Sarcasm

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

“I love you too. So much,” he said grinning at his boyfriend as he wiped his tears away. He kissed him happily completely forgetting that they were in a hospital room and Sebastian’s life was still in danger. “Wanna see if it fits?” he asked smiling as he sat up a little holding his hand out so Sebastian could put the ring on his finger. “How long have you had this?” he asked laughing.

“Absolutely,” Sebastian said with a warm smile, taking the ring out of it’s box and carefully sliding it onto Blaine’s finger, “perfect.” He commented happily, letting out a laugh when the older male asked him how long he had the ring, “long enough,” he chuckled, looking into his fiancé’s eyes and kissed him. “The time was never right, though- that’s a lie, I always ended up getting nervous.” He admitted as he blushed, chuckling once more as he held Blaine’s hand in his own. “Wait until we tell everyone!”

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

Blaine gasped when Sebastian opened the box revealing the silver ring inside. It was beautiful. Happy tears sprang to his eyes as his hand covered his mouth. He had always been a romantic at heart and had dreamed of getting proposed to he had just never thought it would be this way. But he didn’t care because this was Sebastian, the love of his life and he just wanted to be with him forever. It didn’t matter how he proposed all he knew was that he wanted to be by his side for forever. He laughed a little finally hearing him ask the question smiling from ear to ear. “Yes. A million times, yes,” he said throwing his arms around his boyfriend - fiances neck and kissing him, happy tears streaming down his cheeks. “I love you so much,” he said before kissing him again not thinking about anything else but Sebastian.

He may not have been feeling his greatest, but Sebastian could’ve jumped out of the bed and done backflips over Blaine saying yes, although, he couldn’t, because he would have not on his fiancé giving him a lecture, but also an entire medical team. So instead, he held Blaine close and covered him in kisses as he smiled and wiped his tears away. “I love you so much, you’re everything to me.”

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

Blaine smiled at Sebastian through his tears. He knew his boyfriend would do his best to fight this. He just hoped that it would be enough. He sat beside him on his bed and lay on his chest into Sebastian’s open arms. He sighed in relief, he always felt so safe and loved in his arms and he hadn’t felt that way in a while. “I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you. Don’t leave me,” he said sniffling as he wrapped his arms around him as best he could and cried into his chest. He looked up at him and frowned a bit in confusion. What could he want that was in his hoodie? “Okay,” he said getting up and wiping his eyes before going over to the table where Sebastian’s clothes were. He reached into the pocket and felt a small box. Blaine frowned and pulled it out looking at it in his hand. It was a ring box. His eyes widened in surprise as he realized what this was. Was Sebastian really planning on doing what he thought he was doing? “Bas?” he asked looking at him in question as he went back over to him and handed him the box. He sat next to him with tears in his eyes as he smiled a little nervously but happy as he waited for him to reveal what was in the box.

Sebastian sniffled and nodded in response as Blaine spoke, wiping his tears away once Blaine had set his attention to his hoodie to get what he was looking for. He couldn’t help but smile at his boyfriend’s confused expression, carefully taking the box off him and opening it up to show the silver engagement ring inside, looking up at Blaine with complete love in his eyes; none of what was happening around them mattered right now. “I don’t know how I was going to do it, but I had this plan of somehow whisking you out of the party tonight and doing this; it seemed romantic in my head, but it doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that you’re here and I love you more than I ever thought possible. I don’t know what I would ever do without you and I don’t think I would be as happy as I am today if it wasn’t for you. Blaine Anderson, I love you with all of my being, so will you please do me the honour of becoming my husband... Will you marry me?

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

Blaine shook his head, hearing Sebastian’s words but he still wasn’t sure he believed him. There had to have been more he could have done to prevent this from happening. Of course even if there had been, he had to come to terms with that there was nothing he could do now to help him. 

He nodded at the nurse, fighting back tears as he thanked her before she left the room. There was nothing anyone could do now. It was now all up to Sebastian to fight this infection. Blaine didn’t want to think about if he couldn’t manage to do that. 

Blaine sniffled as he cried softly listening to Sebastian, keeping a firm grip on his hand, never letting it go. He hated hearing him talk this way it sounded too much like regrets and saying goodbye and Blaine didn’t want to even think about saying goodbye to him. “I love you, Sebastian Smythe. More than anything. I think I always have too. I want to marry you and always be yours. There’s no one else like you. We’re going to be together forever. Get married, have kids, grow old together all of it. You just can’t give up. You have to fight this,” he said through his tears, not trying to stop them from falling anymore. He couldn’t loose Sebastian.

“I’ll do my best, I promise.” Sebastian sniffled, smiling warmly as he looked up at Blaine; opening his arms for him to cuddle into so he could just hold him like he used to; to be the one taking care of him even if it was just for a moment. “I don’t know what I would do without you... You’re the reason I started to believe in love again. There will never be another man like you, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure I don’t have to leave you any time soon.” He assured, closing his eyes as he just held his boyfriend close and savoured the moment. “I don’t want to break the moment, but could you grab my hoodie and look for something in the pocket...”

