of a local dump, hot water was very limited, bugs everywhere, no mobile devices used as an escape mechanism, children sharing the same cup to drink water out of, no soap in the bathroom to wash our hands, only air drying our hands, and these are the only a few that come to mind. I came to love the people in Paraguay for all that they sacrificed for us to be comfortable during our trip. Although burning plastic is not good for the environment, they bought cases of water for us to drink comfortably and provided home cooked meals everyday for our whole team, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We would always fight to carry the heavy luggage that we brought to different churches to do VBS, crafts, and skits for. Outdoing one another was not only a daily occurrence, but a constant occurrence. I have never heard them grumble or complain about them doing something. This was the heart of the weak, the meek, and the humble.

As we came to the last night together, we were all sitting in a circle to share something with one another. I shared that I had a difficult time understanding Paul in his letter to the Romans in Chapter 9. In the beginning of the chapter, He is addressing his people and says that if he could, he would curse himself away from Jesus for the sake of his brothers knowing Him. I never could understand this statement, because desiring eternal damnation for the sake of his brothers still didn’t make sense to me. However, I am starting to understand the magnitude of the love Paul had for his brothers. That night, I was able to taste a little bit of what Paul felt in his letter. As we were packing and preparing to come back home to America, all I could put my hope and trust on is God’s sovereignty. This seems like easy because you are trusting an Almighty God who has created the universe from nothing, but as a type-A personality, it was and is will hard to grasp. However, this helped me understand Pauls heart and this is what I felt that night. Short-term missions may not be the best in many areas, but God isn’t limited and can work through anything as long as we seek his kingdom and alignment with His will. I bring this up because I want to visit Paraguay regularly because the long-term relationships were very fulfilling and through us walking side-by-side, may the people see that we are of God and for God.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am back home in the land of the comfortable, complacent, and lukewarm-ness. I know that you are still working and present in America and I pray that I may be surrounded in your presence daily and knowingly. There are many instances where I don’t think about your presence, whether it is from being zombie-like with work, the brain rot of youtube/twitch, or just complacency with the gifts you have given me (work, money, and relationships). May I continue to glorify you in all the things I do and may I cling and depend on you as I learn more and more about fear you, Lord. I for my brothers and sisters in Paraguay who live there and continue to devote their lives in pursing your kingdom. There are four brothers who I love and I desperately ask for your provision to have them tethered to the Holy Spirit until the day I see them again (in the future or in eternity). You are a good Father and I am fully trusting in your will and control for every one of us. May any inevitable suffering be glorifying to you and may my brothers and sisters in Paraguay see them bigger and eternal picture in the suffering. As you have told us, in you we live and move and have our being, so You who give us life, may we devote that life and gift to glorify you and always look to you.

Amen.

Not because I must, but because I am willing

(1 Peter 5:2-3)

I approached my head pastor as my church, Pastor J, and he asked me a question that got me really thinking. Originally, I asked him about my feeling of God calling me into ministry, which somehow led to him asking me a question if this is a yes to God’s calling. With obvious hesitation, I said I mean I don’t want to but God is calling me to and I want to obey and love Him. Now with today’s devotional, seems like this verse was highlighted to me. It was intentionally about pastors and shepherds and that God has called us to oversee his flock, and that we obey not because we must but because we are willing. I think my answer to Pastor J was evident that I felt a “must” in obeying God, but now I am asking myself, if I am willing.

I think the way this verse is stated, make everyone who has received this calling ultimately ask themselves if obeying this calling is worth it and if we love God enough to be willing to oversee his flock. If I am willing, I should love God to do so, Be authentic and transparent through the process, and finish strong because I was willing and should stay willing with the free will God has provided us. I always return to our opportunity to choose God and to choose to love him. God asks me if I am willing because He wants me to choose obedience to show Him love instead of a forced declaration that I will pursue ministry because it is my calling and that I have to follow what God has called me to do. I am not being saved due to my vocation or my service to the church. I am solely being judged by my affection and relationship with Jesus.

So what will it be? Well, I was told two things from 2 pastors. One told me simply, “have faith.” and the other said to be sure if I want to pursue this degree and to try a free course online to see what it is like. Now I am very grateful of these pastors in my life because they already are covering me in multiple aspects of life: Spiritually, Mentally, and Physically. Now I will lean on God to cover me emotionally as I proceed with the free courses. I will provide updates on myself and my status.

