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[midoyeon-deactivated20190523]

blooming days

[fttaewoo-blog]

hyeyeon‌,

&

“are you working on a new song? how is it?” she peers around him as if looking at the computer would tell her what it sounds like. it won’t, but she does it anyways.

taewoo was working, something common to him these days with verve letting the members of static take (more than the average amount of) control over their music. he was grateful, thankful, and unbelievably tired. to those who had no idea about all of the complexities about writing lyrics wouldn’t get it: from the outside, it just looks like writing some pretty, catchy words and putting them to a song. in reality, it was a lot more than that.

he was in the same studio he always was in since his trainee days (it’s unspokenly claimed as his now, anyway, most people know that by now) working on the finishing touches to static’s new release “shine” -- as the comeback date creeped closer and closer, he regretted submitting his lyrics more and more. but he’ll have to get used to it.

eyes were scanning the the file romeo had sent him, mumbling the lyrics along with the beats playing in his head to see if the meter was fitting (it wasn’t). taewoo almost didn’t notice hyeyeon walking in, even though he for sure heard the knock (and just ignored it). “huh?” it took a bit to register, replying to her initial question before she had the chance to repeat herself. “oh, putting the finishing touches on the lyrics -- this part just isn’t fitting the way i want it to so i’m trying to figure out how to make it work,” he dragged his eyes away from the screen to look over at hyeyeon. he’d end up needing a higher glasses prescription if all he was doing in his time off was looking at computer screens with bright backlight.

“you’re working on your debut, right?” he smiled, pitching his voice higher to mimic the music he’d been hearing from strawberrie’s training room,  “‘knock knock knock knock knock on my door, knock knock knock knock knock on my door.’” taewoo remembers clearly what it was like being in that space of mind, with those kinds of worries and anticipating whatever will happen next after debuting. it was an exciting time for both of them: hyeyeon finally debuting and taewoo debuting as a lyricist on a title track.  

[fttaewoo-blog]

💬

💬 / what taewoo really thinks about avery

if taewoo was being honest -- truly honest -- there were only a few idols out there that he admired (truly, wholeheartedly admired). as a trainee, he thought highly of almost every idol: he was going through a grueling training process and believed that every other idol out there had gone through the same thing -- his training stories weren’t unique on any level. yet as the years went on (and as he had more experience not only as an idol himself, but in the entertainment industry in general), taewoo found himself losing respect for others.

there were idols who were as sweet as can be on camera, bowing and treating everyone with respect. off camera, however, they changed into a completely different group, barely even acknowledging rookie singers and treating staff rudely. and then there were others (like v!be) where taewoo had only ever gotten a good impression of them (which, if he were to be even more honest, was probably because of his crush on lina).

when it came to avery (and really any idol that promotes as much as v!be does), taewoo admires her for all of the hard work she puts in; there is no way he would be able to do the same without being in and out of the hospital multiple times a week -- of course, he could be wrong, but he doesn’t truly want to find out. avery, to him, is someone who is getting close to a friend than an enemy, and he can’t say he hates it.

[fttaewoo-blog]

🍂

🍂 / what taewoo wanted to be when he grew up 

if someone were to ask him what he wanted to be when he grew up now versus fifteen years ago, the answers would be very different (hell, the answers would still be different even if one were to have asked ten years ago or even five).

ryu taewoo’s initial dream did not consist of being an idol: it didn’t even cross his mind. the kind of music these sorts of celebrities were singing and the kind of music he fell in love with were completely different – he could never put himself inside of the genre (although a few songs here and there were right up his alley; but they were more for consumption, not something he ever saw himself creating).

when taewoo was very small, he wanted to help people: be a firefighter, keeping people safe and rescuing those in need; a kindergarten teacher, simply because he admired his own teacher and wanted to be just like them; an astronaut, because space is just really, really cool; a baker, because when the house was filled with the smell of his mother and grandmothers’ sweets, it was as if his soul was lifted. later on, though, his answer would change to “poet” and “guitar player”; only after his grandfather informed him that “musician” can encompass both poetry (or, in this case, writing lyrics) and playing the guitar that taewoo truly began taking this path seriously.

but if you were to ask him now – after debuting (albit promotion time short) and after all the training – his answer would be different. he’d say he just would want to have him and everyone he cares about be happy. he’d whisk his family (sans his father) away from changho and surely start his own little unit, having kid after kid after kid and giving them all the love and affection he never received from his own father.