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

“I should have made you go out more…I didn’t want to push you but I should have…I’m so sorry. I should have done more to take care of you…” he said sniffling as tears ran down his cheeks. “I was so mad. But I wasn’t mad at you I was mad about everything else and I just wanted to feel normal again if even for a few hours…I - I miss you…I don’t care about a stupid party. Really. I just wanted to be with you and pretend like everything is okay for a little while…I don’t want to fight either. I love you,” he said spilling out his emotions as he tried to explain why he had been so upset earlier.

Blaine wiped away his tears as the nurse came into the room and explained that the antibiotics weren’t working like they wanted them too. This was a nightmare. “Life support?” he asked his eyes widening as they filled with tears again. This couldn’t be happening. Had they really come this far only to end up here? He squeezed Sebastian’s hand and wiped his eyes again trying to hold it together when he really just wanted to cry his eyes out. “When - how long until you know if his body is going to respond?” he asked still trying to be hopeful at least for Sebastian’s sake.

“Blaine, this is my fault, you couldn’t force me to leave the house; this is all on me, okay? It was my decision to stay in all the time, so it’s my mistake. My responsibility. None of this is on you, I promise.” Sebastian said softly, wishing there was more he could do to show Blaine that none of this was down to him and that he had done what anyone else in that situation would’ve done. “I love you too... So much.”

The consultant looked over at Blaine and hesitated for a moment before finally answering his question, “unfortunately, all we can do is wait for him to either start showing signs of improvement, or to get worse.I’m sorry I can’t give you any better news. As of right now, our main priority is ensuring you’re both comfortable, so if you need anything, just press the call button on the remote for the bed and a nurse will come in straight away. I’ll come back shortly to check Sebastian’s vitals again.” He explained before exiting the room and leaving Blaine and Sebastian to have some privacy. 

“If I could go back and change things, I would... I’d change it all; I’d make sure you knew how much I love you from the first day we met again in high school... I’d never let you go- I know we were on and off all the time, but I’ve always loved you... If I could change things, we’d be married now- or engaged, depending how crazy college got... Jeff and Nick have been together the longest, but we’d still be the first married..." Sebastian mumbled as he kept hold of Blaine’s hand, never letting it go. “I love you Blaine Anderson, and before you say anything; no, I’m not giving up... I just want you to know how much you mean to me.”

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

Blaine was so grateful that the paramedics had been able to get to them so quickly. He had managed to calm down a little bit but he completely blamed himself for this. If he had acted rather then got mad at his boyfriend when he told him he wasn’t feeling well then maybe none of this would have happened. He never left Sebastian’s side the whole time as nurses took care of him and ran tests.

He broke down crying after they told him how the seizure had been caused. Had this whole thing been his fault? Sebastian rarely left the apartment anymore so that meant that the only way he could have gotten an infection was because of him…

Blaine looked up and wiped his eyes when Sebastian woke up. “Hey baby,” he said smiling at him so happy to see him awake. “You’re in the hospital. You had a seizure…They said you most likely had an infection and your fever spiked which brought it on…” he said sniffling on the brink of tears once again. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. This is all my fault. I was being so selfish and I didn’t listen to you when you said you weren’t feeling well. And you’re probably sick because of me…I’m so sorry. I love you so much,” he said bursting into tears as he squeezed his boyfriend’s hand. He knew how bad an infection could be for Sebastian. He didn’t know how he was going to live with himself if anything happened to him. “I know you want to go home…but this is the best place for you right now…”

“No, don’t be sorry... Please don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault, not at all... I don’t go out enough, the doctor said that could happen if I only leave the apartment when I have to. None of this is on you, I promise.” Sebastian soothed, “shhh, you were disappointed about tonight and I get that, I do, I just- that was the first time we really fought and I don’t want to do that again... I love you so much, I just want you to talk to me- you can tell me anything and you don’t have to worry about upsetting me. This isn’t just happening to me, it’s happening to you too.” He explained, biting down on his bottom lip as he kept his eyes on his boyfriend. 

Just as Sebastian went to speak again, the consultant came into the room with a look that told Sebastian things weren’t going the way they were supposed to. “You’re awake, that’s a good sign... But, unfortunately, your body is not responding to the antibiotics at the rate we were hoping; and if you deteriorate any further, we may have to place you in an induced coma and put you on life support.” She explained, tears filling up in Sebastian’s eyes as he lightly squeezed Blaine’s hand. “And- and if that happens, what if my body still doesn’t respond?” The younger male asked, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat as he looked back at his consultant. “If you are placed on life support and still don’t respond, it’s very likely that you won’t regain consciousness. But right now, we’re hoping it won’t come to that- it’s very likely that your body just needs some more time for the antibiotics to take full affect.”

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

Blaine felt his eyes fill with tears at Sebastian pleading with him and starting to cry. He couldn’t take this. Everytime Sebastian cried it broke his heart. He never wanted to be the person to make him cry and here he was. “I - I know…I’m sorry…” he said sniffling as he turned to look at his boyfriend. What was he doing? He was acting like a child when he needed to be there to take care of Sebastian. He couldn’t be selfish. 

