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@calvinmaxfield
julietfarrow:
Juliet; i just had a lady bitch me out because I had the audacity to not serve her 17 year old a long island ice tea on the course Juliet: Dear lord I need the worlds biggest drink or fattest blunt. Juliet: Please tell me your free tonight
calvin: how many ounces is the world’s biggest drink
calvin: and can it be shared with minors on the golf course
calvin: i’m available tonight but i’m hardly free. spending time with me requires a cover charge
giovannirusso:
Location: Employee Lounge.
“Hey,” Gio looked over from where he was topping off his coffee with a nip of whiskey. “You got plans tonight?”
“depends.” calvin quickly chirped though its hardly depending on any factor due to his perpetual loneliness. “you got another nip to spare? that may cloud my judgment enough to make plans with you.”
text 📱 nick
C: tennis question
C: are the skirts a requirement? i've been really trying to work on my serve but the brisk breeze blowing up my hairy legs is wildly distracting
C: also did u and zara hang out last night. jw
closed : @dazcds
location : the valet station
“do you ever feel the unshakable need to ram the cars into each other? sure, it’d be costly but would it be coming out of your pocket? i feel like it’d be the ultimate stress relief. not to mention retaliation against the egos of the rich pricks who come here would be socially and emotionally gratifying. first, we crash their cars. then, the disassembly of their fragile masculinity practically unravels itself.” calvin’s head is on a swivel as he surveys the parking lot, sitting amongst vehicles that are worth more money than he’ll ever get. the chance to see. but he doesn’t exactly have the same motivations as the people who drive them and that’s clear by the spite in his voice. “it’d be like a real life game of gta or park that car, don’t you want to make the violence of video games your reality?”
hghlndsbrtndr:
“For a minute I almost forgot what an arse you are.” His expression dead serious, his tone gave him away as he pulled out the Bud Light and slid it across the counter. “I can deal with the boring drinks as long as my company isn’t boring too.” It was supposed to be a compliment — Calvin was one of the more interesting people around the country club, coming from a rock and roll playing biker that stuck out like a sore thumb. But he couldn’t leave a compliment well enough alone. “Guess I’m shit out of luck with you, huh?”
“that’s kind of endearing that you were able to forget, no matter how fleeting the moment was.” calvin smirked, the upturned corners of his lips an unlikely sight but a right of passage to some. “i’ll try to entertain as much as possible but unfortunately i left my clown shoes in my room.” he shrugged. sometimes it was exhausting for him to be the person that he was. someone that people were so enchanted by, so naturally drawn too yet they feared him just the same. “you know what they say about guys with big feet. it’s a legacy as hard to fill as my big clown shoes. i’m just so naturally disappointing.”
text 📱 ellie
E: noooo you have to eat actual food! that's not good for you anyway, let alone a red bull on an empty stomach?
E: i'm bringing you something, what do you want?
C: some people are picky eaters, this is my version of that
C: you could bring me another red bull
C: maybe some cool ranch doritos
ofrockwood:
with a scrunch of his nose, link represented the doubt emoji in the point five seconds it took for his friend to interrupt himself with a sharp shooter, the golf ball that proceeded to fly high in the air not enough for link to distract his prying thoughts away from what he figured calvin was bound to say — cumin, obviously. love in the form of cumin. ❛ dude, don’t bring math or graphs into this. if you wanna slap down some cold hard facts about golfers & their lost balls, take it up with tiger woods’ ex-wife. i’m sure she’d have a lot to say about how much these sleezeheads get laid & have fun outside of their cookie cutter marriage, ❜ he argued, indulging calvin in his sidebar before they were both back on the same track. at least, the track link was willing to ride on. something reminiscent to a side street, rather than a main highway, as though link was going out of his way to go out of the way of what calvin was implying. ❛ i think you’re mistaking my “sabotage” for something else … ❜ he veered off, lips then upturning into a tense smile when he continued with ( albeit twinged with sarcasm ), ❛ is this about when we “made out”. yknow, last week?? when i pulled a scott pilgrim on you & said ‘i gotta pee on you’ before i like, booked it to the bathroom to hide?? is that it?? ‘cause yeah, i remember all of that, maxfield. thanks for lookin’ out & reminding me to never take my clothes off again. ❜
“tiger woods’ ex wife traded him in an nfl player. football players would be in the top right corner of the graph in the maximum fun and maximum lay category. when do you think the last time tiger got laid was? his ex is pregnant with professional, successful athlete spawn. meanwhile, tiger’s only known for being a.. fore!” now calvin was doing it just for fun even if it wasn’t at all funny. perhaps he was far more conditioned to making trivial jokes that would make the dull-witted people around him laugh. with link, it was different. the comedy, the behavior, the affection or lack there of depending on the day or amount of alcohol in their systems. “joke’s on you, i’d never own up to making a mistake.” the man chimed pointedly with a toothy grin. but link’s recollection of events or the week prior wiped the smile off his face, opting more so for a humbled grin. “i told you it was fine. tequila makes everyone get naked.” calvin tossed the ball back, expecting him to scramble to catch it. “i just thought you were throwing up because you drank too much. i didn’t know you had a case of the butterflies, link. you could have just said that.”