[fttaewoo-blog]

🍵

🍵 / one of taewoo’s biggest regrets 

it might seem silly if one were to look at his situation from any other perspective than taewoo’s, and surely if someone didn’t know all of the facts: taewoo’s biggest regret is leaving his mother back in changho.

it’s part of being an idol -- it’s a part of chasing your dreams -- leaving home isn’t easy for everyone, and it surely wasn’t for ryu taewoo. because he wasn’t just leaving behind family or comfort or the place where he was connected to the most (by land, by sea, by love, taewoo was leaving two people behind who needed him more than ever, who relied on him in ways that others just wouldn’t understand.

if taewoo wasn’t at home, who would be standing between his mother and his father? who would take the hits, the belts, the punches, the kicks instead of having them land on the one who gave him birth? his only goal with becoming an idol was making a lot of money and being able to get his mother and grandmother out of changho as fast as possible, and yet here he is many years later, still unable to do just that.

part of him regrets coming to seoul in the first place (and even listening to his grandfather to pursue music). part of him hates that it’s taken so long to debut and so long to get recognition, if one could call static’s level of popularity anywhere near successful. part of him hates that he actually enjoys making music. and part of him is glad that he did it.

[fttaewoo-blog]

soaring,

schedule 04, free week late night snacks / @ftyohan

days like these were rare enough, but entire weeks? the gods must have been looking out for the boys of static. verve creative gave them a full week of no schedules, arguably a preemptive measure for the busy month (or months, more realistically) ahead of them.

taewoo took this opportunity to drag a willing yohan out of the static dorm and into the world, more specifically to the foot tent near the han that they always used to go to in their training days. it might have seemed odd to others if they were to explain their relationship with not only the food tent, but the regulars, the owner, and just the atmosphere: it was as if they had absorbed that specific energy into themselves to the point where it feels like home.

“i really can’t believe ‘shine’ was actually picked as the title song,” taewoo lifted a newly filled glass of soju, thanks to the food tent ahjumma. he picked up his chopsticks, picking at one of the side dishes they ordered, “i really was never expecting those lyrics to even make it to a b-side, let alone a title track.” and that was true -- he really didn’t. he wrote those lyrics with a sincere heart, not greed for success. and now, whether he wanted it to or not, shine was going out into the world and there was not much that he could do about it.

there were few other things that brought him this much happiness -- sitting and chatting with a great friend while eating great food was on the top of the list for him. taewoo took a perilla leaf and stuck a few side dishes on it -- making a make-shift wrap, even though they weren’t eating barbeque -- and offered it to yohan, “here, you need to eat more -- you’re lookin way too thin these days, smallfry.”

[fttaewoo-blog]

porcelain,

schedule 03, after school club ft. irrational worries

things were lining up either for success or for a perfect failure. and although it should be obvious which side he would rather fall on, taewoo was still somewhere in the middle.

static was gaining fame -- that was a fact -- and faster than any other artist under verve creative, too. there was so much build up surrounding them, so much tension, so much expectation, and it was all starting to become a little too much. taewoo had seen it with other groups: once at the top, countless others are vying for your spot and waiting for you to fall because, well, you will fall, it’s only a matter of time. and he did not want to end up like that. he loved static too much, he loved this job too much (despite the long hours, despite the controlling environment). and besides, they couldn’t flop yet.

all of these worries were pointless, though, because static were still rookies, being shuffled off to television shows and magazine shoots and fan events. they weren’t able to dictate their futures (just yet).

taewoo had submitted the lyrics for “shine” (their hopeful comeback song) and part of him already hated that he actually did it: everyone would know -- or at least assume -- that he was desperately in love with someone. and to expose himself so willingly wasn’t a trait he thought he could possess. at least he still had a few weeks before confessing his interest not only to lina, but to the world through static’s title song.

after school club was always fun to go on, at least for the members who knew english well enough to actually get what was happening. taewoo only knew a few phrases here and there (things he picked up from school, from english lessons at verve creative, and things he overheard the members who knew english saying). it wasn’t enough to actively participate without someone going in and translating for him (or, more accurately, for the rest of the members of static). so that is how the show went: taewoo being confused and nodding most of the time, not understanding what the hosts were saying, what members were saying, or what fans were saying until someone translated it for him so he could truly get the jist of things. if anything, going on after school club was just proof that he needed to study more (that maybe daydreaming during english lessons wasn’t exactly the most productive thing to do).

