The Fault In Our Stars

The weight of a simple human emotion weighs me down. More than the tank ever did. My name is Will. I have two brothers. Carson, and Tyler. We're not the same, so refrain from confusing one for the other. Sometimes I think too much, and I make myself mad. Sometimes I don't think enough, and I ruin every good thing I've ever had. The pain; it's determined and demanding to ache. But I'm okay.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

William Shane

Yes literally that is I.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Have you ever kissed Tyler any where? Or held his hand or something cute like that?

I kiss his face all the time. Like his cheeks and stuff, and his forehead. Because he’s a fucking cutie.

I hold his hand when we cuddle; if he lets me. Sometimes he might pull away, I don’t know. But yeah, we do things or whatever.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Text Messages || Liam

K: Hm. Well. Being that you're not going to be making out with me any time soon, perhaps you should just try speaking with words. At least with me.

K: It really is, though. I'm an adult and I still can't fully control my telekinesis. I don't know what's wrong with me and it gets me so upset. Which makes things worse, because my power is based on emotion. Fucking yay. But thanks for the offer to help, anyway.

K: Okay. You're right. It's in the past now. Falling asleep with you and trying to forget about everything else sounds perfect at the moment, so. Expect me there in a minute~

K: Everything /will/ be okay. We'll help each other get through it. I promise.

Liam: Well, you know.

Liam: Not everyone can. You just need to practice. You'll get better at it because you're freakishly perfect at everything else that you do.

Liam: And you're not leaving this time, either.

Liam: Cheesy; but very, very cute.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Text Messages || Liam

K: You're my friend, Liam. You mean something to me. So, you might as well have asked me to punch myself. There would've been no difference.

K: Well, I'm not like other people. I don't know if you noticed that..

K: I'm not sure what to do, either. I don't even know why I'm here anymore, because the mastery of my power is the same from when I was 14. How pathetic is that.

K: And I almost cost me our friendship.

Liam: I've noticed that. I just never know what to say. Speaking with words has never been my strong point. Do you think it would be a bad idea to not have a relationship at all, and just make out with everyone all the time because it seems to work well enough for other people?

Liam: Hey. No. It's not pathetic. Sometimes things need work, but that's okay. I'd help you out, but. I'm the one in the middle, son.

Liam: Don't worry about that, okay? It's done. It's over with. We're completely fine, and you can come back over here for the third time and we can pass out on the floor because it's late and I'm half asleep and you're really warm, or I can come over there and help you clean up, and everything will be better in the morning.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Text Messages || Liam

K: I'm sorry. But having you ask me repeatedly to punch you in the head didn't really help matters, much..

K: Why couldn't you have just told me that? I would've understood and we could've ended it there and had those cuddles and ate the marshmallows like our night was orignally planned for.

K: Define 'hurt'.

Liam: I didn't say that I wanted to punch you in the head, or that you should punch yourself. How would that indicate me not wanting you around? I wanted you to slug me in the face for being an idiot and once again ruining everything because I don't think before I do things.

Liam: Because apparently; just telling people stuff isn't that great of an idea.

Liam: That pretty much answers my question. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do anymore, and I want to help, but I'm the one that fucked things up.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Text Messages || Liam

K: Because I didn't want to ruin the fuck out of your cabin. Or accidentally harm you in the process.

K: And it didn't seem like you wanted me around anymore.

Liam: That's not what it sounded like.

Liam: I'm just trying to figure things out, and I can't, and it's frustrating.

Liam: Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?

[muses-ofthe-bug]

Did I tell you that you had to?

Because honestly, if I remember correctly, I said I’d give you room. I told you I would be there regardless, I just didn’t want to know things. Or did you forget already? I caved, gave in, threw in the fucking towel. I was helping! I tried to make myself go away for a while. I was perfectly fine giving you space, and leaving you and the meercat to your musings. Sure, I’d prolly be a bit hurt or whatever at first, but I would get over it. That part doesn’t matter. I’m done talking about this, okay? I’ll be around if you need me. 