text 📱 ellie
E: well aren't you a charmer 😊
E: no no no, you're squidward, i'm spongebob
E: but i could swing by if you'd like some company!! what do you want for lunch?
C: nah, just know what you wanna hear.
C: i can carve out an hour or two, just don't tell the chef
C: i'm going to have a half pack of marb reds and a red bull for lunch. i'm more concerned about what we're doing at lunch time
oflibbys:
“whatever you made for table 12, i want that. might have been the most beautiful i’ve ever laid eyes on, truly.” that was one of the things that she had always enjoyed about working in a country club, the food was better than most places. the wealthy clientele only expected the best, and that’s certainly what they got at the end of it. she wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise, so at least she could pretend for a moment that she did. “well my personality thanks you dearly,” she grinned. “he’s got the right idea about you. but no, he’s actually scary. he yelled at me once because i had stepped into the kitchen for a literal second, and that’s why i can only talk to you through the confines of this window. it’s a tragedy, really.”
“i can think of something more beautiful.” calvin winked for the sole purpose of seeing her smile not because he actually meant it. the plate he put out was pretty beautiful. “well, your personality is polite. you - not so much. make me this. no, calvin. i won’t go on a date with you that. you might be my least favorite person besides the dishwasher who steals the trash bags and brings them home to pick through.” in the midst of their conversation, he’d begun on the girl’s chicken piccata as requested. the act was so mindless, much like this job as a whole. the kitchen was a well oiled machine with little room for error if you did it enough. “well, you shouldn’t have stepped on the line. you stay over there and i’ll stay here. starcrossed lovers. the front of house and kitchen manager don’t want to see us together, baby.”
shellmckinney:
ON SOME NIGHTS, when she didn’t want to go home, shelly stayed at work to ‘ ensure everything was in working order. ‘ code word for being antsy and fucking about. it wasn’t completely unheard of, she had the keys to the gate and she did clean up if she thought of it ( which wasn’t often ) so she thought she was justified as long as this didn’t end in a crime scene. and did she sometimes let her friends hang out, too ? yeah. sue her. she’s actually cleaning tonight, running the net through the pool when she hears a familiar voice. her head tilts up, squinting to see through the darkness. ‘ hey, loser, ‘ she replies, affectionately, her face stretching into a smile. ‘ are you bribing me, maxfield ? ‘ she asks, faux offended, eyeing him then the bag. as if on cue, her stomach rumbles and she drops the shtick, reaching out and making a grabbing gesture for the bag through the fence, then goes to unlock it. ‘ ugh, i’m so fucking hungry, i haven’t gotten dinner yet, gimme, ‘ she muses, as she lets him in. ‘ don’t skinny dip. don’t run. and if you crack your head open, i am not cleaning that up. ‘
“no, no. i’m just telling you what the chicken said.” calvin says, features feigning innocence with doe eyes that flickered despite their darkness. he lets the bag turnover into her hands with much argument before slipping behind the fence to join her. “did you lose your manners when you got that whistle? you’re welcome.” manners were hardly something he valued, rarely did he ever say please or thank you. but rather did he want her to say it out of his own selfishness. “what if i’m packing on a beer gut? it’s not skinny dipping technically. it’s like.. mid-sized dunking.” the man makes his way over to the pool’s ledge and begins to kick off his nonslip shoes. aching feet dip themselves into the water that is surprisingly warm. “either this water is freshly pissed in or it’s heated, either way i don’t mind a bit.”