[koreanxrap]

Visit Original Link

[fttaewoo-blog]

ink,

hyena on the keyboard ep. 2, the writing process

it would be a lie to say that taewoo did not have the lyrics and melody jotted down in a notebook somewhere long before “hyena on the keyboard” ever considered of having him on the show. “it will be okay” was a piece he had been jotting down from time to time, lyrics that would flow into his head after a long, hard day: words he would want to say to those around him, words he wished he could mumble to his mother as he held her close to him, and words he so desperately wanted to hear himself and believe it -- “everything will be okay.”

taewoo doesn't have a usual place to write, instead songs come naturally in quick moments of great genius where his creativity flourishes: it could be in the middle of practice, in the shower, while eating or brushing his teeth, at the salon, or even in the midst of sleep where he wakes to jot down even the weirdest of rhymes. in a way, ryu taewoo was chained to this addiction, never leaving his notebook’s side in fear of forgetting a great line or two before he had the chance to save them in ink (because cellphones, as he has learned over the years, are not that reliable).

he was sitting in the studio at verve that was unspokenly his, pen in hand and notebook open. for the sake of the show, he was told to act as if he was coming up with the lyrics right then and there, when in reality he was rewriting and rearranging things. taewoo was used to being alone while writing -- or at least being alone in his head -- with cameras around, he wasnt avle to be himself, his true, undoctored self. instead, he had to perform for the camera, make things interesting and lively and fun for people to watch (although, he was sure, most of the editing would do that for him anyway). if he hadn't saved this song for an occasion like this, he was unsure if he would have been able to come up with something as good as the song sitting in front of him.

after awhile of trying to look busy, he picked up his guitar that was leaning up against the desk he was at and began strumming a few different melodies (not to see what one fit, just for show because he already had an idea of what to use). it was cool, though, that he was finally getting more recognition in the music industry, even if the show was looking for rookie singer-songwriters to use, even if this was short lived. he would take it, love it, cherish it.

[fttaewoo-blog]

“tug-of-war” 

miyeon‌, 

“   oppa,   “  she doesn’t bother raising her voice — choosing to speak in a honeyed purr as her hands begin to gingerly caress taewoo’s jaw. she knows iseul’s paying attention to her now.  “   have i told you tonight how handsome you look ?    “

he lost count after the fifth time the pair had broken apart and gotten together; taewoo had found himself turning into a broken record, forcing the same condolences and congratulations out every month or so. romance was often something he daydreamed about, but never something he could quite understand. movies, dramas, and books made it seem so easy -- like it only took a chance encounter to find your soulmate -- but in real life? love was so much more difficult to navigate -- miyeon and iseul were living proof. and now that he found himself right in the middle of it all, it was becoming a nuisance.

“this is the song,” he had the usb with static’s new title track already plugged into iseul’s computer and starting to play. iseul had been in the business longer, has written a lot more songs than him, and -- obviously -- had way more experience. even if that wasn’t the case, why wouldn’t he want to show his new song to one of his close friends? “like it so far?” eyes wavered a bit, alcohol feeding his insecurities. taewoo hadn’t mentioned that he wrote the lyrics while thinking of lina, but anyone close to him (and knew about his crush) could tell in an instant. there was no denying that taewoo was head over in heels in like with her and, if he was honest, he was a little worried about how obvious it seemed.

the whole night was going good, too, (well, as good as it could go with iseul and miyeon having another tiff). a great amount of alcohol, fine company, delicious snacks, peace and quiet from responsibilities from idol life, and then -- as luck would have it -- miyeon sitting herself down onto his lap.

“handsome?” he kept his hands to himself, placing them on either side of the chair he was on. being uncomfortable with physical contact and being around miyeon when she wanted to make iseul jealous just didn’t work out -- it was as if he was fresh meat stuck in a lion cage. eyes wandered towards iseul, a mix of ‘help me’, ‘sorry’, and ‘not again’, before snapping back to miyeon, “have i ever told you that you should get your eyes checked?”

