🗞️ @future-wrestling-headlines - Tumblr Blog

Ghost of Gingerbread Man vs Tupac Hologram to headline night 8 of Summerslam in Minne🍏is, Minneßota

Cody Rhodes reveals that his next child will bear the last name Rhodes, legally

The Greatest America Alive Platinum Max Caster claims that he was originally scheduled for the Freedom 250 UFC event

"I thought it was a pride festival," Caster clarified. "I'm not homophobic – most of the people I hate are straight! Most of them..."

Don Callis pledges to use a significant portion of the recent generous donation from MJF to invest in even less supportive trunks for Andrade

Danhausen debuts his newest clone/tagteam partner, Munchausen, who has mysteriously become injured despite not yet having had a match

The WWE Universe looks forward to Munchausen's recovery, which is surely just around the corner

Kit Wilson's Whiny Triggered Faggot Heel Gimmick Gains Cult Following of LGBTQ+ Youth Who Don't Realize They're Being Mocked

#kit wilson

future-wrestling-headlines

Heartwarming PAC reveals that he has made the switch to long tights as an act of support for his fellow Death Rider Daniel Garcia, who has been struggling with the process of being weaned off of trunks

future-wrestling-headlines

Trunks Rider Daniel Garcia has fallen off the wagon

The Bastard PAC is reportedly disappointed, but not surprised

Kyle Fletcher's injuries are reportedly made much more serious by the presence of a comorbid advanced case of handsomeitis

"The handsomeitis has begun to metastasize," said Dr.Ben Dover, an expert in boytoy husbandry. "He could lose the leg"

#aew

Andrade El Idolo plans to wrestle his next match with a full erection in order to get commenters on Facebook to stop making unfavorable comments about the size of his post-match respect chub following his qualifying match against Darby Allin

"My name is Don Callis, and I approve this gimmick match," Andrade's manager has requested to be quoted saying

Daredevil Darby Allin took a dive on Saturday night and was carried out on a stretcher, unconvincingly attempting to sell a neck injury. However, multiple firsthand accounts corroborate that Allin had in fact visibly and olfactorily dookied in his little shorts

Hangman Adam Page has epically DEVASTATED WWE on Bluesky, condemning the #SinCity42-26HUT hashtag:

"Real men, women, or anybody don't have a favorite abusive scumbag. You won't see me leveraging my male privilege when I make AEW Men's World Champion Darby Allin my bitch on Collision this Saturday night #BelieveVictims"

#aew #Darby Allin

TKO™️ and WWE™️ are inviting YOU to get in on the WrestleMania™️ action! All you have to do is make a post telling the entire WWE™️ Universe™️ your FAVORITE known sexual predator who'll be appearing on the Grandest Stage of Them All™️ this weekend in #SinCityWM4226HUT !

#wrestlemania 42

Never Mind All That Wrestler whose previous story arc hinged upon him being a father urges fans to now put his young child out of their mind as daddy hops back into the ring to try to break his neck one more time

"I'm doing this for the fans, and I'm doing this for myself, and I'm doing this because I love this company," he said when asked what motivates him

This comment was met with full support from his wife, who was standing behind him

Holy shit John Cena just picked up Mark Henry

The Truth Revealed A flustered representative for AEW explained at a recent media scrum that Jetspeed has been rendered ineligible for the men's tag team championship title due to a cultural misunderstanding.

"I, too, was confused by Jetspeed's recent prevalence in the trios title scene. Evidently, some higher ups, who are..... from another time, were confused by Speedball Mike Bailey's gender neutral pronouns, and were under the impression that the Jetspeed stable consists of three members; The Jet Kevin Knight, Speedball, and Mike Bailey.

"We are working around the clock to attempt to make this right. You would not believe how difficult this has been on an administrative level. I don't- I truly don't know how an oversight like this was able to be taken to this level. And for that I am sorry."

A journalist asked if this apology was on behalf of AEW.

"Let me be perfectly clear," the representative said. "All Elite Wrestling refuses to take any level of accountability for this."

#jetspeed #aew

Congratulations to Randy Orton for having the privilege of executing WWE's second annual Christ-like stripping and beating of Pain Pig in Chief Cody Rhodes

#wwe smackdown

Roderick Strong of the Conglomeration takes over as head juicer, freshly squeezing Orange Cassidy before every match

#the conglomeration

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