Jealous God (James 4)

Over the weekend, my church had a revival where we were reflecting on an awkward place in our lives, where we don’t know where we are. Not knowing where we are, but also not being where we were. During these moments of teaching and reflection, God highlighted a few things to me. His desire to be loved, and to know that it doesn’t matter where we are or where we are going, but that He is with us. During the first night, we did an exercise that involved us writing a letter to ourselves from God’s point of view. In this letter, God expressed his heart to me and showed me that He was proud and loved me dearly. After spending some quiet time, I was able to differentiate between working through the Spirit, by the Spirit, and with the Spirit versus working by obligation, self-righteousness, and selfish glory.

This led me to intentionally read about God being a Jealous God. He desires my spirit and to dwell with me in my life. I have been too focused on finances, success, and comfort in the world, that I didn’t realize that cause me to become an enemy of God. It all seemed too comfortable and calm, but in reality my life seemed more hectic and stressful. It brought me to be judgmental to my neighbors, which led me to anger, hatred, and the place where I did not know where I was or who I was with. Therefore, I want to continuously pray for humility and meekness to glorify God. I want to love my neighbors and I want to humble myself to focus on what God wants and desires. This is my method in showing God love. Humility, Obedience, and Never ceasing desire to serve the Lord are the things I want to revolve my life around. That way I can meet God face to face and confidently say, by my actions, that I love Him.

There has also been something in my heart that may want to pursue ministry as a part time pastor… This is a scary topic to even bring up in fear of it manifesting in my life, I will listen to God and see what He wants me to do… A part of me wants to hate that this is even a thought with what I have done in my life, but I want to let go of that pride of working hard and ending up in a place of comfort and success. I believe this may be the first step that God might be asking for my obedience and love. As I am writing this, I am already thinking of bargaining with God. “Allow my gf to succeed or have a more comfortable life, and I will go into seminary” was the first thought that I had. I already know this thought process is wrong in a moral aspect due to creating a transactional relationship with God, but more importantly, it is causing me to diminish God’s emotion/character and my opportunity to love on Him.

I am back (again)

May 20, 2023

Hey God. This is more of me talking to you rather than talking to the public, as I usually do. Where have I been? What have I been doing? Why am I here? I feel (again) like the prodigal son and yet you come running back to me with open arms again and again. Every time I come humbled once again because apart from shame in my short comings unveils a humble heart. However, I can’t but repeat my apologies to you, again and again.

This seems like a reoccurring theme but you say that you will come like a thief in the night. Yet these moments always reminds me and wishes that I was always God centered and pursue the path you have set for me and wait for your coming. I have been in a dark area. Although you have sent me a woman, I still feel lacking without you. I have, also, an accountability group that seems like a dread to go to. Work has been overwhelmingly high in my list of priorities. At this very moment in my mind, my priorities are money, work, family, girlfriend, friends, and then God. This may seem very dark to say, but I am sure other people think it, that God, your unconditional and unfaltering love makes it difficult to have a need in prioritizing you first on that list. It is purely by desire that you reach the top of that list. Most people in this world cant be 100% certain that you are at the top of that list. Even then, I will pursue that.

I have been focusing on my body and weight. I have been focusing on being a good brother, a good son, and a good boyfriend. I have been focusing and motivating myself to life a perfect secular lifestyle of work, social life, family, and love life. This is what I have been doing and for why I am here… Well I think the main root of the issue is not pursuing you daily and resetting and not conforming to the patterns of this world. Putting myself down daily to bring glory to you and to live through you. Since that wasn’t being done daily, I started to try controlling my life through my own “power.” I say it like that because God is enabling it to seem like that, but in my secular and worldly thinking, I give myself credit. God, aren’t I a mess? What do you see in me that makes you love me? I guess you wouldn’t focus on a quality of any kind, and that is what makes it unconditional. God, sorry to ask again, but may you remind me again what life is like with you in the center? I desire this as I have tasted life with you in the past, and nothing satisfies my soul like you do.

