i'm just another monster.

Rick... his group... they're not good people. They've done things. They've done unspeakable things. They can't be trusted. They're dangerous. You may believe that they did, what they had to do, that they were afraid and so they - The day will come... when they'll put their own lives before yours and everyone else's and they will destroy everything you have here. Everything you're working so hard to build. He disguises himself as an angel of light. His servants are the false apostles of righteousness. They don't deserve this. They don't deserve paradise. ( closed rp account for carl grimes.)

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

ariel. 

“Oh, no.” Shaking her head. Ariel was far from being a violent person. “I just say sorry and go on with my day.” She believed that being kind had a better effect on a situation than anything else. “ And it’s also not too hot with a little breeze. It’s nice to meet you too, Carl.”

“ what happens if it’s not your fault ?? do you still apologize to them ?? ” carl finds the idea a bit ridiculous; never one to take the blame for something that he didn’t do. “ have you lived here long ? ” he asks after a moment, curious about the city & the colorful characters that live there. 

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

troy. 

As much as he wanted to keep his past from the younger male, the fact he allowed himself to open up to Troy made him feel the need to do so right back. It felt fair that way. He hadn’t been through the cruelty and the wrong that Carl had, least not in the exact same way. “Let me join you.” Holding in a deep breath he exhaled after a little while. Sigh escaping his lips as he began. “My mother passed before the apocalypse. She was an alcoholic, along with my father, the drink killed her. Being her son I did all I could for her. Looked after her. Had no choice but to sit back and watch her die. I loved her like a son should and she resented me. She hated me.” The memories of his life with his mother came flooding in, causing him to clear his throat before continuing. “And not just during my time caring for her. I tantrumed a whole lot as a child. One time she got so pissed off she locked me in the basement. Forgot about me. Wasn’t until the day next that my father came to free me. See, he never loved me either. He use to lay a hand on both me and my mother. Didn’t stop as I grew. Wasn’t that long ago that he gave me the black eye on top of the bruising I already have there. After everything I still manage to love them both.” It didn’t bother him that he did, he knew he was suppose to, they were his parents. “He passed not so long ago.” Something he still couldn’t get his head around. “But besides the whole fucked up childhood story, there’s the murdered my own best friend story. Lost control. Anger took over. Next thing I knew his whole entire family were goners.” 

frankly, carl hasn’t been subjected to the things troy has. not personally, at least. however, he has seen people abused before --- carol & her husband being the first, then there was jessie & her husband. as for alcoholics, there was hershel. sadly, even in the apocalypse, there were certain things people couldn’t escape or give up. “ that’s fucked up. ” there’s no SYMPATHY in his voice, knowing it would only be rejected. “ his entire family ?? ” he hates that a grin brushes his lips; not out of amusement, but something else. something carl can’t quite place. maybe he’s just HAPPY to be able to relate to someone. “ sorry to hear that, man. ”

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

troy. 

“Hard to feel sympathy in general.” It only came with the people he cared for and that wasn’t many. He found it hard to relate to most, not to mention he struggled with socialising. Keeping to himself and his people was what he knew until meeting the Clarks and arriving in New York out of the blue without knowing the reason why. “That mean the world would be better off without the two of us?”

laughter spills from his lips at the question, the answer already painfully obvious. “ of course it would be, but we’re not the WORST people out there. we’re not evil. trust me, i’ve seen evil. we’re just ... desperate people that do desperate things to survive. ” 

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

troy. 

“He doesn’t fight, not unless he has to. He was more the guy who gave the orders because father preferred he spoke to our people. Comforted our people. I’m not all that good with people.” That wasn’t his father’s reasoning. Jake was the preferred child and Troy knew it. Their father made it clear often. “But Jake, he’ll survive for as long as I protect him. Which will be always. I’m not about to lose my brother, he’s all I have left.”

carl nods along as troy speaks, finding himself able to relate to a few things, bust mostly the sibling factor. carl loved judith. he loved her more than anyone else & would spend the rest of his life fighting to make sure she had a safe future. “ he sounds like a good guy. ” & it makes his heart SINK, because the good guys were always doomed to a short life. not that he’s gonna voice that again, but the thought lingers. “ having a sibling around during the apocalypse is the best and the worst. ” 

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

hannah. 

“Yeah, maybe. So, you are gonna tell me your name?”

“ yeah. sure. whatever. i’m carl. who are you ?? ”

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

connor. 

Maybe it was due to the fact that he wasn’t entirely sure how he’d gotten where he was now, maybe it was just because he was fucked up and couldn’t regulate his own feelings but Connor was tense. One positive was that he hadn’t seen Larry in a while, no one was on his case about going to school, or smoking despite the short year of time that separated him from doing so legally. There was no reason for him to still feel as agitated as he did, but the distinct feeling of eyes stumbling upon him only made him that much more tense. He dabbed his cigarette out on the arm of the bench where he sat. “Stop fucking staring,” he complained under his breath. 

pulled from his thoughts by the voice, carl blinks once, gaze landing on the male that’s currently complaining. he isn’t sure if the words are directed at him or the person next to him, but he doesn’t exactly care. “ --- i wasn’t staring at you. ” he announces, raising a finger to point to someone behind the bench, “ i was staring at that guys mullet. didn’t know they were still in style here. ” it’s all very eugene-like, which fills carl with an undeniable rage. 