He turned off the stove and looked over at his boyfriend. The needed to talk about this. He needed to explain how he was feeling and tell him he wan’t mad at him. “We’ll be okay…” he said wiping his own tears as he looked at Sebastian. Something wasn’t right though. He was pale - more pale than normal. Why hadn’t he taken care of him? He had told him he wasn’t feeling well! 

“Seb? Sebastian!” he called out in a panic as he watched his knees buckle and him collapse. Blaine acted quickly and grabbed onto him so that his head didn’t hit the ground. “Sebastian! Baby. Its okay, its okay, I’m here,” he sobbed as he cradled his head trying to prevent him from hurting himself as he had a seizure on the floor. This was his fault. Sebastian had said he wasn’t feeling well but he had been too mad to listen to him. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialed 911 trying to control his sobbing as he told them what was happening and their address. “Its okay, its okay. Help is coming. Hang in there, baby. I love you so much,” he said crying knowing that he couldn’t hear his words. 

It took the paramedics less than five minutes to arrive at the apartment and luckily Sebastian’s seizure had stopped less than a couple of minutes after it started, the medics discovered that Sebastian’s seizure was more than likely caused from how high his fever was, but that also brought in the concern that Sebastian had caught an infection somehow and there was no way of knowing if his immune system would even be strong enough to fight it off.

His consultant carried out scans and luckily there was no sign of the tumour regrowing or the cancer spreading anywhere, so they started him on the strongest antibiotics they could. He looked so small in the hospital bed; connected to monitors, IV drips, oxygen and a feeding tube. 

“...Blaine...” Sebastian whimpered, his eyes flickering open as he scanned the room in search of his boyfriend. “Where am I?” He asked, his eyes finally finding the older male as he reached out for his hand. “I want to go home... I don’t want to be in hospital...”

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

Blaine sighed realizing how harsh he must have sounded. He turned and saw Sebastian walk away into their bedroom. He ran his hands through his curls - he hadn’t gotten a haircut in a while so they were longer and crazier than usual and down his face which was covered in stubble. He hadn’t seen much of a point in maintaining his usual clean cut appearance lately. How had he become this person? The two of them hardly ever fought and it was never like this. He hated this. 

He looked towards their bedroom and desperately wanted to go in and apologize for lashing out, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wiped away the tears that had fallen from his eyes and looked around the kitchen needing something - anything to distract himself. He poured the can of soup in the pot before going to the fridge and taking out a few more veggies to add to it. He cut a few up and added them to the pot, putting it on the stove to heat up. If Sebastian didn’t end up wanting the soup, he could always eat it later. He shook his head hearing Sebastian come into the kitchen and that he had hung up the costumes. He could have really cared less about what happened to them at this point. Blaine didn’t want to ever see them again.

Blaine knew it was childish to give anyone the silent treatment ind ignore them but he really didn’t want to say something he regretted and make things even worse than they already were. “I don’t care about the party. We don’t have to do anything,” he said stiffening a little as Sebastian tried to wrap his arms around him. 

Blaine stiffening on him trying to wrap his arms around him was enough to break Sebastian, a whimper escaping as he moved away from his boyfriend; it was a good thing Blaine didn’t turn to face him, because the devastation in his eyes would’ve been something the older male would never forget if he were to see. “Blaine, please, I don’t feel well, I just- I just want to know that we’re going to be okay...” He cried, covering his face with his hands as he started to cry. Everything seeming to hit him all at once. 

He calmed down after a couple of minutes, the nauseous feeling he had felt in the bedroom resurfacing. He just assumed he was working himself up too much, that was the only thing he could think of that would bring it on. But before he could even say anything to Blaine, to even try and get him to at least help him get into bed, he started to feel like he was burning up- breaking into a cold sweat as he could physically feel the remaining colour in his face leave.

“B-Blaine... please...” Sebastian whimpered, gripping onto the back of Blaine’s jumper in a desperate attempt to stop himself from falling as his legs went weak; causing him to collapse to the floor with a thud. Miraculously, he didn’t hit his head, but he slipped into unconsciousness as his body started to stiffen up and jerk as he started to have a seizure. 

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

Blaine sighed and shook his head slightly, looking away from Sebastian, not wanting to meet his eyes either. “It’s fine. Its a stupid fucking party. Its not a big deal,” he said not wanting to show his boyfriend just how upset he was. All he wanted was a fun night with him outside their apartment. He hadn’t thought that was too much to ask but apparently it was. “No one wants to see Wendy without Peter. That’s boring,” he said rolling his eyes. No one would even get his Wendy costume without a Peter Pan costume to go with it anyways. “You can go to bed and I’ll catch up on homework or something,” he said, knowing he most likely wouldn’t get any assignments done that night even if he tried to work on them. 