Doing what I do not want

February 19, 2023

There is something so scary about Guilt and how it can linger in your mind so much. Even as a son of God, I tend to think that falling into sin was a lost battle even though Jesus has won it all for us. The entanglement of sin in my life can get scary. Even today I was relating myself as Jesus and someone called me out on it. I wasn’t sure why it was bothering me so much but it did. In the middle of reading God’s word, I began having that guilty thought on what I said and how he, the guy who called me out, was judging me. It started to reflect in my reading today because I had to read the same paragraph multiple times. Until I couldn’t help but lean on God and asked Him to show me his grace again. I was told that this issue is so small in the big picture and that spending time with God brings more joy to Him than not sinning. It isn’t that fact that we don’t sin that makes Him happy but the fact that we spend time with Him. He does look at sin and loathes sin because that is ultimately what separates us from Him. However, once we live with the Spirit, we are free and redeemed, and nothing in this world can take us from God’s hand. This promise of His allows me to recognize that falling into sin isn’t us being separated from Him but it is about how we go back to our fleshly desires and live by the flesh instead of the Spirit. There is absolutely no condemnation for those who are in God’s hands and are called His sons and/or daughters. It isn’t about doing what the flesh desires and or what the Spirit desires but it is about what we desire to follow, the Spirit or the flesh. This is what brings God happiness. The fact that we choose Him over other things and love Him that love what our flesh desires. Father I personally and honestly apologies for what I said earlier as I wasn’t thinking.. Thank you for already forgiving me and allowing sin and death to not have any hold on me for you are indeed a Good Father and an Almighty God. Pull me in closer so that I may know everything about my father as my flesh may cause me to squirm away. Whatever circumstance you put me in, I will surrender it all so that I don’t seem holy and godly to other but so that I can give you my whole life just to make you happy because you deserve it Lord. Amen.

God’s Plan

February 9, 2023

I don’t know how many times I have talked about a different woman in my life in this blog, but guess what. There is someone else I am talking to now. Yes I hope she is the last one too, but we never know because of God and who He is. His plan for us exceeds our understanding and sometimes we mayt come to hate it because of our desire to be in the know and in control. God wants something else and that is for us to trust Him. His plan will always outweigh our because.. well He is God afterall, but it is a selfless plan. Now How do I reflect all of what I just said into my relationship with this new girl. One thing I always wanted to be wary of was that I wanted to at least experience and learn something out of every relationship that I was a part of whether it had the label of bfgf or not.

So what are things I want to focus on in this relationship. I want to keep our walk with God separate while we are not married. Having trust that God is pursuing her as much as He is pursuing me is the trust I have in God’s plan. I of course pray for her spiritual life and want to ask if she read today as much as yesterday and the day before. It is definitely important to know that she is walking with the Lord but seeing her fruit should be enough for me to know where she is with her relationship with God. Sort of a relationship you see with brothers and sisters within the church. I think in my last relationship(s) I had a savior complex where I wanted to lead the relationship in multiple avenues. Things like spiritual life, financial life, and even chores and work, I wanted to handle. Another issue that I see arising is the chemistry of the church family. I bring this up because people know about our relationship can already cause a change and/or shift in the church. This was an unfortunate acknowledgement on my part because I wanted to have spiritual guidance in our relationships from the pastor(s). Instead, I decided to the pastor who was my mentor and discipled me know of this situation. I hope that him and my very close brothers keep this news in the hidden so that the chemistry doesn’t change in case our relationship doesn’t work out. That was my best way to show that I trust God’s plan. Whether this relationship turns for the better or worse, I did not fully believe not because of my lack of trust but because I know how the world works and who God is. To God be the glory for everything I do and with all that I am.

Summary of Acts

February 7, 2023

Today I finished the book of acts and although it may be entirely possible that I forgot most of the book, I am still proud to say I finished the book. I feel like when I was a baby being fed baby food, I would just find one liners in the Bible and dissect it with other words that God has given me. Ultimately, in this scripture, Paul is going around preaching the new covenant of Jesus Christ, and how God has shown grace upon the Jews AND to the Gentiles. I think it is a great transition from the gospels and the Great Commission. I also read in my daily devos about God’s Grace, AGAIN. And I say again in a way that doesn’t show complacency but the fact that God’s Grace is just constantly highlighted brighter and brighter in our lives. If God defeated sin from Jesus’s death and resurrection, why are we still struggling with temptation and sin? If like Adam and Eve, did not know of sin and temptation, we would not know the depth of the Father’s love for us. Even Adam and Eve felt tempted with the serpent told them to eat of the fruit. If there was no sin at that point, why was there even temptation? God always intended for temptation because God wants to be chosen to be loved. He also desires love just like we do, which is why we were made in God’s image. I think there are people who go to church because it is Sunday and there are people who just go through the motion, but there is a huge problem that lies behind that. Which is the idea of minimizing God’s Grace and love for us. We go to church on Sundays every week, so we aren’t sinners. We do the motions of daily devotional, listening to praise songs, and praying, so we aren’t dwelling in sin. No. Sin is two fold. We act upon temptation and sin but sin is also inherited, which is why we cannot grow complacent in the depth of the Father’s love for us. We must understand how much God loves us. In that while we were yet sinner, He died for us and gave His live up for us. Seems a little extreme to me but when you recognize how messed up we are, it seems like the only solution, and the almighty God of the Universe was the one who decided to take that task and burden upon Himself just because He loves us. Imagine that. Every time I think about His love, I can’t help but come into tears. Giving up everything He had to live in glory and in Heaven, but He didn’t want heaven without us. It was us or nothing for Him.