[fttaewoo-blog]

💐

💐 / how taewoo takes care of himself while in a slump

it’s not as often as it used to be, falling into a spell of deep sadness, but it creeps up on him sometimes (more often than he would like to admit).

taewoo, ever since a young have, has had a lot of emotions, but rarely knew exactly how to process them. before, he would simply mope around until whatever had made him sad or angry or upset in any way was either resolved or until he simply got over it. nowadays, he deals with things a lot better.

someone once advised him that instead of doing nothing with these emotions, that he should turn them into something productive instead. taewoo’s way of taking care of himself is expressing himself through lyrics and songs, locking himself either in his room or a studio somewhere in verve creative where he can write and write and write. sometimes these songs – or scraps of songs – turn out to be wonderful, pieces that he’ll keep in his song book and perhaps show others (like the song “it will be okay” he used for hyena on the keyboard). other songs that were written are tossed aside, either too real, too true, or just horrible.

although some may say that turning to work to relieve stress or depression isn’t exactly a great thing to do, he’ll do it anyways.

[winkbot]

Giggly Kang Daniel ♡

[fttaewoo-blog]

hajoon‌,

[ msg to taewoo hyung ⇝ SENT 2:21am ] wow, me and my noodle arms are offended [ msg to taewoo hyung ⇝ SENT 2:22am ] you have no faith in me, hyung [ msg to taewoo hyung ⇝ SENT 2:23am ] caterpillars are the bears of the bug world, i think i can take ‘em [ msg to taewoo hyung ⇝ SENT 2:24am ] are you implying that you’re ugly? i mean, i’m not gonna fight you on that one, i’ve seen you when you wake up in the morning. i’m surprised the mirrors at the dorm haven’t cracked yet ㅋㅋㅋ [ msg to taewoo hyung ⇝ SENT 2:25am ] i’m tired but i can’t seem to fall asleep, idk why

outgoing ➟ hajoon ↻ — can you take a bear in the human world? ↻ — we already know the answer.. so would you be able to take a caterpillar in the bug world? ↻ — you know what, if you win against a caterpillar, i’ll propose to jun hyoseung at our comeback showcase ↻ — :----( i Am ugly, but that doesn’t mean you can make Fun of me, noodle boy  ↻ — maybe if you pick up a book, you’ll fall asleep.. since you don’t read anyway, you’ll get bored easy

[fttaewoo-blog]

mayday,

[fttaewoo-blog]

siyeon,

&

despite that, she couldn’t truthfully say that she talked to any of them very much so she wasn’t sure if taewoo had approached her out of concern or because he wanted something. “did you need something from me?”

as soon as her eyes opened, he retracted his hand, placing it on his knee as he crouched down. living as an idol wasn’t exactly a walk in the park -- instances like this just proves it. exhaustion was only one piece of the puzzle, there was always so much more that went into everything than just being tired. taewoo knew that -- he had been there himself and seen countless others there, too -- but he also knew that staying in this kind of place (out in the open) in this kind of state wasn’t exactly the best place to be.

he let out an awkward laugh to her statements, unsure of really what to say. if there was one thing ryu taewoo was good at, it was being unsure of himself. of course it could be better and no, he really didn’t need anything from her: he was just there to see if she was alright. and -- upon further review -- he concluded that this was the wrong move to make, that he should have just minded his own business, that this was pretty weird. but taewoo was here now and although he could retreat, he had already dug himself too deep.

“uh -- sorry -- i just,” he stood back up, fixing the mic pack tucked in a back pocket. “do you need some water or something?” god, how he just wanted to leave, yet taewoo stood there, hands finishing fiddling with the mic pack and then hanging at his sides unsure of what to do or what to hold. “it just seemed like you needed some help -- oh, i can go get your manager if you want?” although he had already came to the conclusion that there was no way to safely get himself out of this situation -- even though he wanted to leave right then and there -- he also came to the conclusion that bailing himself out of any other awkward situation that would stem from his poor decision would also be impossible. and so, he was just going with it, hoping for the best. 

