N͏ E͏ R͏ O͏

Here you go again

"What, I'm not allowed to speak my mind? Was I just supposed to be quiet about it?"

Nope, couldn’t do it. “No, you’re being a jerk.”

No getting through to him like this and her own temper was already flared, and about to back away from this whole thing she’s reeled right back in.

“Bullshit you support me. bullshit, Josh!” She whirled back on him. “I told you nothing was set in stone.

All I said was that I’d gotten the acceptance letter. That’s it. Forgive me for getting- excited about it.

If you don’t want me to go, you should just say so.

Instead of accuse me of sleeping with my boss.”

"—Oh come on, so that I can be the bad guy?? I tell you not to go and you'll listen?" yeah right.

"I'm not going to do that. If you leave that is your choice. Don't put that on me."

Andrew was going to get murdered. Why did he let them get into his head..

"Me cheering you on, being happy that you got that letter- That was sincere. But you'll be two thousand miles away. For a year."

How was that fun?

"I'm sorry I asked you about Andrew. I guess I just... Wouldn't have blamed you if you had."

you hear him

that voice. he's fighting to get out.

#drabble

Not going to feel bad about it. “Because it was part of your job.” Right? Even with what he’d told her.

But now he’s making this about leaving Bernadette and she has to put that aside for a moment along with nothing being set in stone- because excuse her, if that felt wildly unfair.

“You understand how huge this opportunity is?” For her, for anyone.

“This has been my dream.

My work, not yours. It doesn’t involve fucking other people.”

As for leaving Bernie behind?

“Who says I can’t bring her?”

Her dreams. Yeah she'd had plenty of those. And she had pulled him along to make them come true for her.

' it doesnt involve fucking other people '

A heavy sigh left him, dragging a hand down his face. But he couldn't help scoff at the idea of her taking Bernie with her.

"Your dream? Fantastic. But maybe you should've thought about that before you decided to bring a kid into your world.

So, sure. Go ahead. Take her with you. You have experience being a single mother, shouldn't be too hard this time around.

Just don't hide behind your sister to talk to me about visiting rights again."

Where in the hell was all of this coming from? It was very quickly spinning out of hand, and the words from both of them were becoming ones they couldn’t take back—

Single mother?? Until minutes ago she’d thought he was being supportive of this idea.

You know what?

“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

Nowhere good, this was going nowhere good.

"Wh— You can't talk?

What is that supposed to mean? Like what, like I'm frustrated that you made another decision for the both of us and that I have no control or say in what happens??

Listen, go ahead, follow your dreams. I support you."

Not going to feel bad about it. “Because it was part of your job.” Right? Even with what he’d told her.

But now he’s making this about leaving Bernadette and she has to put that aside for a moment along with nothing being set in stone- because excuse her, if that felt wildly unfair.

“You understand how huge this opportunity is?” For her, for anyone.

“This has been my dream.

My work, not yours. It doesn’t involve fucking other people.”

As for leaving Bernie behind?

“Who says I can’t bring her?”

Her dreams. Yeah she'd had plenty of those. And she had pulled him along to make them come true for her.

' it doesnt involve fucking other people '

A heavy sigh left him, dragging a hand down his face. But he couldn't help scoff at the idea of her taking Bernie with her.

"Your dream? Fantastic. But maybe you should've thought about that before you decided to bring a kid into your world.

So, sure. Go ahead. Take her with you. You have experience being a single mother, shouldn't be too hard this time around.

Just don't hide behind your sister to talk to me about visiting rights again."

Elena.

See, she had a feeling this was where it was coming from. “—I am upset, that you’re even asking me.

No, Miles. I did not sleep with him.

Would it make you feel better about Elena if I did?”

And yet she's not answering the question—

That, fucking name.

Caught off guard and feeling guilt for causing her to revert back to those days, he paused his interrogation.

Perhaps he should back off. Her reaction was kind of enough of an answer.

"..no. I told you," he sighed, "I'm not going to feel bad about that." though he would, forever feel like shit for what Julia had been put through.

"You're just suddenly moving across the country, leaving Bernie when you were hellbent on never doing that again."

Excuse her-?

Well this had taken a far different turn than she’d been expecting. Excuse her. Did she sleep with Andrew?

Fixing her husband with an exacting look, she stared at him a long, long moment. Refraining from answering,

partially because she didn’t quite know what cruelty could exit her mouth just then.

“What makes you think I would do that?”

The look she was giving him told him plenty. He'd seen it many times before.

She was pissed.

And he's unable to hold his gaze on her again, looking down at their child who was completely unaware of what was happening between her parents.

' what makes you think i would do that '

Because according to her, he did it to her first.

"I don't know. Why does anyone do that?"

Finally looking up at her, there is an almost acceptance in his eyes.

"So. Did you?"

Evasive and cagey.

Something had gotten him very much into his head about this. Andrew? She didn’t know. She could clear this up in an instant, only offended, Julia didn’t think she should have to.

Why does anyone do that?

“That’s not a question for me.” Because that wasn’t her. Never had been. But now he’s looking at her with this kind of readiness, liked he’s braced to hear the truth of the matter.