ofrockwood:
luckily for calvin, link’s thoughts went straight toward this kid’s a fan of the cult classic too?? instead of regarding the other as a theatre nerd, the curly haired boy’s fascination with all things movies & television naturally skewing him away from the fact that broadway existed. which was why he rolled his eyes & brushed his friend off, not denying that he’d used heather chandler’s famous quote one too many times while being scared from the side or behind. ❛ okayokay, guess we’re not sugarcoating that, ❜ he said in reference to calvin’s suggestion, his line of sight dropping down to the ball in the other’s hand before he was swiftly looking back up. ❛ y’know i’d never refuse a beer — ‘specially if you’re buying. so … ❜ he shrugged, acting casual. ❛ i promise to be the best non-date you’ll have tonight. or if this is a major wingman alert, i can be that too, bud. ❜
“if you want to sugarcoat it, i guess we could say we’re making love. but only the love is just in the form of cu--” calvin’s eyes grew distracted by a golfer hitting his ball just a few feet away from them, impulsively shooting the man a thumbs up. he didn’t know the first thing about sports in general. but golf just seemed like the bottom of the totem pole. “golf’s so stupid. if on the x-axis you have ‘sports that get you laid’ and on the y-axis you have ‘sports that are fun to play’, golf would be in very bottom left of the grid. all alone. just like all these douchebags whose highlight of their lives is coming here once a week.” calvin explained before replying to what link had actually said. he had a tendency of doing that, especially when it came to their odd dynamic. “yeah, i’ll send you in if i want to hook-up with a girl. you stammered and getting all sweaty palmed will definitely get me laid. if you want to come home with me, just ask. you don’t need to sabotage my chances with women to do so.”
luvargas:
*
“ THE DUMPSTER IS THAT WAY, calvin, ” lu retorts as she places the weights back in their place, convinced the entire ordeal of their breakup was still totally, completely, not at all her fault. “ any reason you’re stinking up the room with your neanderthal libido ? ‘cause if you’re just here to perpetuate your disgusting objectification onto my clients, then you can very much go fuck off. ”
“i know where the dumpster is. how could i forget? that’s where i put the shoe stash you left in my closet.” clavin jokes though his voice conveys sincerity. not growing up. with much, it wasn’t like him to mess with someone else’s possessions. especially not his ex’s in a petty rage. “i thought this was just the place for it. after all, isn’t this where you swindle testosterone fueled, rich juiceheads away from their wives and into your dungeon in order to swipe their gold cards and keep yourself young with bloodletting leech facials?” calvin longwindedly asks as he steps around her to scoop up a weight. he mocks the men that he’s seen here in the mirror by flexing his muscles as he speaks to lu, peering at her through the looking glass ahead. “you call in perpetuating, i call it motivating.” he smirks. “i need a favor.”
lennon-notlemon:
Lennon grasped her chest in full feign of disdain, “Oh now I’m going to cry Calvin. That one. After all these years really was the last straw good going.” she quivered her lip. “You know I can’t believe you even still work here if you hate it so much. Trust me seeing you smug face every summer hasn’t been the highlight of my life so how about we just avoid each-other at all cost like we’ve been? Deal.” she said firmly. Her blood starting to boil. Lennon was usually so sweet and kind to the staff but something about him just made her want to blow a gasket. Maybe it was his smug face or the cockiness but it just amplified her mood. It wasn’t even like there was on incident that set this feud off no enemy origin story to tell. “Yes actually your presence about a good 100 miles from me.” she sighed in frustrated. “Wow drinking on the job too? God you-” she let out a huffy breath. “Maybe I shouldn’t even eat this.” she held up the container. “Knowing you it’s probably poison?”