Hosanna

February 4, 2023

HOSANNA! I wonder what causes someone to really exclaim this. You would think that it only occurs when something good happens in life. However, I want to be at a place where I give glory to God for all He is done no matter what season I am. I guess it isn’t as easy since being a Christian while human in this broken world makes it difficult. So what would I have to focus on or preach to my soul on? I spent time in this daily devotional that I do called, “New Morning Mercies,” and today it talked about how you are in constant communication with yourself. This kind of made me think about Paul talking in Philippians about how we need to pray unceasingly with God. Raising up petitions and thanksgiving to God. The reason I thought about this is that if we are constantly with the Holy Spirit and communing with the Holy Spirit than we should be able to be more and more like God. This way when we talk to ourselves we should be so much like Jesus that we are unceasingly praying and talking to Him. To me, I shout out hosanna because of the word. The living word of God compels me to know and love God for who He is and what He has done, but without Jesus’ death and resurrection for my sins and the Holy Spirit, the word wouldn’t speak to me this much. I honestly wouldn’t have been able to like the life of sacrificing things for my sins either. Being completely exhales and free and also being given the opportunity to speak to ourselves is far more than we can imagine in life. We take it for granted because every speaks to themselves, but imagine being created as robots, and not having the choice of who we follow and love sounds so mundane.

I thank God for my family, my friends, my church, and my life. Although all of these things are broken, I have no expectations because I am made sufficient with Christ. To this I sing Hosanna. That though I am imperfect and the things around me are imperfect, a perfect and good father is the one I can call dad, friend, and savior. As an perfect being, giving up everything to just dwell with us, still amazes me and it brings me to a state of awe. I hope to become even a small amount of who Jesus was. Loving, forgiving, compassionate, selfless, understanding, passionate, steadfast, active, decisive, and considerate are the personalities that I have learned about Him so far. The more I learn about Him the more I fall in love. Hosanna because our God is this type of God with these personalities. How magnificent and beautiful You are. I love you.

God’s Grace

January 30, 2023

This topic is perfect because I wanted to talk about falling short of an expectation.It has been 30 days since the New Year, and i am sure more like 90% of the resolutions have failed by now. Even if the resolutions were for god, how does it feel to fail, give up, or forget? Guilt? Powerless? Worthless/Useless? Whatever it may be is a natural way of thinking. When Adam and Eve fell short of the promise to not eat of the fruit from the tree of knowledge, they immediately felt ashamed, guilty, and maybe even worthless by hiding their nakedness and vulnerability before God. This post is titled “God’s Grace” because the life of a Christian tend to start with a sanctification process, trying to live a sinless, righteous, and holy life to be considered God’s beloved, to be adored by the Father, or to make Him proud. When we do things through our own power and accord, we tend to lose connection with God, who has done everything in His power to have a connection with us. We pursue after self righteousness more than God. And that wasn’t the intent of God giving up His heavenly throne, surrounded by constant praise and love. His intent was simply to spend time with slaves like you and me. Yet we are hear focusing on this not of God. We are focusing on the righteous living of God when apart from Him we can do nothing and we are nothing. It is simple… Just spend time with Him. That was his original plan and intent in sacrificed His only Son. Stop focusing on the small things in life. But focus on the one who is greatest and deserved our whole life be cause He has devoted Himself to us. We love Him because He first loved us.

Tired

January 28, 2023

I just finished a 3 year audit for my church. This was one of the things that were tiring me out and the enemy was using as an excuse for me to not spend time with God. Today I am just going to journal and type my thoughts before spending time in His word. Kind of want pure alone time it’s my Father and this is the way I do it. As for today, I went out with a friend that has never met God or believed in Him in his life. This is a man that I care about deeply and imagining him not even getting a chance to know the Great and Good Father bothered me. I have been trying to stop cussing but it almost seems impossible. Hanging out with him today made me realize that lifting a brother from sin really makes it hard for yourself along the process. I wonder how much I should care about that. Since my action isn’t the determining factor in my salvation, would I need to focus soooo much on it that I come here, write about it, and somewhat feel guilty or ashamed? My only focus should be the focus on who Jesus is and what He has done for me that leads me to stop cursing and pursue holiness and sanctification. So there is a reason for me to pursue these things; however, I should not feel ashamed in falling short but feel compelled to not fall short and do what pleases my Father, God.