[fttaewoo-blog]

poison or love,

[fttaewoo-blog]

lina‌,

she can only imagine the backlash         but she’s been playing everything so safely for years, overly cautious at every step. people sneak around like this all the time, she knows it happens, she’s seen it happen, but lina isn’t people. lina does everything she’s told to do, and yet she sends the second half of her message anyways.

outgoing ➟ taewoo ↻ — we probably won’t be able to chat like this for a while because of all the funny timezones i’ll be in ↻ — it’ll be weird not to talk to you before bed 

to anyone else, this insolite interaction wasn’t all that insolite -- even though he would isolate himself (just him, this goofy grin, and his cellphone) it was really all he needed in these short moments. and he knew how that sounded, too: desperate. but was he? or was it just a simple infatuation that he couldn't seem to shake? either way he’d keep his phone close just in case lina messaged him, like now: phone again resting on his chest as he waited for the familiar buzz to sink into his skin.

‘it’ll be weird not to talk to you before bed’ she said -- how much more could his heart take? taewoo took the blanket that plagued him with heat and covered himself under it, freely letting his smile work itself across his face as he moved to lay on his side.

taewoo had a problem with hisitating, with trying to navigate a situation to make things not awkward (which, most always, backfired and became awkward), but he was dedicated to not ruin this. yet perhaps it was because it was late and he was tired that he was feeling like taking just a tiny risk and not deleting the message he composed. it’s fine to let things slip sometimes, right?

outgoing ➟ lina 💕 ↻ — we can always talk before you go to bed, even while you’re on tour ↻ — depending on where you are, your night will be my day, and sometimes your night will be my morning ↻ — i’ll make sure i’m awake for you ↻ — because i’d miss talking to you

as soon as he sent the messages, he turned off his screen and set his phone face down next to him, closing his eyes and praying this wasn’t too much, that it wasn’t going to go over the edge. god, if only he didn’t have roommates, he would probably kick his blanket around to try and dispel some of the energy that had built up. yet here he was, fighting himself within himself (and hoping he wasn’t making a fool of himself).

[fttaewoo-blog]

it will be okay,

hyena on the keyboard ep. 1, interview

the fault lies with his grandparents, they were the ones who got him into music, who taught him to play guitar, who showed him the world of poetry, and the ones who said being a singer could save them all.

taewoo sat in the designated chair, fingers molding together in a nervous bunch. this was only his second time filming something without the rest of static by his side; at least the last show he was on (the return on superman) wasn’t as private, personal, and revealing as this. taewoo was -- for lack of understanding the correct emotions he was experiencing -- afraid.

when and what was the first song you wrote?

“the first song?” he repeated the question, mind retracing his musical life up until that point to try and figure out exactly what was the first song (and when). and, if he was honest, he couldn’t truly remember. taewoo had always hummed along to melodies that he made up in his head or made up lyrics to sing to inanimate objects as he was growing up -- it wasn’t strage, none were written down, all were impromptu, nothing was concrete. it wasn’t until an unwavering crush that he actually began writing down lyrics and notes that flow together.

“i think the first song i wrote was in middle school for a -- uh -- a girl i had a crush on; i don’t particularly remember what it was about, though,” and that much is true, he doesn’t remember the specifics. he does, though, also remember writing a song for a school project, but that isn’t as interesting.

did they always like creating music or where they pushed to try it?

that much is obvious: “i’ve always liked creating music and was never pushed, just encouraged by my family.” he smiled haphazardly, reminiscing about the conversations he used to have with his grandpa about making music, learning the guitar from him, and listening to his grandma recite poem after poem. it’s odd, but if he could go back to that time, he would. he would ask them so many questions that he never got around to, listen to so many stories that he was unable to hear. he’d live through every horrible thing he has gone through over and over again just to get more time with them.

where do they get their inspiration?

“really, from anything around me, or emotions i’ve experienced or thought about experiencing,” mostly love, right? that’s the majority of pop songs anyway. and it’s safe to say that he has never been in full-bloom love, but he’s gotten close.

what kind of artists do they wish to emulate?

this was a tough question -- there are so many great artists out there, was he able to pinpoint just a few? “although i really love and respect a lot of senior artists, i want to be seen as someone with my own unique color,” a good enough answer, right? although hyuk oh is a band he simply cannot get enough of (and working with them on a song would be beyond his wildest dreams).

what kind of emotions/feelings should one get from listing to their songs?

“i believe that art is interpreted by the viewer, or in this case, the listener -- whatever someone feels while listening to my music is what they feel, they shouldn’t have to have specific emotions in order to enjoy it,” but he does want people to feel at peace, or loved, or wanted, or needed, or all of the above and then some. because he doesn’t feel those things himself sometimes, and if he could give them to others, then that would be more than enough.