“i could never be so lucky. you’re still living to speak in that shrill tone after all.” calvin didn’t appreciate her sarcasm. sarcasm wasn’t meant to be a comedic device and calvin didn’t find the redhead to be the least bit amusing. the only time she could elicit a chuckle from him was on the days she would say something drenched in entitlement that he’d chuckle at out of spite. “i have a passion to serve, what can i say? there’s nothing i’m more proud of than cooking food that gets fed on a silver spoon into your enfranchised mouth.” his words didn’t exactly cater to her proposition, more so to her question of what he was still doing here. it wasn’t that he wanted to be here by any means but rather it was something easy to do, something mindless. it was easier to be sarcastic about loving the place he worked than openly admit that his dreams had entirely gone to shit. “the best i can do is feet, m’am.” he bickered back. “i reserve my arsenic for kardashians and politicians. you’re no nearly as special as you think you are.”
text 📱 charlie
char: yk i didn't really notice and i'm not gonna dig in the garbage but given this place, i'd bet on it
char: it'll be late... you can get a cart that late?
cal: leave the dumpster diving for the dishwashers. you know, mine looks for rib bones to suck the marrow off of
cal: i can steal a golf cart at any time of day
zaraoneil:
“Do tally marks instead of names, there’s a lot of ways around this, Calvin. Don’t you listen to murder podcasts?” Everyone had to have a favorite there. Hand reached out to swat at him, “Stop it, go outside or something.” Get out of my sight in other words. “We can’t get another complaint.” It’d been a while since the last noise complaint or what have you, probably since their last party. “What’s wrong with a Chelsea? It’s a cute name- Ugh, Calvin! That makes it sound like I was watching.” Shudder ran down her spine, that was not the kind of reputation she wanted. “What? Did you just make cheating sound like a public service? Only you would think that, Calvin, only you. No, I’m not going to bring anyone home, actually. I’m not going to give you the chance to poke fun.”
“no, serial killer romanticists are the new crazy cat ladies. like it used to be ‘people suck, the only person i like is my cat’ but now since that’s cheugy, people have graduated to ‘i can tell you everything about jack the ripper but i can’t tell you what i had for breakfast yesterday’. it’ll be a cringey interest in the years to come.” he explained simple because his cynicism couldn’t just let people like things, he had to find something wrong with everything. but in the same way he’s speaking, he puffed. his cigarette with. the mere intent to piss the girl off. “are you gonna tell? it’s just one cigarette. the second hand smoke won’t kill you. not now, anyways. eventually. but at that point, something else will take you in conjunction with the smoke from this butt.”
eyebrows flexed at the girl who was disgusted, “we all know you weren’t watching. you may have been listening though. sitting out here with your bowl of cereal pretending not be listening to my morning routine.” calvin teased. it was amusing how easy it was to piss her off but that may have just been her general dislike for him rather than anything he was actually doing. “cheating is a public service. you’re ending already unhappy marriages. you’d be like a seductress robin hood.”
esmechenn:
“Choosing abstinence would mean obtaining from sex, and that’s certainly not what I’ve been doing this week. Just as Rose,” Esme corrected, pointing the end of her celery stick in his direction from her perch on the kitchen counter. Their relationship status was technically non-existent, but that didn’t stop Esme from crawling into her bed at night when giving the chance. “Check back in a week. I might knock you clear out of the running by Friday night, bodies and plumber calls.”
“Who’s the lucky person, hm? Someone from work? Or wait - a member from the club?” They egged on, arching their eyebrow in his direction. “That Bachelor party that played 18 holes on Monday was full of 10’s. Please tell me it was one of them.”
"what’s the objective in having this contest if you’re just going to refuck and reuse? this isn’t a recycling effort here. it’s a sexual revolution. you’re not doing your part in helping the greater good of this country club get in tune with their sex life.” calvin ranted as he turned to face the other. hands worked to cap the marker, knowing he let the last dozen of them run dry. maybe his words were a bit misogynic but calvin hardly ever thought before he spoke. “well if you clog the toilet, you could also fuck the plumber. best get to working on that.” the fridge opened in time with his words and he leaned down and palmed a beer that he promptly cracked and sipped on. “i’d never fuck a club member. we’re supposed to eat the rich not give the capitalist pigs the best dicking of their miserable lives. feel bad for ‘em though - they’ll never get a proper raunchy fuck.”