“Its fine. You usually don’t have much of an appetite anyways. Soup okay?” he asked taking out a can of soup for Sebastian. Blaine would make himself something later. He was too pissed to eat anything right now. “Forget about the stupid party. I said it was fine,” he said getting a pot out for the soup and setting it on the counter harder than usual. He avoided his face, not wanting to take his anger out on Sebastian. He knew it wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t feeling good. Blaine was pissed that their life wasn’t going to be normal anytime soon. He was pissed that cancer was taking away his boyfriend from him and what it was doing to them both.”What?” he asked opening the can of soup keeping his back turned to Sebastian.

Sebastian jumped slightly as Blaine swore through his response, his bottom lip beginning to quiver as he backed away slightly from his boyfriend. “I- I don’t want soup, I’m fine... I’ll get myself something if I feel up to it.” He replied in a soft voice, flinching when Blaine set the pot on the counter much harder than he usually would. “...Nothing...” The taller male managed to get out without his voice breaking; walking away and going into the bedroom and sighing. 

He stayed in the bedroom for a little while, looking out the window with a few stray tears falling from his eyes. But he pulled himself together as quickly as possible; Blaine was already upset over the party, he wasn’t about to let him catch him like this. When Sebastian opened the wardrobe, he groaned when he saw the two costumes just tossed in without a care in the world. So, he carefully hung them up in the back of the wardrobe; they could wear them next year. The now completely bald male pulled his black oversized hoodie out of the wardrobe, putting it on and pulling the hood up as he shut the wardrobe and just stood there for a moment. Something didn’t feel right. He didn’t feel right. 

Sebastian contemplated saying something, but he didn’t, instead, he pulled himself together, took a deep breath and made his way back to the kitchen to try talk to the love of his life once more. “I hung the costumes up, uhm- they must’ve fallen off their hangers... I’ll have to buy some new ones the next time I’m out.” He rambled, frowning when the other still wouldn’t turn to even face him. “Are you really giving me the silent treatment? Look, I know you’re upset, but Halloween isn’t until next weekend, we can have our own party. Please- please don’t shut me out.” He tried, attempting to wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

It had probably been the longest few months of Blaine’s life. He had been so sure that after Sebastian’s surgery things would get so much better and things were beginning to look up. Surgery had to have been the worst part of this right? They had quickly learned that they had been so wrong. Physical therapy hadn’t been too bad and Blaine could get over not having anyone over at their apartment for risk of infection but chemotherapy could go straight to hell. 

Watching nurses put poison into his boyfriend’s body and seeing him suffer more and more was the worst thing imaginable. He hated taking him to appointments knowing what they were going to do to him. His eyelashes and eyebrows had fallen out and Blaine could deal with that okay. It was weird of course, but he could look past his appearance. The worst part was how sick he was all the time and how down he was. Blaine tried his hardest to at least appear positive around his boyfriend. He would smile around him and try to plan little surprises and try to make the food that was healthy and good for him to eat taste better but Sebastian was rarely in the mood for any of it. Blaine would try to get him out of the apartment for at least a little bit to enjoy the fresh air but he hardly ever wanted to unless he really needed to go anywhere. 

It was getting harder and harder to not be dragged down by the cloud of depression that hung around their apartment. Blaine acted like he was okay around his boyfriend but it was getting harder and harder to put on a happy face as he took care of him. School was his one escape. He always felt bad leaving Sebastian alone but Blaine couldn’t sit there all day. It was great being able to be away for a few hours and try to focus on music. He hated that it felt like a breath of fresh air to be out of their apartment for a few hours when he used to love staying home all day with Sebastian. And even being away from the apartment he couldn’t completely focus on school. He was constantly checking up on his boyfriend and reading articles on different foods that would be good for him to eat, ways to make him feel better and not as sick and trying to find ways to make him smile. Blaine missed his smile so much. 

So when Nick and Jeff told him about their Halloween party Blaine thought it was a perfect idea. He could get Sebastian out of the apartment for a few hours and he would be around his friends. They could maybe feel like things were normal again at least for a little while. Blaine had even devised Peter Pan and a male version of a Wendy costume for himself. It was one of Sebastian’s favorites so he knew it would make him happy. He had been so excited for the party so when Sebastian told him he didn’t want to go because he didn’t feel well he was devastated. It was hard not to show just how upset he was. Of course he wasn’t going to force Sebastian to do anything if he wasn’t feeling well, but Blaine had been looking forward to this so much. He just wanted things to feel normal again for them even if it was only for a few hours. He wanted to go out and have fun with his boyfriend and not think about anything involving cancer or chemo and just be with him and feel loved like they used to be able to do. It wasn’t fair. He had given so much of himself to taking care of his boyfriend couldn’t he just get one night for what he wanted to do? He fucking hated cancer. 

Sebastian exited their room and Blaine sat for a few minutes crying quietly hating that this was happening to them. After a few minutes he sighed and pulled himself together wiping his tears away before texting Jeff and Nick that they weren’t going to make it to the party. He sighed seeing their costumes laying on their bed before gathering them up and throwing them in their closet, not wanting to look at them. He exited their bedroom and went into the kitchen trying to find something he could give to Sebastian to make him feel better and figure out what he was going to do for dinner now they they weren’t going to the party. “I’m not going to go without you. There would be no point,” he said sighing quietly. “You can’t have Wendy without Peter,” he said trying not to sound too disappointed about not going.

