I've Got A Package For Tony Stank

I'm here to watch over my best friend and his super family.

[marvelous-captain-marvel]

@fully-automated-war-machine , @exasperated-grandpa-fury , I’ve finally gotten one of these things so we can chat a little more. How are things on Earth? You haven’t blown up the planet yet, have you?

[fully-automated-war-machine]

How irresponsible do you think I am?

Oh…. by the way, I lost the thing.

[marvelous-captain-marvel]

Of course you did.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

In my defense, Tony found it.

[best-science-dad-tony]

Way to throw me under the bus.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

I throw you beneath it with the utmost love.

[marvelous-captain-marvel]

@fully-automated-war-machine , @exasperated-grandpa-fury , I’ve finally gotten one of these things so we can chat a little more. How are things on Earth? You haven’t blown up the planet yet, have you?

[fully-automated-war-machine]

How irresponsible do you think I am?

Oh…. by the way, I lost the thing.

[marvelous-captain-marvel]

Of course you did.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

In my defense, Tony found it.

[marvelous-captain-marvel]

@fully-automated-war-machine , @exasperated-grandpa-fury , I’ve finally gotten one of these things so we can chat a little more. How are things on Earth? You haven’t blown up the planet yet, have you?

[fully-automated-war-machine]

How irresponsible do you think I am?

Oh.... by the way, I lost the thing.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

Big things in the works for the Barton-Rhodes family.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

@best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint @actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura finish the lyric:

“I don’t want no scrub....”

[fully-automated-war-machine]

@best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint I’m goin over to @former-russian-assassin-bucky and @best-flyguy-sam-wilson to help Sam with his Samhain preparation and fall cooking. Just so you know where I’m at.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

Hey Uncle Rhodey. My actual uncles are shit (one of them is a drug dealer and the other one is a misogynistic ass) so like, thanks for existing.

Oh hun, I’m so sorry. I love you. You’re wonderful.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

Wow. I have?????? The best????? Nephew????

Peter Parker Stark is a gift to the universe. We are all Blessed™ by his presence. I love you @best-science-son-peter

[fully-automated-war-machine]

Wait I just realized I don’t think that means poly, but that’s still really c u t e and I love it

I am poly! And very homosexual. But I love Laura with all of my heart and she’s the REAL superhero of this relationship.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

Who? Bc you deserve to be happy and I need to know who’s ass to kick when they do something they shouldn’t

I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s not necessary. My boyfriend happens to be Clint Barton. Laura Barton is my QPP.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

Are you dating anyone?

As a matter of fact, I am.

[best-science-dad-tony]

So, for various reasons, the 22nd of August was really crazy…so we couldn’t celebrate Peter’s birthday that day. He said he didn’t mind but we couldn’t not celebrate, so…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PETER BENJAMIN PARKER STARK.

You’re an amazing son, and I love you so much, Peter.

Now get down here, and come enjoy your birthday party!

[fully-automated-war-machine]

@best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint bring the kids. @actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura and I will meet you there. Don’t forget the gift, it’s on our dresser.

[best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint]

I’M NOT GONNA FORGET THE GIFT, RHO.

….I’ll be there in 30 instead of 15.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

@actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura your husband is a giant doof

[best-science-dad-tony]

So, for various reasons, the 22nd of August was really crazy…so we couldn’t celebrate Peter’s birthday that day. He said he didn’t mind but we couldn’t not celebrate, so…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PETER BENJAMIN PARKER STARK.

You’re an amazing son, and I love you so much, Peter.

Now get down here, and come enjoy your birthday party!

[fully-automated-war-machine]

@best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint bring the kids. @actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura and I will meet you there. Don't forget the gift, it's on our dresser.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

I’m so glad @actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura is finally on here. Now she can keep my boyfriend in check. He’s been getting out of hand. Geez, @best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint

[best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint]

Excuse you? How am I out of control? Because I enjoy vines? Because I know what the kids think is lit?

[fully-automated-war-machine]

No. Because you used the word “lit” unironically. Among other things

[best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint]

Yo. Yo Rhodey. Rhodey. Babe.

You and Laura are lit af.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

Clinton Barton, you have driven me to Kermit Toaster Bath

@actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura tell the kids I love them. And know your husband has driven me to this point.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

I’m so glad @actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura is finally on here. Now she can keep my boyfriend in check. He’s been getting out of hand. Geez, @best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint

[best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint]

Excuse you? How am I out of control? Because I enjoy vines? Because I know what the kids think is lit?

[fully-automated-war-machine]

No. Because you used the word "lit" unironically. Among other things

[fully-automated-war-machine]

I’m so glad @actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura is finally on here. Now she can keep my boyfriend in check. He’s been getting out of hand. Geez, @best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint

[actual-best-superhero-aunt-laura]

Well, @best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint, I made a tumblr. Happy now? Stop telling our kids I’m old now.

[fully-automated-war-machine]

Laura! We’re so happy to have you here. Run while you can.

@best-hawkeyed-uncle-clint stop calling her old. She’s youthful and radiant. Not like your old ass.