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

I never said that you said anything.

But that anon was right. Why am I not with you when you write me songs and go out of your way to make sure that I'm okay, even when I am, because you just need to know. Why am I not with you when we tell each other everything, and you know what nobody else does, and you keep me safe, and we have a fort, and we sing together, and we understand each other, and why am I not with you when you make me so fucking happy? I don't have an answer to that. I don't want to be that guy, I only wanted to be your guy, but I can't have it both ways and I'm sorry for that.

We don't have to talk about it anymore, but I need you. So please stick around.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Text Messages || Liam

K: I'm really going to miss you. I hope you know that.

Liam: You're the one that just decided it was time to get up and walk away with your 'goodnight and goodbye' shit.

Liam: But yeah. I'll miss you, too.

[muses-ofthe-bug]

You’re right. People do that. You have every right. For what it’s worth, if I have, I’m sorry. If you truly think that, you’re fucking wrong. But you know what, I’m not going to get into that right now. Like I said, leave me out of conversations if it’ll make things easier. You don’t have to worry about me at all. You’ve been getting enough shit, and really, all I want to do right now is just fucking disappear. Worry about YOU. You want to be okay with that, you don’t see me jumping down your throat do you? I’m just trying to fucking give everyone a wide girth from me right now, and people can’t take the hint. 

Making things better for me? How exactly? And what promise was that?

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

I can't choose between you and Sebastian, and that's what this whole thing is about.

I figure if I push all feelings away; then people can be alright. They won't have to feel sad, or rejected, and they won't have to feel like anyone was better than them because some stupid guy couldn't make up his mind about what he wanted, especially when he wanted them both to be happy. I don't know what I'm doing, Eli. I don't want to walk away from you, and I said that I never would, but I also promised that I'd do anything I could to make things better for you. I'm pretty sure that's when you started liking me in the first place. I just want everything to be back to normal. I don't care what happens to me. I don't care if I end up alone, or tired, or angry. All I want is for you guys to find someone better. They won't make you feel like I did.

[muses-ofthe-bug]

Alright, pull a me. Whatever. 

Sure. Fine. 

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

What the fuck do you expect me to do? I'm nice to people, right? Because I figure that I could be different, and make someone smile rather than cry, but when you're nice - people take that for granted. They push you until they can't anymore, and that's when you know that they've won. I'm allowed to be angry. I'm allowed to be confused; I didn't understand what anyone saw in me to begin with. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for you, or for Sebastian, or for my left hand, and I was okay with that. I'm okay with that.  

Excuse me for trying to make things better for you. I'm only keeping my promise.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Text Messages || Liam

K: ...alright. I think I've heard enough.

K: Goodnight and goodbye, Will.

Liam: Okay. Bye.

[muses-ofthe-bug]

Thought we agreed the whole lying thing wasn’t kosher. 

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Yeah, except for I'm not lying, Elijah. It doesn't mean anything.

Let it go.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

I'm getting sad because you used to be so nice and now your being mean.

I’m not being mean. I’m a little bit pissed at the moment, but I’m still me.

Just give me a bit, yeah? I need to throw things, and then we can discuss whatever the hell it is that you wanted to converse about. Hopefully that’s okay.

[muses-ofthe-bug]

H-hey. What’s that supposed to mean?

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

It doesn't mean anything.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

How many people do you like then?

Nobody. I don’t like anybody. Now if you would please, just, get the fuck out?

Thanks.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Text Messages || Liam

K: Are you honestly surprised that I'm asking why one minute you're wanting cuddles and the next you're wanting me to punch you in the head?

K: How about you tell me what the hell is wrong.

Liam: Because I'm borderline homicidal at the moment and it'd be a good way to knock my thought process back into place. Or a good way to get stabbed. I don't know; give it a shot and find out.

[muses-ofthe-bug]

That can work for you too, yanno. You can just keep me out of conversations. Makes things easier.

[fuckoffwilliam-blog]

Okay. Is that what you want?