"You deserve to have some fun, though, it’s not fair that you’re stuck in here with me all the time... I’ll probably just go to bed.” Sebastian said softly with a shrug, biting down on his bottom lip as he refused to look back at Blaine; not ready to see the hurt and disappointment on his face. “Wendy started without Peter before he came and brought her to Neverland,” the younger male mumbled, standing up slowly and walking over to the kitchen to actually try talk to his boyfriend. 

“You- you don’t have to cook dinner, we can order out or something...” He tried, the tension in the room could’ve been broke with a knife and Sebastian knew it was his fault. “Or... we can go to the party for a little while, I just- I don’t really want to dress up... Are you angry at me?” He asked, nervously fidgeting with his fingers as he looked down at his feet. “Blaine...”

[fxckbas]

Not The Same || Para:004

It had been a long journey getting to this point since the surgery; Sebastian attended physical therapy for a couple of weeks after being discharged to ensure he was recovering the way he was supposed to, he had to be extremely careful about being around anyone that came over to the apartment due to the risk of infection and just as one hurdle was crossed, the next hit without giving him or Blaine a chance to even catch their breath. Chemotherapy hadn’t been the greatest experience, Sebastian felt sick all the time, his eyelashes were the first things to fall out and then his eyebrows, which made him feel like weirdly bald alien. And then there was how down it seemed to make him; he hardly smiled anymore, he was given his excused leave from NYADA, which meant he didn’t even have assignments to occupy his time and honestly, it was reaching a point where it seemed like he never wanted to leave the apartment unless he really needed to. 

This week had been no exception; before October even began, both Sebastian and Blaine had been so excited for the halloween party Nick and Jeff were throwing; Sebastian’s doctor had said he would be okay to attend for a few hours once he didn’t try go over his limit and it was the first time in a long time where they would get to feel like their life was back to normal again. But unfortunately, Sebastian didn’t feel well that evening, he sat in their bedroom for a while looking at their matching costumes; Peter Pan and Wendy- well, Blaine had altered it for a male Wendy, and it was adorable. And an hour before they were supposed to get ready, Sebastian had to tell his boyfriend that he didn’t want to go anymore because he didn’t feel well enough. 

Like always, Sebastian repeatedly apologised to his boyfriend, tried to convince him to go to the party himself and enjoy the night, but he knew the older male was annoyed. And he wasn’t surprised, Blaine had more than enough going on in his life without trying to be there for him all the time on top of that and Sebastian really felt like he had disappointed him. So when he felt like Blaine was getting sick of him trying to break the tension, Sebastian went out to the living room and wrapped himself in a blanket on the couch, biting down on his bottom lip as he curled up into himself and hardly moved to even look at Blaine when he finally exited the bedroom. “Blaine, I’m not a baby, you should still go and have a great time...”

[fxckbas]

Just Hold On || Para:003

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine‌:

Blaine smiled at his boyfriend, so happy to see him awake and okay. He knew they still had a long road in fighting this, but he definitely felt like a huge part of that was over. He definitely was more optimistic now even though he knew he was still going to have to watch the man he loves suffer more before this was over. “I know…just try to get some rest okay? I’m not going anywhere,” he said kissing his forehead lightly as Sebastian closed his eyes. 

He never let go of his boyfriend’s hand as he watched, vowing to be there when he opened his eyes again. Blaine just didn’t expect him to open them so soon and to not realize he was right there next to him. Tears welled up in his eyes as he listened to Sebastian’s words. He hated hearing his boyfriend say that he deserved better than him. Blaine didn’t want anyone else. He only wanted Sebastian. “He loves you so much. I know he wants all of that with you too. You’re the most important thing in the world to him,” he said squeezing Sebastian’s hand, knowing he was still pretty out of it. He probably wouldn’t even remember this conversation later on. He would definitely have to work on being more positive around his boyfriend though. He didn’t want him to think that he was sad. “Close your eyes. Everything is going to be fine, okay? Just rest. Blaine will be here when you wake up,” he said smiling at Sebastian.

Sebastian looked up at Blaine and nodded, his smile warming as he listened to the older male tell him how much he loved him too. “Yeah, okay... Will you stay until he gets here? I don’t want him to think I was alone...” The brunette asked in a soft tone, his eyes flickering closed as he started to once again fall asleep. He never let go of his boyfriend’s hand, not even when he was fully succumbed to his slumber, his grip on Blaine’s hand remained. The atmosphere of the room was completely different; like a weight had been lifted, everyone knew Sebastian was okay and he still had a long way to go, but they would get through it together. The nurses came by not long after and provided Blaine with extra blankets and a pillow it make him a little more comfortable. Maybe things could finally begin to turn around for them. Maybe they were just months away from being happy and care free once again.

