Funny Baseball Cards

Planet Earth's preeminent compendium of all human knowledge... as it singularly pertains to mildly humorous sports cards.

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'Tis the season for disgusting eggnog.

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Here we have Boob "Gink" Fowler... presumably of no relation to Dick Fowler. 

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... Is that George Costanza?

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When young Lil was growing up in Bowie, he suffered an accident involving his brother "Mac" (William McKinley Stoner). His older brother was chopping wood in the backyard when Lil wandered over. Lil was a toddler, barely able to speak, and told his brother "chop my finger off Mac." His brother came down with the hatchet on the index finger on his right hand. Young Lil ran into the house crying, with the finger hanging by a piece of flesh. Mrs. Stoner tightly wrapped it and had her son lie still in bed. She sent for the doctor. The doctor told her there was nothing he could do other than bandage the finger. They would have to wait to see if the finger would re-attach itself.

After a few days, the bandage came off. Although crooked, the finger had successfully re-attached itself. This deformity probably contributed to the way Stoner's ball moved when he became a pitcher. [1]

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"Back in 1973 when Morris was picked in the 1st round it wasn't much of a big deal like today. At the draft day Morris was working at a gas station in Niagara Falls. His landlady came over to him and told him that he had been picked 12th overall by Buffalo. Later that day Punch Imlach called him and asked him how much money he wanted." [1]

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Doug was known for his slowball.

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"High Tech $#!+"

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"Boyd admitted on Wednesday that two-thirds of the time he was on the mound, he was under the influence of cocaine." [1]

"In November 2005, Boyd was indicted by a federal grand jury in Mississippi for threatening a former girlfriend (who was also a business associate) as well as her son. On November 14, 2005, Boyd surrendered to F.B.I. agents in Tupelo, Mississippi." [2]

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"He scored two assists but was remembered for other things. 'The players weren't fond of him,' says Elmer Ferguson, columnist of The Montreal Slur. 'He had a bad habit of never taking a bath.'" [1]

"Pusie did have skills, when he wasn't terrorizing opponents, starting brawls threatening the fans, or being arrested for disturbing the peace."

"He became a bit of a cult star with the Rangers, and the Madison Square Gardens masses used to chant 'We want Pusie-we want Pusie.'"

"Off the ice, he was equally colourful. In 1946, he was charged in Montreal with being in possession of a revolver, threatening his girlfriend with it. In the arraignment, Judge C. E. Guerin admonished Pusie: 'Chase after girls in the manner that pleases you, but do not carry a revolver when you do so.'"

"Besides a fling in pro wrestling, Pusie was also an occasional professional boxer, semi-pro baseball player and lacrosse player. He even announced plans to enter the Canadian National Exhibition's marathon swim meet one year (though research has yet to determine if he followed through)." [2]

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His short fuse carried over into his coaching days in the AHL where the media punned his name to "Hot Cross Bun" when he lost his temper.  [1]

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For Clarke, the start of his professional career was rough. During training camp, he had two serious diabetic seizures. One of the Philadelphia coaches, Frank Lewis, conducted his own investigation and learned that in both instances Clarke had had only a light breakfast before the workout. Lewis drew up a complete dietary plan, which Bobby strictly followed for years to come. Before a game, Clarke would drink a bottle of Coca-Cola with three spoonfuls of dissolved sugar. Between periods he downed half a glass of orange juice with sugar added, and after the game a whole glass. Lewis always stashed several chocolate bars and a tube of 100% glucose in his bag, just in case. [1]

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Inky Strange worked as a printer during the off-season.

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Les Rock had a long and illustrious career in the majors, stretching all the way from September 11th, 1936 to September 23rd... 1936.

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This is the first post in a series I'll be doing this year, highlighting the fantastic Ars Longa cards I've started collecting. They're original art cards, hand-distressed for the aesthetic style of vintage tobacco cards. The sets feature long gone players who are often impossible to collect these days.

Jun 17, 1885 - Brooklyn (AA) P "Phenomenal" Smith loses his debut to St. Louis by a score of 18-5. All 18 runs against the brash lefthander are unearned‚ due to 14 Brooklyn "errors‚" 7 by SS Germany Smith. When he first joined the team‚ Smith‚ who gave himself his nickname‚ said he was so good that he didn't need his teammates to win. The intentional misplays of his teammates cause club president Lynch to fine the guilty players $500 each‚ but he reluctantly agrees to release Smith to ensure team harmony. [1]

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The back of this card reads: "Wears a mask while pitching, thus the nickname".

In 1910, Walker pitched in the Pacific Coast League for the San Francisco Seals, under the pseudonym Mitchell.  Known for the mask-wearing, and for his hostility toward photographers, "Mysterious Mitchell" began to rapidly draw the attention of fans and press.  Walker even started refusing to take the mound unless nearby photographers were removed.  However, he was quickly identified after a photographer for the San Francisco Chronicle utilized a new telescopic lens to capture his face from afar.  It turned out "Mysterious Mitchell" was actually Fred Walker, a player who had signed with the New York Mets, but disappeared after he was accused of assaulting a hotel maid. [1]

So the card should probably instead read: "Assaulted a woman, skipped town, thus the nickname."

"As a freshman in October 1904, Walker suffered a concussion during a practice session when he collided with another player. The injury initially appeared not to be serious, but later that night Walker became 'temporarily deranged'." [2]