Fragmented Thoughts @fullyjenanigans2 - Tumblr Blog

Who would’ve thought that it would one day be just the two of us, noh Pa?

Mama took such good care of you that all I ever wanted was for the two of you to continue taking care of each other. I never knew I had the strength to withstand and weather life’s storms until Mama lost her battle with CA. I learned it in the hardest way possible.

I remember getting annoyed with you whenever you got sick, too, and for constantly yammering on while Mama was weak and needed to stay in bed.

I was so busy dealing with my own struggles that I forgot you were struggling, too. And I know you still are.

I feel bad about that. I still do. But I understand you now, Pa.

I may not say it often, but I’m thankful that you’re here—for continuing on and for still choosing to be my Papa, even though I know how hard it is to lose the love of your life.

Thank you, Pa. Happy Father’s Day.

How are you up there, Ma? Kilala mo pa kaya ako, Ma? But sometimes I’m ok thinking that you don’t so that you won’t remember how sad your days were when you were sick. Ganun pala yun Ma, ano? Nobody really knows what happens when people passed. There’s just this theory that their memories were being erased when they crossed. Basta if that’s true, ang gusto ko lang masaya ka diyan, even if that entails forgetting me. Pero just in case you do, Ma, here’s a picture of me. 🙂

I dreamt of my messy clothes being left by me because I was upset with you. I left them thinking you would tidy them, but came back with the same state. I guess that’s you telling me that I will now do things on my own. I know, Ma. I know. Pero mas ok sana kung andito ka. 🥲 Mas kaya ko siguro.

Missing you, Ma. You rest well. Rest happily and peacefully there.

I’m not quite sure if I’ve been well during the times that I haven’t keyed in some words. I don’t know, too, if I intentionally keep my thoughts to myself, but nothing comes out every time I try to put them into words. I feel lost.

minimalistquotes

Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you're being disrespected.

a-mind-in-ruins

Every time I'm trying to act heartless, a quiet voice inside me whispers: "this isn't who you are."

futuristic-koala

fatimazainab

Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

Dear God,

Please give me a decent job soon so I could be financially free and I could start a new life.

Love,

A daughter who misses her mom badly that she struggles in everything.

scorpionlafemme

h0lyshift

Lately I just want to exist in a way that feels natural. No over explaining, no performance, just moving through life in a way that makes sense to me. Slower, softer, more intentional. Less about proving, more about being.