Sometimes in life, I wonder if i'll truly ever be happy.
Yes, I love my friends. They cheer me up whenever I'm upset, but it never makes me happy. I don't feel happy.
I try to do things that I like, but now it makes me even more depressed. I liked drawing but now it feels like a competition, especially seeing people who have better art than mine.
I try to get into things that seem interesting to me, but people have to ruin it for me by saying they're a bigger fan than me. They have the need to be better than everyone else.
I listen to new music, but it never makes me happy. People make depressing music now, about real world problems instead of unicorns and rainbows and fridays, fun stuff.
Social media is worse, theres news about brand new diseases. theres stuff about people getting killed and people who have died. It makes me scared to exist.
I try to make friends, they always have other people. They have other friends, and it makes me feel left out but I'm not gonna voice my feelings, I can't. I don't get to have feelings because it causes friendships to fall out.
I don't have anyone here for me, even if theres people around me.
Nobody gets me like how I get myself.
People only like me for the person I try to be. They don't like me, they like Spoon. That's who I try to be. Nobody cares to ask how I'm doing.
I'm an asshole, I argue with others, I voice my opinions on other people who are happy. I bring other people down for my own personal gain, for my image, to feel something. I put other people down to be seen as someone funny.
I'm not a funny person, I'm a mentally disturbed loser on the internet who has been raised by the internet.
I yearn to be loved by people, I want to be loved and treated with love yet I push people away who want to help.
I have no friends in real life.
