Personal rant about my family and my hearing :/
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I just wanted to put this somewhere. I’m frustrated and tired of putting up with this all the time. But it’s not like I can do anything I guess.
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My hearing is really starting to… bug me?
I’m hard of hearing. Have been my whole life. Nothing has changed, it’s just always been that way. I’ve got hearing aids and have known about my hearing loss literally since I was 7 and failed my first hearing test (have failed them every year since :D)
But I feel like I’m noticing things in the way people treat me changing now that I’m older? Almost like they were expecting it to just,,, go away?
For example, my brother constantly makes fun of me for it. Usually in a sibling way, like mocking me when I say ‘what’ a few times. But I’ve noticed that it’s becoming less joking and more frustration?
Like screaming at me when I have my headphones on (which scares the fuck out of me) to get my attention instead of waving in front of me? And then when I do pull off my head phones and pay attention he will sort of scoff and say “at this point I think you can hear fine, you’re just ignoring me.” Which. No. I wasn’t paying attention because I had my headphone on? And a video playing?
It’s gotten to the point where I’m hyper aware of people in the room and if there is someone I turn off my phone and pull off my headphones even if they don’t say anything. Que the “what?” And me just shrugging and then them not making conversation and walking away.
And I’ll notice that when ever I ask my family members to repeat what they said they pause and give me an almost dirty look? My dad is better with it all though. He will repeat himself (because he asks me to repeat myself too lol) and will at most chuckle and shake his head before saying it again.
But my mom gets… not violent, but aggressive with it? If I don’t wear my hearing aids (sometimes I forget, sometimes they give me headaches) she will like whip her head towards me in public and almost hiss “are you wearing your hearing aids??”
When I was younger it was either not something I noticed or they just thought I would grow out of my genetic hearing loss? Or maybe they always hoped it was just me being a stubborn kid who didn’t want to listen to adults.
And it’s not like I’m deaf. I can hear things and people, I just have a few bands missing and a couple low frequencies that I can’t hear. (Unfortunately those frequencies are often heard when people speak, they are used in language a lot. So, fun)
But it’s really bugging me. Especially because a big part of me wants to know why they think THEY have a right to be upset?
They’re not the ones missing jokes. They don’t have to ask people to repeat them selves over and over. They don’t have to see people sigh and say never mind because asking “what” ruined the joke for the millionth time. They don’t have to deal with the embarrassment of not hearing someone say something and repeating the same exact thing like 30 seconds later. They don’t miss important details in conversation because they’re too embarrassed to as for someone to say it again. They don’t have to turn on subtitles for every show and can’t really go to movie theaters without missing plot points (they actually complain about having to turn subtitles on. My parents do, anyway). They don’t have to deal with the paranoia that someone is breaking into the house but they can’t hear it. Or the feeling that people are talking about them quietly right in front of them because everyone knows that they can’t hear for shit.
And I know that wearing my hearing aids would help but like… I’m at home most of the time. And I have headphones on listening to music or watching videos while I do stuff. And it’s not like they’re talking to me on a regular basis?
It feels like they want me to constantly be ready for whenever they feel like it’s time to socialize and to make sure they never get inconvenienced by me…
My brother came down earlier and said something to me while I was making food along the lines of
“You know it’s hard to talk to you with your hearing anyway but it’s downright impossible with your headphones in. What if someone broke in?”
And I’m like. But you’re home. And you were not talking to me. You were in your room. And I pulled my headphones off for you anyway? If I were home alone, I wouldn’t use headphones for that very reason, because someone could absolutely break in and I wouldn’t know until I saw them.
It’s just weird. They talk about my disability as though it’s the most inconvenient thing for them to deal with and as though I can just turn it off sometimes.
It’s also wild that I’ve been mocked and made fun of for my hearing by family far more than peers at school. Like- literally nobody gave a shit at school.