[fttaewoo-blog]

confession,

schedule 02, turning in lyrics for upcoming comeback

it was pretty weird, wasn’t it?

taewoo had written these lyrics, at first, as something to simply get them out of his head, out of his veins, out of his heart. instead, though, they turned into a full-fledged song, and then into a melody that matched that of one another member of static was working on. before he could grasp on exactly what was going on, “shine” was born: it went from something he had hoped to keep close to himself to something he was submitting to the company for their upcoming comeback (and soon after that, it had been decided that “shine” was going to be used as the title song).

how was he supposed to feel? this song was meant to be a confession to lina -- his true, honest feelings being pushed out to the public, forever engraved into the world not just through a song, but in a music video and countless promoted stages, too.

taewoo felt naked. how was he going to come to terms with what exactly was going on? how long was he going to keep this secret of his before it all came out and exploded?

he was going to have to confess to lina, wasn’t he.

he was laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling while wondering how exactly to go about everything. there were a lot of ways the upcoming months could go, many of which were awful and never something he could wish for.

way 1: he begs that the song never sees the light of day and everything can be avoided way 2: the song is released, but he pleads to not credit his name to the lyrics, so everything can be avoided way 3: the song is released with his credit for writing the lyrics, but he never brings it up to lina, they can remain friends (or whatever they are right now) and everything will be fine way 3: the song is released with his credit and lina asks about it, he avoids confirming that he wrote the song while daydreaming about her way 4: the song is released with his credit and lina asks about it, he tells the truth and she avoids him at all costs because he made it weird way 5: the song is released with his credit and lina asks about it, he tells the truth and she is ok with it, but doesn’t feel the same, so now it’s awkward way 6: the song is released with his credit and lina asks about it, he tells the truth and she says that she likes him too but doesn’t want to date way 7: the song is released with his credit and lina asks about it, he tells the truth and she says she likes him too and they start dating way 8: the song is released with his credit and lina asks about it, he tells the truth and they start dating but it comes out to the public and ruins both of their careers way 9: the song is released with his credit and he tells lina the truth, she now avoids him at all costs way 10: the song is released with his credit and he tells lina that the song is about her, they start dating, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after while doing everything they want to in life

god, how bad he wants the last option to come true. god, how bad it is that it is a one in a million chance of coming true.

is it worth risking everything?

[fttaewoo-blog]

everybody knows,

[fttaewoo-blog]

hajoon,‌

&

he runs a hand through his hair a second time and shrugs his shoulders, humming out. “whoever the girl is must be really special. like they put the sun and stars in the sky or some cheesy shit like that,” he laughs again. “i mean, hypothetically speaking. i’ve never felt that way towards anyone before.”

showing work is always nerve wracking: not for the fear if it isn’t good enough, not for the fear that whomever is reading simply wouldn’t understand, but because showing work like this -- work that is from the heart -- is like showing someone your soul. even as someone as close to taewoo as hajoon was sending every fiber into a nervous fit.

at this point, the fact that taewoo was infatuated with someone was not really a secret; the constant buzzing of his phone -- even though the middle of the night -- with a dorky smile attached whenever he would read a message was telling enough. at least to taewoo, it was still a secret to others. and so for him to admit his feelings in song form (and for them to be read by someone else) was as if his secret was now being unraveled.

“it is kinda sad,” yeah, it really was, but it was more honest than anything. taewoo looked up at hajoon who was standing at this point, eyes meeting the others then falling soon after. there was so much that he wanted to say, so much that had festered inside of him to the point where he was ready to burst at the seems, yet was it alright to finally let it all out? taewoo let himself fall backwards on the bed, book in hand and then resting on his chest as his hands went to cover his face (hoping to hide the smile that was forming), “she is. really, really special.” he got ahold of himself, though, and wiped away the smile as his fingers left his skin, “you really haven’t felt like that before?” he said, almost in disbelief. of all the years that hajoon had been alive, was there really no one that he felt giddy over? no one whose existence made his day better?

he propped himself back up again, ankles crossing, “sounds like a lie. but if this is you confessing to me,” -- a hand was placed over his heart -- “i have feelings for someone else.”