It's 2:30 am and I have insomnia. I am plagued by the thoughts of past traumatic experiences. Both those that have been placed on me, and those I have caused others. It's all I can think about and I'm really sad. I hope that those I've hurt in the past have forgiven me, and I hope that one day I can forgive those that have hurt me. I just want to sleep tbh. I hate that I have forgotten most of my childhood due to my repression of the abuse I endured, and now I feel slightly lost. It's as if even the small amount of good memories that I had growing up have been forgotten because they were lumped in with the bad memories. I hate that my mind has conflated the two. I know it's probably not the best for me to be posting this online. Anyway, if anyone still uses this website and sees this I'm so sorry. I am just in a bad mood and a journal won't cut it, so I need to feel like I'm confessing to someone and it happens to be you right now. No need to reach out. There was a point in my life where I feel like I tried really hard to make it. I really wanted to be successful, hot, outgoing, funny, etc... And I do believe I had those qualities at one point in my life. As of right now, however, I do not feel that way. I went through a tough time and fell pretty hard. I tried to succeed in my career and that didn't work out and then I had to pick up all the pieces that I had left, which wasn't many, and try to salvage a life that was worth living. On top of that, I lost a lot of friends and family due to coming out as gay. As a result, I got caught up in a lifestyle of partying and hooking up. I don't think this is abnormal to do in your early twenties, but having no support system can make it dangerous. And when things fell thru and the new partying friends turned out to be shallow, I had nobody to help me up off the ground except myself. Now, I am trying again to fulfill the same dream I had years ago and the stress is getting to me. Thankfully, I have moved away from Alabama, where I was disenfranchised and had the added minority stress of being gay & atheist in a fundamentalist christian mecca. After getting my foundation built here, feeling like I belong, and getting over just the general stress of moving, I believe I have been given the opportunity to mature and grow as a person. I feel enabled to continue the dreams I had as my younger self, and I hope that I can fulfill them. Hopefully the memories I make as an adult now will stay with me, instead of being purposefully forgotten due to bad times.
dailybridgerton
dededos
romaincrisis
titsay
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