Incensed and bewildered.

“What possible reason have I given you to ask me this?” She demanded, untying her apron she tossed it on the couch and walked across the room with a harsh shake of her head.

“Hm?”

' that's not a question for me '

Right.

He watched her walk away, cleary upset. But he can't help but wonder if there's another reason for it than just about him asking.

Possible reasons - there were a few.

Getting to his feet, Josh stepped away from the happy child to follow Julia out of earshot.

"You're still upset about... Elena. Maybe?

Or it just, happened."

Excuse her-?

Well this had taken a far different turn than she’d been expecting. Excuse her. Did she sleep with Andrew?

Fixing her husband with an exacting look, she stared at him a long, long moment. Refraining from answering,

partially because she didn’t quite know what cruelty could exit her mouth just then.

“What makes you think I would do that?”

The look she was giving him told him plenty. He'd seen it many times before.

She was pissed.

And he's unable to hold his gaze on her again, looking down at their child who was completely unaware of what was happening between her parents.

' what makes you think i would do that '

Because according to her, he did it to her first.

"I don't know. Why does anyone do that?"

Finally looking up at her, there is an almost acceptance in his eyes.

"So. Did you?"

This was getting frustrating, and they couldn’t seem to line up- answer one another directly. Was it the job he was upset about? Her closeness with Andrew?

Julia stepped to the side, frowning as she took a seat on the couch to listen to him shift from one topic to the next.

Taking his last statement as reassurance, she gave a small smile of her own and nodded. Was that what he was worried about? “I won’t be.” She promised.

“I’m good at meeting people and, I’ll have you.” No matter where she went, right?

“…I’d miss you, though. A whole year.” She puffed out a breath between her full lips. “That’s a long time.”

It was his fault, he knew this, for not being clear. For not explaining what was bothering him, because Julia wasn't picking up on his meaning.

He just also knew that if he did say something, it would probably be the wrong thing and this whole thing would get cranked up a thousand notches.

"—Did you sleep with Andrew?"

Yeah. Just like that.

Like an animal in a cage

yeah that's it.

Trapped.

Is that the feeling? Claustrophobic. When everythings closing in on you, when it's all coming at you all at once.

hello again. i've been expecting you.

#drabble

Huh. Couldn’t seem to get him to look at her straight. She followed his gaze over to their daughter, her hand dropping away from his arm she reached easily for his cheek.

Brushed her thumb against it.

What was up in that head of his?

A frown at his description of events, trying to follow. “…Nothing’s settled.” She murmured. “Should I, take that to mean you’re not interested in coming with?”

Alone with Bernie while she was out meeting people.

“Meeting people is kind of part of the gig, Josh.” She reminded.

Giving away a quick smile at her touch, he was a little bothered by the question.

Move to California? What was he supposed to do there, for a whole year...?

"Is it?" he thought cooking food was the whole gig. "Too bad you couldn't have come up with that idea before..."

Before Bernie. Before buying all these toys, for a child, for their child, who he spent many days taking care of while Julia was at work.

And now, he was just supposed to be okay with it — in California.

"But yeah. I get it.

It's part of the gig." acceptance in his expression, it was a conflict with what was going on inside.

"Yeah you'll.. meet new people. You won't be lonely."

When am I gonna learn When will it be my turn That everything I do Takes a toll on you

I keep swinging Back and forth But then you hold me Keep me tethered

chaosdujour

"Oh, mate,"

So much for Josh's confident answer, Andrew was too surprised by the question to keep his laughter in.

"You gotta ask your wife about that. Unless you don't trust what she says."

Sure, he could just be upfront. But this was way more fun. And maybe he wanted the guy to squirm, a little payback for what he did to Julia.

"I gotta tell you, this is not a good look on you."

Josh is about ten seconds away from punching the guy in the face.

Ask Julia about it.

Sure.

He's not sure what he'd expect more; a lie or the truth about there having been something between the two chefs.

"What look. Hm?"

It's all in the muscle memory, an automatic reflex when it came to protecting himself, and wanting the rest of the world to shut the fuck up - he almost got right in Andrew's face, looking down at the other. His hands balled up into fists.

"Unless you want to see another side of me I suggest we stop this conversation right now.

Mate."

#chaosdujour

Julia turned, a questioning look on her face to see Josh watching Bernadette play with her blocks.

A package deal, huh?

“We are close.”

Matter of fact. They’d worked closely together, the work was intense. Julia would call him a good friend.

“No, he’s not coming to California.”

Was that the look of a tense Josh? The wife inched closer, to lay a hand on her husband’s arm. “…What’s up?”

Watching her walk closer, he couldn't keep his eyes trained on her, turning his gaze to the little girl and her blocks instead. Julia was pretty good at reading him and he wanted to avoid that right now, knowing he'd turn into a terrible liar at a blink of her eyes.

An awkward shrug and a shake of his head later, "Nothing.

I uh, ran into him. He mentioned you— You being all the way over there.

He seemed pretty surprised you were going away for so long. That I was.. going to be staying here, alone with Bernie. While you were, meeting people."