KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!! @fungish - Tumblr Blog

woah hi

okay sorry I've been logged out for awhile... kinda ditched this account cuz too many ppl irl know my url and I don't wanna post here anymore eheh. I'll still have my sideblogs but I shall sneak away into the night on main. I got discord if you wanna catch up with me. but warning I might not reply for a bit cuz I've also been self isolating :'3

but my discord's fungish. yeah. heehee.

WOOHOO YEAH BABYYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!

2 WEEK VACATION HAS BEEN APPROVED!!!!!! WEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOO!! NOW I WON'T HAVE TO SCREAM HOW MUCH I WANNA KILL MYSELF EVERYDAYYYYY YAY WOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!

#for 2 weeks at least woof #it'll be a good reset

since my hand doesn't wanna draw pretty pictures anymore I'm trying to get back into playing ukulele 😤

#I still remember a lot of chords surprisingly #strumming is all that trips me up... strumming and singing at the same time....#look at me trying to gain more hobbies outside of doodlin shower me with praise

so I'm attempting to not mask or push through my social exhaustion and... people. are not. getting it. you think me telling my coworkers I'm too tired to talk would make them uh. understand?? and leave me alone and stop talking to me... or at least stop expecting me to reply back, but NOPE!! they just stare at me with their DEAD EYES until I'm able to muster a "yeah" or "mhm" GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!! WHYYYY MUST I BE CURSED TO HAVE PEOPLE LIKE ME?!?!?!?!?!?! I MISS SCHOOL. NO ONE LIKED ME WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 💔

#we talk about autistic people not understanding social cues too much #we need to talk about people not understanding autistic social cues 😤😤😤

bad part about not using streaming services is that all your go to websites don't have the correct episodes listed so u gotta bounce back n forth between websites in order to find the goddamn F.U.N. EPISODE OF SPONGEBAB WHY MUST YOU LIE TO ME 💔💔💔

u know thw first ep of spongebob when the buses full of anchovies come in and wreak havoc at the krusty krab?? that's what it's like at goodwill when the old people from the nursing homes show up in their giant old people bus

#it was always awful #always

look I try my best not to be a dick when I have an irrational one-sided beef with someone... but anytime I MATURELY create distance, the distance gets VIOLATED somehow and I'm forced to be nicey. then the resentment of having to mask as nicey makes the annoyance shift into hatred >___<;;;; I TRY, OKAY?!?!?!? I TRY HARD!!!!!!! this is what happens when I attempt to engage with other human beings in a communal fashion. lone wolf forever*

*with the exception of my best friends

#shit happens at work... shit happens online.....#when will I be FREE #when I dig that hole in the ground in the middle of no where and never leave it... that's when I'll truly be free

might not be the best avenue for research, but according to anecdotal evidence from autistic people on reddit I thiiiiiiink I might be slightly non verbal autistic?? or at least I have episodes of being non verbal. idfk I need to look more into it when I'm not at work. I'm not that familiar with how it works

honestly it would explain a lot... why talking takes so much energy out of me and how sometimes it takes so much physical exertion for me to speak that I want to cry.......... or how my mind is super active, but my mouth can't seem to move or even use the words in my brain. it just picks from my default lines or I just make noises... kinda wanna cry now LOL

#IT WOULD EXPLAIN SO MUCH AGHHHHHHHHH #this physical pain... I've talked to so many therapists about it and they were just like HMM IDK U JUST MIGHT BE TIRED 😊#IDK THIS DOESN'T FEEL NORMAL IT NEVER HAS

it's valentines day and I'm gonna be very normal about it- *coughs up blood*

I miss my kitty cat here's pics of me bugging him last time I visited my dad's

#my ham... my yam..... my mr boy man

guh been trying not to think about valentines day but ARGHHHHHHHHH GRAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AGHHHHHHHHHHHJJJHHHHBBJHDJDBRBEHWNWNE XBXNDIDU *DIES*

#I have plans on the 15th with my fwb since he's doing stuff with his kids tomorrow but like #he's just my fwb he isn't a shmoopie I want valentines times with a shmoopie </3

oh oh today at work I saw someone with a SICK homemade disco elysium hoodie. it was the physique skill portraits painted with BLEACH on a black hoodie. it was so fuckin cool I hope that person had a great day

#I was walkin to the bathroom #saw the hoodie and yelled IS THAT DISCO ELYSIUM #they were so happy cuz no one recognized it before TvT

oh don't remind me 💔💔💔

#7 years and nothing to show for it

please don't interpret this as me hating jerma or hating anyone that likes him cause I very regularly watch his [old] vods to go to sleep but like........... I feel like I'm the only person I've seen that's talked about his weird hang ups around fat people ??? does everyone ignore it because he's the internet's sweetheart or what?? I don't wanna "cancel" him or anything, but it does make me annoyed enough that if I ever saw him in public I'm gonna run up and punch him in the jaw, ya know??

#woke up to that juggles stream autoplaying and its like.... idk I know other nitpicky commies watch his stuff #I'm just surprised I haven't seen anyone else address this before ??????

here's a victory post tho..... I cleaned under and on top of my bed cause the dumb mice got in my plushies [they're all cleaned and sanitized don't worry]. anyways it hasn't looked this clear in a long time. I'm still sore from cleaning it up TvT </3

also I s2g this corner of my room has decorations I'm not r/malelivingspace-ing it

at this point my blogs are just a place for me to bitch or document memories or post pics publicly, then I disappear back into my depression spiral...

around when I first started at goodwill, we had a white trans coworker that changed his name to "neru" [the japanese word for sleep]. so to be annoying, I would pronounce his name correctly... but no one would know who I was talking about unless I called him NAY-ROO. so I ended up looking more annoying than I wanted to LOL

#yeah he said it like NAY-ROO too......#I WASN'T JUST TRYING TO BE ANNOYING I was tryin to be respectful since no one was pronouncing it correctly

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