[fxckbas]

Just Hold On || Para:003

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine·:

Blaine held onto Sebastian’s hand, not letting go of it the whole time. He squeezed it whispering reassurances to his boyfriend as the doctor ran tests to see if they could remove the tube from his throat. He sighed in relief when they established that Sebastian could breathe on his own and they could take the tube out. He hated seeing his boyfriend look so uncomfortable as he gagged when they worked to remove the tube. He was glad that Sebastian most likely wasn’t going to remember this, he was sure his boyfriend didn’t want anyone to see him like this when he was so vulnerable. “Its okay baby. I’ve got you. Its okay,” he said squeezing his hand as he used the other one to try to clean up some of the saliva from the tube being taken out. 

“Okay. Thank you so much,” he said smiling at the nurse as she explained what was going on and how his boyfriend would be acting. It reassured him so much knowing what to expect so he wouldn’t be worried by Sebastian acting strange. ““Shh…its okay baby. Its normal for you not to remember much. Its okay. How are you feeling?” he asked squeezing his hand. Blaine kissed his forehead so happy to see him awake.

"...Tired...” Sebastian said softly, managing a small smile as he looked up at Blaine; never letting go of his boyfriend’s hand as he remained lying down in his hospital bed. “But good, ‘cause i’m still here... with you...” He said softly, his eyes scanning the room for a moment, his eyes beginning to close again due to him still being so drowsy. He was quiet for at least five minutes before finally reopening his eyes, but it was clear he wasn’t fully back to reality yet; starting to talk about Blaine like he wasn’t the one sat by his side holding his hand. “Might sleep for a little bit... when I wake up Blaine will be here... I love him so much... He deserves so much better than me, he doesn’t deserve to be so sad and worried... I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Grow old with him. Start a family with him. Everything. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me...”

[fxckbas]

Just Hold On || Para:003

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine·:

Blaine felt his boyfriend’s hand move away from his and cracked his eyes open still half asleep. Momentarily he forgot where he was - this wasn’t their apartment - but a loud alarm jolted him awake and everything came flooding back. Sebastian. Sebastian was awake. “Baby? Sebastian! It’s okay, it’s okay! You’re fine!” He said getting up from where he had been sitting and standing next to him. He grabbed a hold of his arms that were trying to take the tube out of his throat. “It’s okay. I’still just a tube that’s helping you breathe,” she said trying to calm him down. 

Blaine smiled at the nurse that came in the room and turned the alarm off before checking Sebastian’s vitals. She spoke to his boyfriend telling him what was going on and Blaine squeezed Sebastian’s hand. A wave of relief washed over him when she said him waking up like this was a good sign. He had been so worried about him all day and he was finally awake and showing good signs. He mouthed a thank you to the nurse as she left the room to call the doctor. The nurses here were truly amazing. He was going to have to get all of them coffees or something to thank them. He smiled at his boyfriend and kissed his hand bringing it to his lips. “It’s okay baby. I’m here. You’re fine. Everything is going to be okay,” he said to him running his other hand gently down the side of his face trying to reassure him and calm him down. His eyes teared up a little bit from being so happy to see him awake. He loved him so much and had been so afraid of losing him. Seeing his eyes open was a huge relief and Blaine truly believed that they could get through anything together. He kept a hold of his hand as he stroked his face before leaning down and kissing his forehead. Blaine smiled at him and kept whispering soothing things to him as they waited for the doctor to come in to take the tube out of his throat.

As soon as his vision cleared and the initial confusion and panic passed, Sebastian looked up at Blaine and nodded the best he could as he just held onto his boyfriend- he still didn’t remember arriving at the hospital or getting prepped for surgery, but he wasn’t going to worry about that now. He had only just woken up, after all. The doctor was quick to enter the room with the nurse, running some basic tests to ensure Sebastian had come round enough to be capable of breathing for himself and the signs showed he was ready and luckily as the tube was slowly turned down until it was off, Sebastian was able to show that he could breathe on his own- it was through his nose, of course, because of the tube, but once he had shown he was able to do that for himself, the doctor got another nurse and removed the tube from her patient’s throat. 

It wasn’t a pretty process, there was more than enough gagging and saliva heavily involved and while Sebastian hated having to allow Blaine to see him in such a state, he was still too groggy to care- the nurse even told Blaine that he probably wouldn’t even remember it, and that was one of the only good things about his recovery. The hospital would be when he’s at his lowest and the most vulnerable, but the medication cocktail he was on would keep his mind in a haze; with any luck he wouldn’t remember the moments of Blaine having to clean him, having to be fed with assistance and being in an unbearable amount of pain. 

“Waking up is one of the biggest challenges after surgery because nobody really knows if it’s been a success until the patient is conscious, but the doctor seems really pleased with everything so far; it’s important to remember that he’s still going to be very groggy, so it’s completely normal is he slurs his words or mumbles and just remember if he dozes off while you’re chatting, it’s not intentional. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you the number of family members who have fallen out over something like that, I’ll come back shortly when he’s woken up a little more to see if he’s ready to tackle some food. ” the nurse said with a smile before leaving the room and returning to the nursing station. “C-can’t... ‘member....” Sebastian slurred hoarsely; his eyes red and puffy from only waking up.