I actually have a most recent tattoo on my back, which symbolizes the Holy Spirit coming down in the form of a dove onto Jesus, when He was baptized. I wanted to reflect on this because what God, the Father says to his son, Jesus brought awe into respective. When God states that Jesus was his beloved whom he loves and with him I am well pleased,” I think about the way my dad looked at me and it helped me realize the almighty Father’s mentality of me. Just dwelling with Him makes Him pleased, we are loved and His beloved. Just know that makes me feel like I can handle anything in life. I remember my dad always wanting to spend time with me when I was younger, but as someone that came from a broken family in property, I never wanted to eat fast food with my dad. What kind of dad wants to spend so much time with their kid that they sacrifice healthy food at an old age just to spend time with him? I remember my dad would even go to NY with me to buy games even though we didn’t have money. As I grew older I started to think that money trumped over relationships and intimacy. As I grew even older than that, I started to realize that the way I was living was not a life that would be please to anyone, including myself. I feel like this reflects our time spent with God. We find things that may seem more important than God. People around us, money, our time, resting, serving, work, health, and many other things seem to easily grip us as something we should waste away for. I contemplate how heart breaking it is to God. He just wants to spend time with us, and He has done everything in His power to do that, and even with him omnipotence, He allowed us to choose from focusing on these things in life or just simply spending time with God… How jealous He is over me. Knowing His jealousy in spending time with us breaks my heart. Even though I know this and say this now, once life comes around and the routine comes along, we again have God fading away onto the sideline. I need to focus and continue my time with God to recenter Him in my life over and over and over again. Not because its what I should do or wha tI ought to be doing, but because I want my God, my Father, the love of my life to be please in dwelling with me. Because that is what He deserves.

Giving

January 28, 2023

“It is more blessed to give than to receive”

This was what Paul said to the elders of Ephesus and I never really understood this with God… Of course I experience it with friends even strangers on the off chances and occasions. However, with God most of our relationship is circle on receiving. I wonder how long we will focus on receiving and what is weird is that God calls for this kind of child like heart. The heart that knows the importance of a Father that teaches us what glorifies Him as one of his sons. As much as I am blessed in receiving, I still lack the full understanding of what God is giving to me. The things that God give to me can all be summed up into one category: selfless. I often correlate selflessness with unconditional love because of the very nature of the authenticity and purity of putting yourself down.

God has given us, to put it simply, everything. So for now lets see if there is anything I can give back because I want to be more blessed than I already am. Tithe. So God knows me as the type of person to try his best to find excuses from tithing. Things like “oh I will buy my brother and/or sister food instead”, “I will work and provide service to the church as my tithe”, and the most desperate of them all, “my friends don’t tithe either.” So this is one of the big steps I am taking in tithing. Service. So this act of giving is the one that I am most comfortable with and the one that I don’t “keep score.” I love working for the church, whether it is setting up chairs, serving in a ministry (fellowship), or just having the willingness to help any other ministries. Worship, Prayer, and Devos. I want to give God intentional moments where we can foster a relationship and communication. This one has been on and off and one of the hardest to keep consistent.

Nothing Apart from God

January 27, 2023

It has been a while since I have wrote anything. Almost 3 years…

Yet God is still pursuing me again and agin. Steadfast, compassionate, and loving as always. What saddens me is that this revelation will not come with so much awe as it does right now at this very moment. I recently went to a retreat in January for College/Young Adults and I was able to talk to God. I do this thing where my prayers are like dialog with Jesus and I feel him talking to me personally, which is my favorite way to pray, but I remember Him just telling me that He missed me. He yearned to have this moment with me and that I have been focusing on growth with other brothers so much that it held me back from getting closer to God. This woke me up on how I still have my messiah complex where I try to help other and how I don’t want to get close to God alone; however, I was reminded that through the overflowing of my cup, can I really help others. This concept came to life as Jesus was talking about it over me, saying that it is not me who can bring brothers closer to God but by God deciding to reveal Himself to them. The most I can do is live inline with the Holy Spirit, pray for them, and challenge them. But because in bring your brother out of sin for you will be tempted and may fall short of the glory of God as well.