[rpmusings-galore]

&&  despite  it  all… 

                                    {   I  SURVIVED.   }

                                    {   I  SURVIVED.   }

                                    {   I  SURVIVED.   }

[hardyness]

The Walking Dead → Dysfunctional family meal, clean-shaven Negan and Rick’s tears in Hearts still beating

[poetic-pois0n]

I’ve watched fight club and I’m inspired, someone please come and beat the shit out of me

[grainde-folie]

I’m dead, Carl. My mom is dead. My brother is. [ No, they’re not. We’re gonna make it.] Your dad– you’re dead, too. We’re all dead.

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

hannah. 

“A trap? How is that?”

“ don’t know yet, so we’re gonna have to wait and see !! ”

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

( @wand-maker continued from here ) 

“ unfortunately. ” he sighs, wondering why he’s being such a whiner about something as small as a dream. he’s not usually this sensitive. “ it doesn’t bother me. i’m just trying to avoid grossing you out. ” carl admits, hand still lingering over his face. “ it’s ... really fucking gross, but it feels better when i don’t have to sleep with my face bandaged up. ” a pause, “ it’s fine. i can just wrap it later. ”

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

“It was only a dream.” (wand-maker)

carl rubs at the sweat on his forehead, one hand automatically coming up to cover his exposed eye injury. he’s THANKFUL the stranger had woken him from his dream nightmare, but he can’t shake the DREAD that fills him. “ i know, but it felt so REAL. ” he shudders, silently willing himself to CALM down. 

@wand-maker

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

judith. 

THIS wasn’t the Carl she was used to and it was quite an ADJUSTMENT having to practically get to know her brother all over again. She swallows thickly, shaking her head as she reminded herself that even though this wasn’t the Carl that had been around for her seventeen years of life, he was STILL Carl. “WISE advice. Just suck it up and move on? You should write a BOOK. Maybe the walkers would learn something.” A sigh emits from her lips before she gives a shake of her head, “This is just…weird. All of it. I’ve…never lived in a world without walkers before. Is this…like what you remember?”

deep down, carl knows he’s being CRUEL. he should be SOFTER, but he’s seen too much & done too much & his wild heart refuses to REST. at the end of the day, no matter what he’s been through or who he has lost, all he can really do is MOVE ON. he can’t truly mourn or relax until the WAR is over. being in new york changes NOTHING. “ all i’m saying is that you shouldn’t let your EMOTIONS consume you. ” his tone is softer this time around, silently reminding himself that this is his SISTER. she’s older now, but she’s still the little girl he’s cared for all her life. the girl he would instantly kill & die for. “ kind of. home was ... CALMER. easier to deal with. new york is a fucking NIGHTMARE sometimes. ” the lack of manners was the main thing that bothered him, but the busy streets were right up there as well. “ just ... give it time and you’ll eventually adjust. ”

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

troy. 

“Nobody should have to go through the shit you did but life doesn’t work that way.” It was just the honest truth. He could either look at it the way he was and dwell or suck it up and let the past make him stronger. Being appreciated for listening surprised the male, nodding in response as he couldn’t find anything to say. Being able to judge when it came to Troy was thrown out the window the day he murdered the innocent for an experiment, not to mention murdering his own best friend and his entire family. “You lived to survive. You fought to survive. You did whatever the hell you had to in the name of survival. Everyone during the apocalypse did. Doesn’t make you a monster.”

carl finds himself STUCK on troy’s words, silently wondering what gave certain people the right to labels others as monsters. there were certain people, like morgan, who refused to kill ( although, morgan had abandoned that way of life ). & then there were people who killed because they had to. of course, there had been certain moments where carl could have taken the peaceful way out, but he always found it better to take the threat out entirely. he didn’t want to risk having anything come back to bite him in the ass. “ i’m just being EMOTIONAL. weak. give me a few minutes and i’ll be over it. ” he pauses, gaze falling to the floor. “ some people just never adjusted to the ways of our world and wanted to hold onto their peace and humanity, i guess. ”

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

hannah. 

“No, just that this is New York, a place to start over”

“ i’ve heard that loads before and it ALWAYS turns out to be a trap. ten bucks says this is also a trap. ”

[futurcserialkiller-blog]

troy. 

“No shit. He’s a decent guy, my brother. You and I are far from decent. He doesn’t cave, he sticks by me, no matter what. For now anyway. I’ll accept it but only this once.”

“ --- and he’s survived this long ? SURPRISING. normally the decent people are the first to die. ” his thoughts linger on beth & hershel -- two people who had too much LOVE to give & had been doomed to brutal deaths. “ --- but fucking finally. ”