[fxckbas]

Just Hold On || Para:003

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine·:

Blaine was exhausted. He knew he would be at the end of this day. Two in the morning eventually rolled around and Sebastian still had not woken up. He said goodbye to Wes and Caleb, promising to call them if anything happened. Blaine had been extremely grateful they had been with him all day and that he didn’t have to do this alone but he had to admit, he was happy to finally have sometime to himself and to relax a little bit as he waited for his boyfriend to wake up.

He had been sitting beside him the whole night, refusing to leave his side. Blaine grabbed a blanket and covered himself with it planning to close his eyes for a little bit and try to sleep some.He leaned back in his chair still holding Sebastian’s hand as he closed his eyes as he felt himself begin to drift off to sleep. He felt Sebastian’s fingers twitch in his hand as he was half asleep but didn’t think anything of it figuring his boyfriend was dreaming himself. 

While drowsiness mainly consumed Sebastian’s mind, there was an awful sense of panic as his hazed mind tried to comprehend why he wasn’t breathing himself; he could just about feel the tube in his throat due to the numbing medicine that the nurses had sprayed his throat with during the hours of waiting for him to wake up, as well as the doctor regularly coming in to ensure the tube was still securely in place. But what he could feel in his throat was uncomfortable and caused him to quickly pull his hand away from Blaine’s in an attempt to figure out more of what was going on- he didn’t even remember being prepped for surgery. What was going on? 

His momentary state of panic caused the monitor for his pulse to race slightly, his eyes squinting open as an alarm went off to inform the nursing station of the sudden change and luckily for Sebastian, the anaesthetic that continued to course through his body made his attempt of grabbing the tube of the ventilator a failure; his hand completely missing it’s target as it flopped back onto the bed. He was almost positive someone had grabbed his arm to prevent him from touching anything, but he couldn’t be sure. 

“Sebastian? Can you hear me? You’re perfectly fine, alright? Surgery is all over and at the moment you’re attached to a ventilator that’s breathing for you. I know it doesn’t feel very nice, so I’m going to call the doctor to see if we can get that tube removed from your throat. I just need you to be nice and calm, you’re perfectly fine, I promise.” A nurse assured in a caring voice as she came over to his bed to check his vitals, smiling softly at him when she noticed him looking up at her, turning her attention to Blaine, who had no doubt been awoken by the heart monitor’s alarm suddenly going off, and nodding assuringly at him, ‘that’s a good sign’ she mouthed to him before walking out to go call for the doctor.

[fxckbas]

Just Hold On || Para:003

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine·: 

“Thanks…I know its not exactly the most exciting thing to do, but I - I don’t know - I just feel safer being here in case he needs me you know?” he said looking down at the bear nervously. “You guys don’t have to stay the whole time you know…” he said shrugging aiming that last bit more at Wes. Blaine knew that Sebastian’s brother had flown a great distance to be here - of course he knew there was going to be a lot of waiting at the hospital. “Yeah I guess I’ll just go home after setting aside the whole day to be here…Of course we’re staying There’s no way we’re just going to leave you alone. I think every Warbler would riot if I did that,” Wes said smiling at his friend. Blaine had always been a role model that everyone in the Warblers looked up to. He had never let any of his fellow Warblers down and Wes was going to try to return the favor for all of them. “Thanks, Wes,” Blaine said smiling a little thinking of all of the other Warblers. “We can get breakfast and go to your hotel. Maybe find a hat on the way. I told them I would get him as many baseball hats as he could want to add to his already large collection. I’ll give him whatever he wants if that makes him happy,” he said smiling at the other two men as they walked though the hospital. Blaine laughed a little hearing Caleb say that he actually wore clothes that weren’t formal looking. “You mean you weren’t born wearing a tie?” He asked jokingly. The same thing could be said about him and bowties really but Blaine didn’t mind. 

Blaine was going crazy.It had been over ten hours - ten - since Sebastian had been taken into surgery. What was taking so long? He was supposed to be back in his room by now. He sighed checking the time on his phone for what must have been the hundredth time as they tried to play a game to pass the time while they waited. He nearly hugged the nurse when she told them surgery was wrapping up and led them downstairs. Where there was more waiting. And no game to distract him. Blaine paced nervously swearing that something must have gone wrong. Why else would they be waiting like this when his surgery was ending? He sat down with his head in his hands willing himself to calm down and not to cry. He couldn’t do this. Blaine looked up when the doctor came out and squeezed Caleb’s hand instinctively as Wes came up on his other side. He kept waiting for the bomb to drop for the doctor to say ‘everything went well but -‘ and Blaine let out a big breath that he didn’t realize he had been holding when it never came. Sebastian was really okay and surgery was over. He vaguely listened to his words, knowing he should be paying close attention to the details but his brain just kept going back to that his boyfriend was okay and alive and that they had gotten this evil tumor out of him that had been causing him so much pain. “Thank you,” he said shaking the doctors hand as a relived smile spread across his face and his body relaxed.

