As part of a self-improvement project, I’m trying my best to make something every day, and I’m hoping to document my progress here, for myself. If you’re interested and want to watch me stumble along too, you’re welcome to (just don’t expect too much, haha…)
It’s been a year, and I somehow didn’t even realize it!
Somewhere along the line my day count must have gone off…though 365 and January 31st have both passed.
But it’s not about those numbers, and it’s not about how many likes or reblogs these silly creations of mine get, it’s about continuing to move forward every day, moving on, growing, improving. Even when it’s hard. Even when I’m exhausted, in pain, or depressed. I keep. Moving. Forward.
If one year of this has taught me anything, it’s that creativity can come from any inspiration: joy, pain, sorrow, fear, curiosity, kindness… All have sparked at least one of the 365+ pieces I have created over the past year. Do not let circumstance or emotion stop you from doing what you love, or from living your life.
I challenge you, too: Keep. Moving. Forward.
“Every violent storm will eventually give way to sunshine; every dark night will finally fade into dawn.” – Steve Goodier
It’s been far too long since I last posted here, even though I’ve been keeping track of the things I’ve been making. I still plan to retroactively post my creations since there’s been a lot, so I’ll just apologize in advance for the backlog.
This is probably a long-winded explanation of what’s been going on in my life the past three years, so I’m going (try?) to put it under a cut...but I hope you might still read it even though it’s mostly personal ramblings.
I fell behind on editing my posts to be published or queued in 2017, and at the end of the year my father died. I was absolutely devastated, as you might expect, especially since none of us saw it coming; he had been aware of his diet and keeping up on that and weekly exercise ever since his heart attack when I was a kid. He was only in his 60s, had just finally started getting his social security checks.
It was in December, just after Christmas and in the middle of a build period for a show I was lead designer on...my first mainstage show with that theatre, too. I was devastated and just wanted to cry, wanted to grieve, but I was only able to take 2 days to do so before I absolutely had to be back at work. The show must go on, after all.
Fast forward through 9 back-to-back show designs (for that company and others), my brother’s wedding, and a solid year of chronic chest-muscle pain. About May 2019.
I was exhausted. Physically, mentally, creatively, emotionally. I was having trouble sleeping, because of the pain, which made waking up hard and working hard, and in turn made me feel like I was letting everyone around me down. It was a vicious cycle and all the while I still hadn’t been afforded time to grieve. I was allowed 3 days off to travel and attend my father’s memorial service, but that was all. I was also trying desperately to find answers for my chest pain, visiting many doctors with no real answers.
My primary care physician suggested surgery as the best course of action after 8 or so “???” takes on my ailment, and I began jumping through insurance hoops to get it approved. My theatre changed insurance providers midway through this process and I learned the cost would likely not be covered at all.
I asked to be put on part-time so I could qualify for better insurance, and also thinking ahead to recovery times; the company said “full time or nothing” and I said “so be it”. I worked until August under the label “Summer Hire” so I could at least get my approval in the works. More shenanigans with insurance, many letters of recommendation, more doctor visits... Finally in February I got approval...for April. And then the pandemic hit, and it was postponed.
One month ago, as of this post, I finally had my surgery. After two solid years of pain. I have felt so free and relieved since then, and while the insurance approval status and all of that mess was stressful, I’ve at least, at long last, had some time to reflect, to grieve, and to appreciate the life I have now.
I miss making things every day; I miss the friends I had in the costume shop I worked in; I miss the wrangling and crunch leading up to that final moment when everything comes together on stage. But I don’t miss being overworked, in pain, exhausted; being dragged into stupid drama; being seen as an endless shaker of creativity that can absolutely live off minimal wages and will do anything that’s asked, no matter how absurd or time consuming, for that same pay. I sure don’t miss that.
I am so glad to be where I am right now, even though that place is still, ultimately, in transition of many things. I have a loving, caring, intelligent partner who means the world to me; cats who will snuggle with me when they want to; plants growing on the windowsill; and ideas for new projects that make my heart smile. For the first time in a very long time, I am looking forward to the future now, and excited for what lies ahead.
I’m still making things, and I haven’t abandoned this blog. I’m a little behind, and I’m not necessarily making something every single day anymore...but I’m still creating, and that’s what matters.
Day 476 (5/22/2017):
Continuing on the Space Soldier design, drafted the top; will be drafting pants if I have the time (not 100% on the design for them yet either).
A - textured grey panel along outside of legs
B - textured grey panel on crotch area (chaps kind of line)
C - angled colored piping above and below textured grey side panel
D - textured grey pocket and angled strips, colored piping around the edges. Nix the single stripe down the center there, I don't like it
Day 475 (5/21/2017):
Redesigned a shirt design from several years ago to fit with my friend’s Infinity cosplay design...because I love the black and green scheme she has goin’ on and I want to back up her badassery.