I read this Interview on YouTube from Soft White Underbelly on an Ex-Gang Member, Johnny. He spoke about the inheritance of sin in our lives. We don’t choose to be sinful but our desires will lead to these fruits that fear from the origin of sin that you see produced in life. The most inspiring part of that story was his moment of reconciling with his father. Although he grew up with an alcoholic and abusive father, he apologized to him, which unraveled all the hatred and resentment they had for one another. I wonder if God would ever apologize not because he was in the wrong but just to reconcile us. This also makes me wonder at the simple verse of “Jesus wept”. Jesus wept because Mary and Martha witness their brother (most likely younger) pass away. As they cried before Jesus, He also cried. The reason for this at the time of diving into the word, I realized that God does not enjoy humbling, disciplining, or teaching us, but He does all of this for our good. No good father disciplines his children for his own anger or frustration, but in hopes of straightening their child.

There may be moments where we resent God, but I guess this is all to show that God is doing this for our sake. To go through hardships and tribulations so that we may grow steadfast (James 1) and also knowing that God has already overcome (John 16), allows us to not continuously resent Him but know who out Father is.

Psalm 27

May 20, 2020

Today I felt the urge to type my thought from what God shown me. There is a verse within the passage mentioned that states that God received him while he was forsaken by his parents. I can’t relate to him, David, completely but I know what it feels like to feel rejected from your own parents. It was definitely tough and when I felt the need of a Father, God was there to fill that void and even more. Ravi passed away recently and I am continuously reminded of what Jesus said to Thomas, “Because I live, you will live also.”

There lies the hope that we rest on Jesus Christ because He has given us so much to live for. When I felt worthless with so many abandonment and rejections, He brought me closer to His heart and unveiled His holiness to me. So that I may strive to experience that over and over because while I was still a sinner He chased after me, fought for me, and never did He lose His focus on what is important. What greater love can be found apart from our God. Our God doesn’t not say empty words but words are spoken from the actions that pose His heart for us.

He missed me

April 14, 2020

Today, I felt an urge to spend time with God not because I have to but because I want to. Of course, before all that, I start with a thought of, “man, do I have to?” I didn’t have to. It was just what God reminded me yesterday that pushed and motivated me to spend time with Him. God doesn’t need me to do anything, but He does miss me and want to spend time with me at all times in my life. To have focused on watching other things or playing other games would have definitely led me to not spend time with God. I know myself well enough by now. Therefore, before I find comfort in those things, I will begin my alone time with God rather than relaxing and shutting down so that I can really invite God into those areas in my life.

God is such an interesting Father. I reach out to Him and He answers me in ways I can never expect. Things that cause my spend even more with Him so that I can just get a little hint at what He is trying to get at. Those little things are the gems in life. Life can slip in between your fingers at any moment. No matter how fast your grasp it, you will lose it, but when you don’t strive after life itself and rather sacrifice and deny it, you gain it.

It is quite interesting. To live is Christ and to die is gain. I want to live purely to Glorify God and exalt Him. It seems as if that is the only thing that matters. To think comfort for the rest of my life isn’t encouraging enough for me to live through so much struggle and that goes the same with wealth, fame, land, etc. When sacrificing and deny yourself to God, life becomes less about you and more about Him, which will make your pursuit never run dry. Keep striving Franco. In your very best efforts, exalt Him always. In life or death.

The God who Gives and Takes Away

April 13, 2020

Tonight I was reminded of the heaviness that lies before the present world in our lives. There are distractions that things that will separate us and divide us within ourselves to lose sight and focus on that with God has given to us. For all things God created is good; however, when we take away the purpose of those things, we start to dive into the very things that are sinful. During this reflection, I realized that I haven’t been focusing on the important things in life.

During this COVID-19 Pandemic, there have been people passing away left and right and it hasn’t hit me until tonight. The important things in life. The things that hold actual value in our lives and the lives of others. I remember being either afraid or nervous about approaching someone about their faith in God. That was because I wasn’t doing it for their sake, I was doing it for mine. That may sound silly, but I am sure that is where the truth lies in the fear instilled in our worldly bodies.

I reached out to my worldly father at this time, since it is late at night for me, which means early afternoon for him. I reassured him that he needs to chase after God. His life can be taken away from him and I realized if I didn’t say those words, I would regret it. Regret isn’t a big thought that we believers should have, but we do. To avoid those, I want to pray and press into the will of God because if it is for God’s will, I will regret nothing.

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