They watched Sebastian get rolled out of surgery and Blaine let out a sigh of relief before they followed the nurses back to Sebastian’s room. He was still attached to so many wires and there was bandages around his head and there was a tube down his throat still but Sebastian was here and he was alive and he was going to be okay and that was all that mattered right now. Blaine went over to his side right away and took his hand. “Hey baby. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I love you so much,” he said leaning down and kissing his forehead. He knew Sebastian couldn’t hear him but Blaine was hoping that he could just tell he was there holding his hand.

Once Sebastian was back in his room and all the monitors had been set on their stands rather than having to surround him on their bed, but as more countless hours passed and Sebastian remained unconscious, and two in the morning quickly approached, Caleb and Wes left Blaine with Sebastian; both promising to return in the morning, while also assuring him their phones were on and to let them know if anything changed.

It was almost like Sebastian was waiting for the privacy, because less than twenty minutes after his older brother left with Wes, his eyes slowly started to flutter open; his fingers twitching around his boyfriend’s hand as he started to regain consciousness. 

[fxckbas]

Just Hold On || Para:003

[fxckbas]

nyada-blaine·:

Blaine sighed hearing Caleb’s words when he returned. He was so grateful that both him and Wes were here to support him but he felt a little bad to keep them at the hospital all day just waiting around. “I think it will be fine if we leave for a little bit…as long if we don’t go too far - just in case something happens,’ he said shifting a bit not wanting to think about something bad happening to Sebastian. 

He smiled at Caleb when he noticed Sebastian’s bear. It was comforting having the treasured stuffed animal with him when Sebastian was in surgery. “Yeah, he loves this bear,” he said smiling showing him to Caleb. “”We can go get something to eat and maybe go to your hotel for a little bit…I just don’t know if I want to be gone all day,” he said putting Pan with Sebastian’s bag. “I do want to get Sebastian a hat actually…” he said smiling a little thinking of the conversation he had had with him earlier. He made sure he had his phone in case the nurse called and headed out of the hospital room. “Where do you guys want to go to get food?

"I promise we won’t go far, the furthest I’ll be going is to my hotel and I don’t expect you or Wes to follow,” Caleb assured with a smile, nodding as he listened as Blaine confirmed that his little brother still adored his stuffed bear. “Like I said, even if we’re only gone for breakfast, we can come back if that’s what you would prefer, no one is expecting you to just drop everything and disappear. I only have to go to my hotel to change into something more comfortable, literally just some tracksuit bottoms, a t-shirt and a hoodie.” The older man stated with a chuckle, “yes, I do wear more than formal-looking attire,” he joked, hoping to lighten the mood once more. “A hat? What type of hat?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows together as he smiled, beginning to walk down the corridor with Blaine and Wes to go get something to eat. Nobody knew how long Blaine would be comfortable being away from the hospital, but Caleb and Wes would be there to help him through it out no matter what.

The ten hours had passed and Caleb was trying to not show any worry on his face as he wondered why his little brother was still in surgery; the nurse had come to get them from the room because the surgery was coming to an end, but another hour had almost passed and there was still no sign of Sebastian or the surgeon. As it reached the point of panic for Caleb, one of the doors from the operating theatre opened up and the surgeon started to walk over. “Blaine,” Caleb whispered, tipping the younger male to get his attention. “You must be Sebastian’s relatives, I’m Dr Guy Self, the consultant neurosurgeon at the hospital. I apologise for going over an hour after having the nurse bring you down, the tumour against Sebastian’s brain was much larger than we anticipated, which led to us having to get a little deeper, but we did manage to remove all the tumour in full. I’ll be completely honest, from how large and how deep the tumour had become around the brain, Sebastian will be very bruised and sore on that side for a few weeks, his face will also be quite swollen, but it will go down over time. We also won’t know if there have been any neurological effects from the surgery until he wakes up, from the swelling he may have a tingling sensation in his arms and, or legs, but it will most likely go back to normal as the swelling goes down. A worst-case scenario is paralysis, but as I said it usually is only temporary, so we’re not going to focus on negatives until they present themselves and tests indicate it. We have stopped administering the anaesthetic and we are going to have him on a temporary dose of medication to prevent possible seizures. With major surgery like this, it’s difficult to say when he will wake up, but until he comes round we will keep him intubated. One of our nurses was talking to him and he showed signs that he was beginning to come round, which is great. I’ll come around to check in when he’s woken up just to make sure everything is as it should and how he’s feeling, alright? I’ll see you shortly.” 

Caleb stood up and shook the surgeon’s hand, smiling softly as he saw the double doors of the operating theatre open and both porters and nurses started to wheel Sebastian out to bring him back to his room; a white bandage securely placed over the area the surgery had been carried out. The tube remained down Sebastian’s throat as a machine breathed for him while he was unconscious; machines sat on the end of the bed steadily beeping as they monitored his heartbeat, his oxygen level, his blood pressure and many other stats.