Thinking about how Robbie showed up at the Bennett pack having bounced around between packs his whole life, having dated other people, never really feeling at home and tries to kiss Ox because yeah they COULD work and he needs it to work because what else can he offer? A pretty face, a good negotiator, but ultimately feeling hollow, but he can cement himself as someone dating the alpha. As a potential mate for the alpha. He has sex appeal. Then Ox telling him he doesn’t need to do any of that. He’s enough. He’s sexy, sure but none of that matters because just him being him is enough and he’s part of that pack. And even when Joe comes back, and Robbie is feeling insecure, Ox pointedly takes Robbie’s defense whenever possible even against Joe. Not because they’re mates, or Robbie is having sex with him, or doing some other grand gesture, but because Robbie is his to take care of no matter what.
Thinking about Ravensong Robbie, who is slowly falling for Kelly. Kelly who’s not a second, or an Alpha but just a sweet man who makes him feel calm and that scares the shit out of him more than anything. More than losing his virginity, more than any pack he’s tried to be apart of, no. His greatest fear is Kelly Bennett, who seems to appreciate him just being there. How scared he must have been that it was just his personality and ability to take care of him that Kelly cared about and how self conscious Robbie probably felt about his mind but he made Kelly laugh in a room full of people he made only Kelly laugh. And it wasn’t a sex joke or in the context of a peacocking date it was just the two of them bonding over something apparently no one else was.
Thinking about Ravensong Robbie, who’s slowly forming a brotherly bond with Gordo. Gordo who is in the process of finding his own mate, but still finds time to be endeared by this awkward man who showed up in the shop he runs. Robbie who does silly things like order a kuerig for the waiting room, and who should annoy Gordo but doesn’t. Who likes Robbie just for being him. Who defends Robbie to the rival pack (Michelle) who is attempting to snatch him back without even a second thought. Just steps in and protects him. Not because Robbie did anything particularly need or did him any favors just because he’s him and he’s sweet and Gordo secretly doesn’t want to lose him.
Thinking about Heartsong Robbie. Whose memory is wiped, but still keeps Kelly’s stone wolf with him always. Who Michelle and Ezra try to force dates on, and try to get pretty teachers to flirt with him and come onto him. Because what better way to fully wipe his memory than to give him someone to be physical with? The ways he used to try to fit in before the memory wipe, to cement himself in packs. To find a mate. If they just keep trying, they can overcome his memory erasure and bring him back to their pack. But of course it doesn’t work he’s not interested. His soul knows.
Thinking about Shannon and how she thought the best way to communicate her phone number was through a valentine. He’s attractive right? The best way to have him hide information is through a fucking valentine because who would question him having that?
And thinking about Robbie and Kelly. Where the first time they fell in love, he found out about Kelly being ace and it settled something in him. Almost the same way things had felt settled with Ox. He was wanted for him and him alone. For his mind for his personality for just being safe. And goofy and lighthearted. Kelly wanted him regardless of him offering his body or his smooth talking. How Robbie practiced in the mirror his little speech because his words meant more than anything else he could offer and Kelly overhearing and just being so endeared.
And thinking about Robbie falling for Kelly a second time. When how initially he tried flexing and preening and literally thinks about how he knows he’s a good person to be desired as a mate sexually. He hasn’t shown much specific confidence about anything until his physique comes up. How many times has he been just treated like a pretty face and had all of his self esteem, belonging, personhood just attached to how desirable he is. How many packs has he been in where he’s tolerated only as a potential mate? And then Kelly doesn’t CARE! He doesn’t care about all the preening and all the things Robbie used to have to rely on. He just wants Robbie. And sure they kiss and cuddle, and Robbie isn’t himself asexual. He does like sex. But for the second time ever, he’s wanted in spite of that. He never has to question if the only reason he earned his place is because of pretty privilege, or because he’s a good fuck, or because someone wanted to fuck him. He’s just wanted. Their special moment at the end isn’t even sex, it’s Kelly shaving his head. Shaving the hair he probably got so many comments on back in Caswell, but he’s his own man and doesn’t need it.
And thinking about Heartsong Robbie, who’s one of the first to actually ask Gavin in wolf form how he feels about Gordo? Who’s the one who stays to talk to Gordo about Gavin? Even in his amnesiac state, he’s got so much care and empathy for this brotherly duo; this duo who’s connected because of a man who personally victimized him as well. And thinking about how Gordo was the main one looking for him aside from Kelly. And how Gavin was the first to cross the silver line after that bad full moon and say he trusted Robbie? None of these people care about Robbie because they have some desire. They just see him. Really really see him. And how he fucked up, like really fucked up bad and people still wanted him! Still wanted to be close to him and protect him and love him not for any ulterior motive.
And thinking about Brothersong Robbie, who admits he was jealous of Gavin and Gordo, Jealous because for a minute there he was Gordo’s brother. And how precious that must have been pre Kelly and even post Kelly that it’s another person. Another person choosing him for being him and adopting him when both his parents died so long ago and he’s got another person finally who isn’t just eyeing him up for how he might fit in. And Enlightened Robbie saying actually, he understands Gavin and he’s letting go of his jealousy. Because he too once needed someone else to just neeeeedddd him and want to know him. And Gavin has Carter, but he should have Gordo too, and the rest of the pack actually, to know that they don’t only want him because he’s someone’s mate. Because for the longest time Robbie only thought he was good enough if he was someone’s mate, or fuck buddy, or had sex appeal, or sex potential, and he wants to make sure Gavin never feels like that. That Gavin never thinks he’s only in the pack for Carter. Everyone else cares about him too.
And god I need to be sleeping rn but Robbie learning this lesson and then protecting others is so so special and like. Your value is not your sex appeal. It’s how you’re kind to others and help shape others to be kind with you. Thank you TJ for giving us such a lovely complex character, because this was something I needed to hear.